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40 with 2yr and lost

tinabenecke
Posts: 4
Joined: Jun 2008

My husband was diagnosed with cancer Apr 08, right after our son turned 1. He put up a couragous battle. We took many trips to TX when we felt nothing more could be done at home. He passed at home on 6/23/09 at 42yrs old. I am now struggling terribly with the loss. My son is 2 and a half and constantly asks for his Daddy. Every time he does it is like ripping my heart out and stepping on it. I know I have to pull it together for my son I'm just not sure how to do that. I am still struggling with "could I have done more", "what if I did this instead of that".

My son is also not dealing well. His daycare is now telling me he is acting out. I have tried to get support for both of us but so far he is too young or it is too soon after my husband's passing. Please help, where do I turn now. I feel like I am losing it. It is hard enough with a very energetic 2year old, but now trying to deal with this loss too seems like more than I can handle.

sue Siwek
Posts: 281
Joined: Jun 2009

i may have no business answering you as i have not lost my husband. but, i am a caregiver of a man who has had cancer and now has other health issues. i just want to urge you to seek help. it is not too soon for you! if you get yourself dealing with your loss your child will follow. you are his example. you can not help him until you get help. call your primary care doctor, call community mental health if they can't help you they will direct you. please don't waste another minute, call for help now. let this site know how things are going.

tinabenecke
Posts: 4
Joined: Jun 2008

My son and I are going to orientation in Sept for a local support group. He will be with children his own age and I will be with someone like myself. I hope this will help both of us. Each day seems to be a bigger challenge than the one before and the pain is alot worse too. Thanks for caring.

sue Siwek
Posts: 281
Joined: Jun 2009

wonderful. a great begining, once you and your son are with people who are experienced with grief i am sure things will eventually get better for you. i am sure it will take time but you are doing the right thing. best of luck to you and please let this site know how things are progressing.

infoneeded
Posts: 24
Joined: Jul 2009

I almost understand how you feel. Between Surgery,Doctor visits, chemo, labs and mris in the back of my head all I think about is how am I going to go on without my husband and the father of my children. My husband was diagnosed May 1, 2009. He has stage IV GBM. After chemo and rediation his mri showed there was new growth. My husband too is 42, I will turn 40 next month and my children are 10, 12 and 17. Find strength through your son. He needs you now more than anything. I found it has gotten me this far and pray to God every day and night that I will be able to continue for them. I try to get through day by day but sometimes it is minute by minute. Hang in there. You can do this.

Chrissy

Eil4186's picture
Eil4186
Posts: 967
Joined: Dec 2007

I can't imagine what you are going through and my heart goes out to you and your son. Do you have family in the area that you could lean on a bit?

Most cancer centers have a social worker on staff that can refer you to a therapist that would be appropriate for your situation. I recently called the social worker at my cancer center and she was able to refer me to someone. Perhaps she/he will know of someone who could be helpful to both you and your son.

You have gone through such a tragic time in your life, I think it will take a long while to heal and work through your feelings. But I think that therapy will help and maybe you should not put it off. You are suffering. Sending prayers, Eil

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