Who said getting cancer wasn't fun! So far I have recieved all these really bizzarre diagnostic tests where they stick this crazy hose up your nose and tell you to say heeeee... while they look around. Another test where they stick a bunch of needles in my neck, ouch that one hurt. Then I get a cool looking "Jack the Ripper" cut on my neck that looks like I walked off a Friday the 13th film set, talk about the looks, had fun with that for a couple of weeks. Today, I got this really cool mask that I will have to wear for 35 treatments where they shoot radiation into my neck and fry it, sounds like the fun is just beginning. Sorry, I know this is no laughing matter. Sometimes sarcasm helps me.
I am starting to understand the meaning of the emotional roller coaster. A couple of weeks ago, I really thought I was prepared to go through the treatment in a good state of mind. This past Monday has really put the magnitude of the fight in perspective. Sometimes when I write a post I start to feel very sorry and angry for myself. Why me, Not now, I'm not ready.... Sometimes more affraid than anything. My treatments start on 9/2, The day before my sons 16th birthday, and end on 10/22 if all goes well. If I am lucky, I will be feeling better by Thanksgiving. These radiation treatments remind me of the same intrepid feelings I had when I went sky diving. I really don't like heights all that much, or the thought of cancer treatments. I did not want to be the wet blanket in the group so I went any way. Once the plane takes off, you are not going to be landing with it. When you reach the right spot above the earth, at the right altitude, the instructor starts nudging you out the door. Afterall who wants to jump out of a perfectly functioning airplane. Once out the door I had to stand on the strut of the airplane's wing. Then, when the instructor says go!, you have to let go, and pray the chute opens. As with skydiving, the cancer instructors are nudging me out the door into treatment I really don't want, even though I feel fine(safe airplane). For me the pain of the treatments are too abstract to think about and do not scare me as nuch. It is the quality of life afterwards and not knowing what to expect that scares the hell out of me. Fortunately, everyone that has responded to my posts has been very encouraging and helpful. Thank You All. I have read other posts from other people who are not as fortunate as me, and makes me feel like a real cry baby. I am lucky, my cancer never spread from my tonsil or lymph nodes. I want to say good luck to everyone who is in treatment or about to start. Hopefully, the outcome will be positive for everyone. Alex.