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My mom has cancer... I need some advice!



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krisyjsu04

				          
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        			    August 13, 2009 - 1:16pm			  			

			
			
My mom is my favorite person in the entire world! In January 2008 we found out that she had colon cancer. she was just shy of 45 years old. It was stage 4. I was crushed... my mother is very very strong and she held it together but i just crumbled right in front of everyone. In December 2007 her uncle found out that he had colon cancer... he when through treatment and passed away Feb 3,2008. I was 21 years old and i am very close to my family. no one in my family had ever passed away before, at least not since i was old enough to remember. Right before my great-uncle passed away i hadn't seen him in a while and my aunt told me..."you've never seen the effects of cancer before and your uncle willie isn't the same as you remember him 2 weeks ago." My life has been so blessed and i've never had to go through coping with cancer until he got sick. he was no longer able to do anything himself and he was skin and bones... it was the most horrible thing i've ever had to do, i couldn't stand it because all i could think about was my mom being in this state. my great-uncle willie passed away 2 weeks later. my mother had her surgery and started chemo treatment and i took over everything at work, we own a small business. she finished chemo and later found out that the chemo didn't help or hurt... she's in the same state she was (to me she looks better). everytime i ask her how the dr visit went she says it went fine... i know better... she just doesn't want me to worry. now aug. 2009 the dr says she has to start chemo again... i've tried to talk to my other family members and they do such a wonderful job trying to help.. but nothing no one says can make it go away or stop hurting or stop waking me up at night. I told my mother that i'm behind her 200% of the way no matter what decision she makes about chemo. I just love her so much and i can't help her, and its really tearing me down :( she comes down to the store and helps when she can so i can get some time off, but i told her that she doesn't have to. i'm now 23 years old and my life is my work :) in no way am i complaining i'm so glad that my mother is still here with me and i really try my best not to complain about the little things... i would just like someone to maybe give me some advice on how to talk to my mom or some encourgement on my family's situation. thanks so much for listening


‹ My husband answered me today Feeling Alone ›

						
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tiny one

				      
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August 14, 2009 - 8:03am

			
Mom
			
I'm sorry to hear that your Mom has stage 4 colon cancer. The most important thing you can do is to be supportive of her.  It sounds like you're doing that.  Cancer treatment now is not like it used to be.  There are alot of people beating cancer, even stage 4.  Seeking a second opinion is what alot of people do.  Also support groups are very helpful. I was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer.  That was in 2007.  I had radiation and chemo and major surgery, but I'm cancer free now.  Don't think for one minute that you're not helping, your love and support is everything.  God bless.



			
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whichwitch

				      
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August 14, 2009 - 8:48am

			
Hang in there
			
You are going to have your good days.   They are coming, It is a roller coaster ride as you well know. I promise the sun will shine tomorrow.  Keep in touch with us day by day if  you have too.  Whatever you need to do. we can always listen and just be here for you.



			
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Cindy54

				      
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August 14, 2009 - 10:31am

			
For You
			
Listen. And hugs. Being a caregiver is the hardest job you will ever do. You have to stand by and watch someone suffer and not be able to do one darned thing to take the suffering away. All you can do is what you are doing...be there. Hug when there are no words. Just love your Mom. You will come away from this with a deep appreciation for life and the little things will not matter so much anymore. Go moment to moment. Come here whenever you need to. Hugs coming your way...Cindy



			
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krisyjsu04

				      
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August 14, 2009 - 6:21pm

			
thankyou
			
thank you all for your very kind words and i'm sure that i'll be visiting a lot! thanks again!



			
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krisyjsu04

				      
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August 14, 2009 - 6:19pm

			
thankyou
			
thank you! she goes monday to talk to her dr and make a decision about chemo. I just wish i felt like i was helping :) i just feel so helpless but she tells me that i'm helping more than i know.



			
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RE's picture
						
RE

				      
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August 15, 2009 - 2:50am

			
HUGS
			
Krisy it sounds like you are doing fine in regards to your mom.  It is hard to see our mom's ill I know.  Just let mom know how much you love her and be supportive.  It would be nice and perhaps helpful if your mom could visit the colon cancer board on here, I think she would find a lot of support and information there.  Don't feel too badly when mom stops by to help in the family business, it is my guess it gives her a feeling of being needed and being capable.  I know for me when I was in treatment it just frustrated me that I could not do as much as I was once able to do.  In addition to that it's equally important for you to take care of yourself.  Please take time for you, go to a show or to dinner with a friend something that is not cancer related.  Being a mom myself I would not want my daughter to be overwhelmed by my illness.  I wish you both the best, please come back if you feel the need.


RE



			
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krisyjsu04

				      
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August 17, 2009 - 4:56pm

			
she went to the dr today
			
My mom came to my house yesterday to talk about what she was going to do today at the dr. i'm so torn... part of me wants her to take chemo because it could help her... but then part of me feels like she doesn't want to take it and that i don't want her to be sick for the time she has left. she told me that right now she feels better than she has in a long time. her and my dad are having issues of their own and its hard for me to give her advice on their problems because you want your parents to stay together for ever and i'm so much like my dad that i don't always see her side as well as his. i do feel like she is wanting to give up... and i just don't know what to tell her. my dad is very hot-headed and my mom is very stubborn so i'm in the middle of all this.


she did tell the dr that she doesn't think she wants to take chemo right now... and i told her i'm behind her 200% of the way in whatever decision she makes but i want it to be her decision. i don't want her to give up and say well if things were better i'd do this. she said she doesn't feel that she has the strength to fight the cancer and her other problems.


i'm lost.. i'm walking around in a fog, i see my dads errors and i see how we are so alike and i know some of the things he does and some times the way he acts is wrong and childish and i don't want to be like that... i mean don't get me wrong he's a great man and i love him, but he thinks he's never wrong and you cannot tell him any different, its his way or no way. i've just learned to live with this and do things the way that makes everyone happy i make excuses for him like if he gets ill and yells i say just do what he says and he'll be happy. if you fight with him... its only going to make you miserable like he'll sull up and won't speak to you for 2 weeks. i see my moms errors also... she holds on to things and she will nag you forever about it, she doesn't want to change her ways... once she is set on something she rarely changes her mind about it. if you try to show her another side to something and its not her side she doesn't want to hear it. and she has a heart of gold and she's the most wonderful woman i've ever met she's caring and she'd give you everything she had if you needed it, she puts up with a lot more than i ever do and i hope that i can learn to be more like her. personally i think that everyone should put all their problems aside because this cancer is what we all need to focus on right now and everyone else can fix their issues later... i just don't want her to be depressed and i don't want her to accept thing the way they are, i want her to fight back.



			
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terato

				      
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August 17, 2009 - 7:48pm

			
Your dad is probably scared too!
			
krisy,


When I was younger, I used to get so angry with my father for the way he acted sometimes.  Then I got older and found myself acting like my father during the times I was anxious about something.  I know now that both my parents loved me and my brother very much and wish I had them back so that I could tell them in person.


Maybe, when your dad starts acting up, try telling him that you love him.  I bet he crumbles, like I feel like doing sometimes.  The older we "grump old men" get, the more we need the love and understanding of family.


Love and Courage!


Rick



			
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09wazzu09

				      
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August 17, 2009 - 5:48pm

			
YOU'RE DOING GOOD!
			
HANG IN THERE...BE HER ROCK.



			
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Daddyslittlegirl

				      
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August 23, 2009 - 12:08am

			
I understand you...
			
I am 31 and the primary care taker of my dad who is also the world to me. He is 86 and has been in great health up until about 2 years ago when he developed a Bile Duct obstruction. At the time there was no Cancer. Last Tuesday I took him in to the Gastro Dr because he was having the same symptoms as before. The dr visit ended up resulting in admitting him to the hospital. The did find an obstruction again. This time the tumor was positive for Cancer. I felt as if though someone had literally knocked the wind out of me when the Dr told me. I couldn't believe it...not my daddy! He goes in on Thursday to see if the Cancer has spread. If it hasn't then they may be able to operate (although because of his age it's a huge risk in itself). But if the Cancer has spread, the Dr said there will be very little that can be done for him. I've been living day by day and I feel like everything moves in slow motion. There are times when something reminds me of him and I just completly break down! I can't handle it. I'm so scare of what the future holds. If I'm feeling this weak now, I can't imagine how I will feel in the future when things get worse. I don't ever let my dad see me cry or worry. As hard as it is for me, I hold back the tears and try to keep him in an upbeat spirit. Then when I get in my car to go home, I break down and cry like crazy!I feel so alone and lost!

I do have an older brother but he lives in another state. He is so busy with his own life that I don't think it's really hit him? I have a 9 month old baby who was born 3 1/2 months premature (I developed Severe Preclampsia) that requires alot of dr appointments himself. Between my dad's, mine and the babies dr. appointments, taking care of all his financials and mine, researching everything I can about his Cancer situation, etc. I am sooo overwhelmed but have to keep strong! 


I often wonder "why him". But then I stop to think "why not him"? I just don't understand and am having such a hard time accepting it! The only thing that gets me through each day is thinking that as bad as this is, God has a plan for us. I may not know what it is now, but I must keep faith that I will one day see it. 


I just want you to know that everything you are doing for your mom right now is what is keeping her strong. And as people have told me, one day you will be able to look back and be at peace knowing that you were truly there for her every step of the way (no matter how hard it was). Others that are not supportive now will unfortunately be regretting their actions and will have to live with that themselves. 


Every morning I say to myself that I still have my daddy to hold and to say 'I love you' to. That is all the motivation that I need to get by for that day. It's not easy and it does feel like a lonely road. But after reading your post, you have made me feel like I am not alone. 


Be strong and enjoy every minute that you have with your mom. I know that gets me through to the next day. 



			
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liz_nach

				      
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September 15, 2009 - 4:31pm

			
We must be twins.
			
Oh my goodness. As I read this my heart moved to my throat...

I think we are the same person.

I'm 21, my mom is 45. She is my BEST FRIEND! She was diagnosed with cancer this summer. She has had (so far that they have found) 2 Stromal Tumors and chemo and radiation do not work. She's taking a chemo pill right now in hopes to shrink the seeds that are still there and the cancer they found on her liver. My uncle has cancer from his colon to his lungs, to his skin. He's been given a month or so to live. I have never had to deal with anything like this before either. My family also owns a small business and both of my parents work so hard to keep that going, and it keeps the cancer off their minds. It's so hard that I cry every night and cannot focus, and my mom and dad are so strong and courageous.

The only reason why I'm still here is because I know that God is in complete control. There's nothing I can do or say to change any of this. My faith and sharing it with my mom is really what's keeping my life together.

I pray constantly for the tumors to go away,and for my whole family to feel peace during this tribulation.  I will be praying for you and your mother as well as you also endure this hardship! The power of prayer is amazing, weather it brings healing or comfort just to know that the Lord is right there holding my hand, my mom's hand, my uncle's hand... it's a great peace.  "give glory in tribulations, it produces perseverance, character and hope. Hope doesn't disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts." Romans 5:3



			
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freddyfox

				      
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September 16, 2009 - 8:46am

			
I am 22 and i lost my mom
			
I am 22 and i lost my mom july 10. its all ****ed up now. not fair, but **** what is???...my mom was my whole life. best friend,etc..... NO WORDS WILL HELP US. NO WORDS WILL DESCRIBE MY PAIN. I am destroyed and have no soul left yet there are positives..she will no longer suffer something she never EVER DESERVED. she was and is (she is still here, only physical left)the BEST MOM I COULD HAVE EVER ASKED FOR. 


YOUR DEAR MOMMY is STILL HERE ....BE WITH HER AND LOVE HER ALL THE TIME....ALL WE HAVE IN THIS WORLD IS APPRECIATION...WITHOUT IT WE ARE DOOMED.


GOD BLESS AND PLZ KEEP ME UPDATED...I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR PAIN TO NOT OVERCOME YOU. If i was suicidal i would have left because i know what your going through--PAIN!!SO MUCH ****ING PAIN. I watched my older brother get murdered infront of my eyes _ PAIN , My mom was the only good thing left ..and now shes gone too. LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME...LIVE FOR THE MOMENT AND DAY .We are ALLL born to die. GOD BLESS YOU



			
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jerbrad534

				      
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October 18, 2009 - 6:58pm

			
Dear Freddyfox and to all of you who have lost a loved one
			
I feel your anger and pain in the words you write and wish I had the perfect words to help you get through this.  Unfortunately, I don't.  I think you just have to take one day at a time and keep the good memories of your mom in your heart and mind at all times.  I didn't know her but I'm a mom of two boys (ages 20 & 24) and when I pass away, I want them to go on living a happy life knowing that they were loved and I did the best I could. Life goes on. 


I truly feel that things happen for a reason.  Maybe your pain will enable you to offer kind words on this blog to those going through similar times.  You've inspired me and I thank you.  The reason why I'm on this site is my 67 year old brother was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and there is very little hope. I'm the one taking him to the doctor, procedures and treatments.  I feel I have to be his rock and can't show my emotions in front of him.  Deep down inside, I'm crushed.  Although I believe in God and pray to him everyday, it helps to know there are people out there offering hope and wisdom through their own sorrow.  Thank you for that and please live your beautiful life as a tribute to your wonderful mother and rest assure she is watching over you.  GOD BLESS YOU!



			
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