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How can I cope? I am so down

lakemtg
Posts: 11
Joined: Aug 2009

I need help. My husbands tumors are in the liver he has been through 6 chemos already not one of them worked. Today they told him they cannot do anything now. They told him to get a transplant but he is to risky to do so due to the clots in his portal vein.

Wow what can I say the emotions we are dealing with right now are really hard worse then when we found out he had cancer. For the first time this cancer has really shown a threat to our family we thought all this time there was hope we were positive and thought something good would happen now all hope was taken from me and him. He broke down and cried so hard and I never saw him like that he stated he was afraid, and worried, he has changed and it is the worst thing I have witnessed in anyone.

Can anyone out there help me give me advise what they went through, what I should do next, any suggestions that has helped them with the cancer? Anyone who was given the same advise from their doctor that is willing to tell me what my husband is going through. I am desperate for answers right now and how will I survive through this. The worst fear on both of us is the end and how badly it will be

any suggestions advise etc will help especially on what you think I can do to comfort him more? That is what I want to do more then anything.

Thanks
Kelly

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4659
Joined: May 2005

I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this. I am on the receiving end of chemo/cancer so I'm not sure what I can say to you, as his caregiver other than to be there with him and talk with him. I'm am just wondering, have you gotten a second opinion? Are there clinical trials that he can participate in? Have you spoken to a therapist who deals with this type of situation? Do you try to get out and do things together like movies, walks, dinners or is he not able to get out? Those things can cheer up someone and take one's mind off of things for a bit.

I have been in a similar spot a few times over the past 5+ years but I have never given up hope that I will live on. I know my situation isn't the same as his, but I am a Stage IV Living with Cancer guy who didn't think I'd see 5 years. While I am not cured, there may be a day when I am or there may be a day when I am killed driving into NYC for chemo. You never know when it's over so enjoy each moment you have. I don't mean to sound stupid or insensitive to you and your husband and have a cancer diagnosis is possibly the worst thing a person (or couple) can hear.

I hope that others on the board can offer suggestions.
Have you looked at the Caregiver section of the Forums?
http://csn.cancer.org/forum/138
There could be more support over there too
Best wishes to you both
-phil

whichwitch's picture
whichwitch
Posts: 42
Joined: Jul 2009

My sister has been on many chemo trips. She has breast cancer since 2001, stage IV. Been on chemo for life, they said. Now it is not working. It is now in the bone and bone marrow. They are trying another chemo - but just to extend her life 3-6 months if it even works at all. So I know the stress it takes on you. We are taking it a day at time, crying, laughing. Visiting with new and old friends and just spending lots of time together. We are up one minute and down the next. So, I guess what I am saying is just keep talking and looking for good times when they come.

Know that i am lifing you up in prayer and sending a million angels to watch over you.
Keep in touch with everyone here, it does help

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3663
Joined: Jul 2008

Kelly,

I'm sorry to hear of the very hard time you and your husband are having. I've just had a glimpse of what you've experienced. Your husband has had it harder with, as you said, 6 times of chemo and no response. That's really hard- I'm so sorry. I have been doing so well, and then just a few weeks ago for the first time, I discovered my tumors have been growing even while on "maintenance" dose chemo. I certainly never expected that, since all the other times I've been on any chemo my tumors either shrunk or went away. I'm now on more heavy duty chemo again (Folfiri for the second time- did Folfox before that)- I'm a little scared that my tumors will continue to grow on it, instead of shrinking like they did a while back. I know that isn't as bad as what your husband has experienced, but I can relate a little bit to it. How do I get through it?? My faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is how. I know other people have their other beliefs or the non-belief, but I personally am so glad I don't have to go through this "alone", in that I believe the Lord is with me at all times. I wouldn't be alone otherwise- I do have a pretty good support system of family and friends, thank the Lord, but I believe what really matters is when it comes down to possibly facing death and leaving this earth- I believe that I know where I'm going and I'm really not afraid. My biggest thing I deal with is not wanting to have my husband, kids, and other family and friends go through the sadness and grief of being left without a wife, mom, daughter, best friend, etc. No child should have to lose their mother- I find that one the most difficult (I've got 3 kids- ages 9, 13, and 16). BUT- I still believe that my life is in the hands of the One who created me. I believe He can heal me (I did actually experience a miracle early on, with a rectal tumor disappearing and avoiding a scary surgery), BUT I have not received a complete healing. I believe it's possible, but I don't know if God WILL choose to do that for me, even though I believe He CAN.

Even though it is not an easy road, I cling to the verse in the Bible that says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". It may or may not be a physical strengthing, but it will be a spiritual/emotional/mental strengthening.

If you or your husband would like to talk more specifically about any of this, I would be glad to. You can send me a PM (private message) through the CSN board.

Take care and, if I may, I will be praying for your husband- that if doesn't get well again, that he will be able to gain peace and that he will not be afraid.

Take care and blessings to you both,
Lisa

kathrynlib
Posts: 8
Joined: Nov 2009

Dear Lisa,
I was dxed 10 months ago and still have little knowledge about it. I have had 2 reports (pets)one said I have it and another said they made a mistake! Now the imaging center won't return my calls for a copy of the reports. I am in shock and angry.I don't feel like I am myself any more as I have never been full of such anger. To get to my point. I just joined AMC and read your post. It woke me up as I AM a Christian also and have been hateing myself for feeling as I do. You verse has always been my favirite and one I say almost daily as I face the simple daily life struggles. Soooo, your post made my day and helped me to remember that I to know where I am gpoing whenever I do go.Bless you for posting as you did. I will look for yet another by you. God bless you dear.I will hold you up in prayer as the Lord brings you to mind. Your a pretty lady too!
Kathrynlib

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2084
Joined: Dec 2001

Hi Kelly,

If the Western Medicine doctors have given up then it's time to look elsewhere such as Eastern Medicine.

Also find yourself a holistic Naturopathic doctor with experience in treating cancer patients. They will be able to help nutritionally and with supplements that can fight cancer and heal imbalances.

If you don't have it yet, get yourself the book Beating Cancer With Nutrition by Patrick Quillin. It was very helpful for me.

The pH Miracle by Dr. Robert Young -- learn how to alkalize your system--cancer cannot live in an alkaline environment. It loves acid (meats,sugar, alcohol, white flours and grains, dairy etc etc).

Go to Barnes & Noble and plant yourself in the Alternative Medicine aisle and look for hopeful books....

When Hope Never Dies by Marlene McKenna

A Cancer Battle Plan by Anne Frahm

Your Child Doesn't Have To Die by Leanne Sorteberg

These are written by women who thought outside the box and beat cancer after Western medicine failed them.

Crazy Sexy Cancer by Kris Carr --- she will make you laugh and GIVE YOU HOPE!

www.discountjuicers.com

Get yourself a juicer and start juicing fresh ORGANIC veggies to pump your body (your husbands) full of live enzymes that can help to heal diseased organs (liver) and balance your pH. Detox physically, emotionally, spiritually. Get rid of anything/anyone in your life that isn't positive and healing.

Juice Alive by Steven Bailey, ND

Take my motto as your own:

GREEN = LIFE

eat & juice greens.

THERE IS A TON YOU CAN DO!!!!

Wipe away the tears (we have all been there) and take some action. Doing something gives one the feeling of empowerment and this gives one a sense of direction and healing.

Feel free to contact me with questions.

I am a Stage III sigmoid colon cancer survivor who has done everything I wrote about. I did NOT do any chemo, though. I am 8 years out and here to give you hope!

Hope this helps.

Jeremiah 30:17

peace, emily the juice chick

Dawne.Hope's picture
Dawne.Hope
Posts: 820
Joined: Sep 2009

Kelly,

I am so sorry.

My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in 2000. In 2005 she had recurrence in her uterus and has been on chemo. almost every week since then. We found out in July it has spread now to her bones and liver. It was devastating. She's always been positive and seeing her cry and talk about her funeral has been tough. The one thing I can tell you is that it helps to be honest. I let her talk when she needs to talk, I let her cry when she needs to cry and let her vent when she needs to vent. Don't hide your feelings and don't keep things inside. You both need to talk and be there for each other.

You need support and encouragement. Don't hide away. You need your friends more than ever before! It is our tendency when we we're sad and depressed to hide away from family and friends. Make yourself available. Let your friends love on you and support you during this time.

Hugs and Prayers!

kathrynlib
Posts: 8
Joined: Nov 2009

Hi,
Your post gives me hope. I heard that cancer is a fungus. Have your heard that also? Will you tell me what you have eaten to put weight back on or just keep stable. Please. I am a fresh food person and sure sgree with you that you can juice and eat right to fight what it lives on. Blessings, and I hope to hear from you soon and your doing well.
Kathrynlib

kathrynlib
Posts: 8
Joined: Nov 2009

Hi,
Your post gives me hope. I heard that cancer is a fungus. Have your heard that also? Will you tell me what you have eaten to put weight back on or just keep stable. Please. I am a fresh food person and sure sgree with you that you can juice and eat right to fight what it lives on. Blessings, and I hope to hear from you soon and your doing well.
Kathrynlib

sure_hope's picture
sure_hope
Posts: 62
Joined: Feb 2009

Hi Kelly,

I agree. Be pro-active. When I was diagnosed, my father gave me a book called 'The Acid-Alkaline Diet for Optimum Health' by Christopher Vasey, N.D..

It seems that in order for our blood to maintain the proper PH, it borrows different minerals from the organs or intestinal lining. If this is a regular occurrence, the organs become acidic. When this happens, they become vulnerable to disease. We can eat or avoid eating certain foods to alkalinize our organs.

(I hope I’ve explained it right)

You can also contact a cancer treatment center. They specialize in cancer treatment. They also attack the disease from every angle using traditional & holistic treatments. Contact the Cancer Centers of America.

There is also a product called immunocal that helps boost glutathione levels in our body. Glutathione levels dictate how well our immune systems function. It also works in conjunction with our diet to keep our body alkalinizes.

www.immunocal.com or www.immunotech.com/regeneration

Prayer is also vital. Because God can give you peace of mind, even when it doesn’t seem possible to have it.

Philippians 4:6, 7 says, “Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let your petitions be made known to God; and the peace of God that excels all thought will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.”

If you are Bible reader, you will find these links helpful in coping with your situation. They also direct you to God's future promises. I have personally found these to be of comfort to me.

‘Draw close to God in Prayer’
http://www.watchtower.org/e/bh/article_17.htm

Hope Where Can We Find It
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20040422/article_04.htm

Sheryl

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