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my mom is passing away...thank you for all your help and suppor

marc24
Posts: 92
Joined: Mar 2009

Hello,

As some of you have been familiar with me, I am a son of a strongwilled mom. Unfortunately as of today, she is passing away (she is in morphine drip to ease her passing). I will miss her dearly, I have cried rivers and I am out of emotions...she lost her battle due to her lack of oxygen as she has a serious breathing condition aside from the cancer...they were saying a clot in her lung. Again many thanks to everyone in here, and she is or will be in a better place...she has no pain right now compared to earlier. I will miss her so much.

One thing I want to point out is for any sons and daughters of any cancer patient here, please let us not wait till our parents are gravely ill to show affection and love...we should show it at all times, I tried my best, and I feel bad for her as she is only 62 with a lot of energy, she was only diagnosed 4 months ago, and I wasn't the closest son, but I am truly heart broken this. She is leaving me, my 2 older brothers and my stepdad, who just lost his mom last year...he has me though and I will put on 100 percent of my effort to take care of him. Please don't wait till the end to spend time with our moms and dads as we only get one set, I love you mom and I will make sure you don't waste the life u gave me as I will become the best person, best friend, best future husband, best future dad, and I will see you soon

karguy's picture
karguy
Posts: 1024
Joined: Apr 2009

I'm very sorry about your mom,I will say a prayer for her.At least her pain,and suffering are almost over.I'm sure your mother is proud of you already.God bless

Patteee's picture
Patteee
Posts: 950
Joined: Jul 2009

Marc- I am so sorry. *hugs* And so proud of you. Thanks for letting us be there for you. I wish this would have a different outcome!

mom_2_3's picture
mom_2_3
Posts: 939
Joined: Nov 2008

Marc,

I am sorry to hear your mom is not doing well. My father passed away 11 years ago from lung cancer. At his diagnosis I withdrew from graduate school and spent as much time as I could with him. I am glad that I had the opportunity to spend those months with him in contemplation and story-telling. I learned a lot more about my father during that time than I had the years and years previous.

My husband actually proposed to me on October 3 and the next morning my father went into the hospital for the last time. He passed away on October 4. I have been grateful that I had the chance to tell my dad that his "little girl" (youngest of 7) would be taken care of. When he actually passed I was holding his hand.

I am sure your mom knows how deeply you love her and can feel your love and spirit with her. Keep in mind that you have always been the best person you could be in your mom's eyes and now you will carry her with you forever.

dianetavegia's picture
dianetavegia
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

Marc, I'm so very sorry to hear this but am so thankful for your words of wisdom. Make a copy of what you've said and keep it someplace where you'll come across it once in a while as a reminder of how short life really is.

God Bless you and your family,
Diane

marc24
Posts: 92
Joined: Mar 2009

Its hard for me to accept this reality as I sit here waiting for her, but she is the type of person that has an effect on everyone...her name is aliw, this translates to "joy" in my native language, tagalog. It truly embodies her attitude on life, I am just baffled as to how fast it happened...i just wanted to say I will continue to go into this forum as I am also hoping for the best for each and everyone of u...and for those "newly admitted" forum people, I wish u all the luck but remember one thing, our current world is pleasant but sometimes cruel....the world my mom is going to is perect so in the end, she will be in a better place. Keep this in mind as I have this in mind to keep my sanity. We will all meet eventually

nudgie's picture
nudgie
Posts: 1480
Joined: Sep 2006

of Heaven will open their arms for your mother and will except this new Angel. Take it from a mother (my son is 26 yrs old), we know that our sons and daughters love us even though they don't always say it or show it.

Our children are live baby birds. We feed you, take care of you, teach you the ways of the world and then push out of the home for you to spread your wings and fly on your own. Knowing that if needed, you will return :)

I believe there is a reason for everything and sometimes it does not make sense or it is not fair, but one day the reason will be known.

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 7948
Joined: Aug 2005

And oh, so true! The biggest regret I have with the passing of my daughter was that I didn't get to say 'goodbye' and 'I love you' one last time....

My cancer journey has taught me the same as you...don't leave things unsaid, try to be kind to everyone you meet, and live each day as if its your last...I was a healthy 49 year old when I was diagnosed.

I am sending my deepest sympathies to you and to your family...but remember, as I always say to myself...she is not leaving, merely moving, from in front of your eyes, into your heart, where she will live on forever.

Hugs, Kathi

betina61's picture
betina61
Posts: 642
Joined: Jul 2006

You brought tears to my eyes, what a beautiful message you wrote,may God give you the Serenity to accept this sad reality,I will pray for you and your family.

tkd3g
Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

Marc,

I am so sorry for what Mom, you and your family are going through. It is a heart wrenching process.

I am still in that process, as my dad just passed away on Saturday. Dad also declined very quickly. Diagnosed just 4 months ago. He made the bravest decision I have ever encountered, to not seek treatment. He would have had to go thru 2 surgeries and 1 "procedure" just to get to the point where they could start chemo. I know he wouldn't have made it to even that point. He made the brave, courageous choice. The hardest of his 83 years of life.

I am praying for Mom, you and your family. You sound like wonderful, caring son.

I second Marc's message about expressing your love to everyone you know as if you may never see them again.

Hugs,

Barb

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4683
Joined: May 2005

Your comments ring true. It is often the case that it that we don't what we have 'till it's gone...
-p

Julie 44
Posts: 479
Joined: Oct 2008

Marc,
I am so very sorry about your Mom...Please know you and your family are in my prayers...I totally understand what you are saying about spending time with your loved ones..Life gets in the way alot and it becomes a big hassel sometimes but WE must do it because like you said you don't want to wait till its to late..We should enjoy them while times are good...I know my own mother enjoys our company even though she only lives up the street and I talk on the phone to her all the time..She still says there is nothing like a visit.....
God Bless and remember your Mom will always be with you in your heart and soul forever.......JULIE

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4342
Joined: Jun 2009

Mark

I'm so saddened to read your post about your Mother. You seem to have found some sense of peace at this time, but I know it cannot be easy to sit and watch this go by.

From what I've read, you have gone above and beyond and would be a son that any parent would be glad to have call their own. You've done all that you could to try and help your Mom. These are things that can be hard to understand, why this and why that.

Thank you for all of your posts and you've helped enlighten all of us out on the board with your experience.

All my best to you during your time of need
-Craig

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1162
Joined: May 2008

I am so sorry

michelle

sfmarie's picture
sfmarie
Posts: 605
Joined: Aug 2009

I am new to this board but am inspired by the kindness and compassion of the people on the board. I am sorry to hear about your mom. From what I have read, you have taken excellent care of her and shown her love and dedication. That must be the biggest comfort to her. May your pain be eased in return.

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3663
Joined: Jul 2008

Marc,

I almost feel like I know you from all of your postings. God bless you and your family with your mom's passing. I'm sorry to hear this- truly. I feel like a little piece of me breaks off each time I hear of someone with my same cancer type who's died from it. But then I know I go on and vow to fight even harder.
God bless you- I'll keep you in my prayers.

Hugs,
Lisa

kristasplace's picture
kristasplace
Posts: 877
Joined: Oct 2007

You have been a wonderful, strong advocate for your Mother, and she was very fortunate to have you. So many people have to go this journey alone, and i can't imagine anything worse than that. I'm glad to hear that you will continue with this board. Like Michelle, and many others who have lost a loved one to this disease, you understand what this illness can do.

My heart and thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

Hugs,
Krista

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

I am so sorry. she sounds like such a wonderful person. She`s lucky to have such a great person to carry on her legacy.

Eric

KarenS49's picture
KarenS49
Posts: 20
Joined: Feb 2009

Marc, I'm so sorry. I've been following your story and my heart just breaks for you. You have been such a loving son to her and I'm absolutely sure she knows just how much she means to you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Karen

krystle singer's picture
krystle singer
Posts: 109
Joined: Feb 2009

Dear Marc,
I am so very sorry about your mom. I've lost both parents, but then I am much older than you. My father died of cancer many years ago, but I remember the agony of watching the disease progress. You are in my prayers as is your mother. Please accept my heartfelt condolences. The last words I said to my dad were, "I love you." He knew. You are so right, don't wait to show love.

Love, hugs and prayers,
Sandi

butterfly23's picture
butterfly23
Posts: 257
Joined: Mar 2008

Hi Mark,

I am so sorry to hear your mom is not doing well, You are so right about letting people know how you feel about them before it is too late. Life is precious. Sometimes you hear certain expressions through out your life, "live today as if it is your last day" but how true it is! God bless you, your family and your Mom!
Love and Hugs!
Karyn

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 4409
Joined: Feb 2009

Marc: My heart aches for you. You have been on these boards searching for answers to help your mom cope and you have truly been a devoted son. You mom, I know, is very proud of you. You are truly an inspirational person by the care you have shown. Please give your mom and hug and a kiss from me and I will also pray that she goes quietly and peacefully to heaven.

Kim

dmdwins
Posts: 451
Joined: Aug 2008

Marc,
Please know how deeply sorry I am that it seems the end is near. Know that you and the rest of your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Dawn

fighting for mom's picture
fighting for mom
Posts: 96
Joined: Jan 2009

I am glad that you have gotten to spend this time with your mom. You must know how much it meant to her - to have you there helping her and being there for her. It is so hard to hear she is close to the end- but rather the beginning of the next phase. That is how my Mom talks about her diagnosis. I am not sure any of us are ever 'ready' for that next phase, but it is good that she will not be in pain anymore.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers in this very difficult time.

Susan

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5016
Joined: Feb 2008

Oh, Marc.

I'm so sorry this time has come for you and your family. You have been such a rock for your mom, and she's been so strong in her fight against this beast. I was so hoping things would turn out differently.

You are so right about cherishing people sooner rather than later. No one knows how much time we have here on earth, so we need to make the most of it and especially need to make time with our loved ones good.

My prayers will be with you, and I hope you will come back and chat with us.

*hugs*
Gail

idlehunters's picture
idlehunters
Posts: 1792
Joined: Apr 2009

I just sat here and cried my heart out over your post. I am so sorry about your Mom. I said a prayer for her and all of your family. You have many shoulders here.

Jennie

dee42
Posts: 23
Joined: Sep 2006

Mark, so sorry about your Mom...I can truly relate to your feelings as I recently lost my mom 2 weeks ago. She, too, fought a courageous six year battle, but no longer suffering from the horrid effects of this awful disease. I pray you find peace during this difficult time. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Dee

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2319
Joined: Jan 2009

Marc,
I'm so very, very sorry to hear about your mom. I will pray for her and you and your family. You are so right that we need to take advantage of all our time with our loved ones.
Aloha,
Kathleen

Sonia32's picture
Sonia32
Posts: 1069
Joined: Mar 2009

Marc,

You have been a tower of strength for your mom, and I'm sure she knows and appreciates everything you have done for her.

I'm so sorry it's come to that time, all I know is that it's important your with her, as I remember I was there with my mum. It's a horrible thing to go through, but you feel deep down some where that they have gone while you were with them (I know some people don't get that chance)

Please keep checking in with us, because I feel it will be important for you to let us know how you are doing.
Big hugs to uou
Sonia

marc24
Posts: 92
Joined: Mar 2009

Before i dissappear from these message boards, i would just like to comment on how strong my mom was. My mom technically lost her battle two days ago at 2pm, but she miraculously woke up and was able to speak and laugh with my other family members for another 3 hrs...then it got harder and harder for her to breathe....she was in a 100% oxygen for the next 17 hrs, just waiting on my brother who was flying from Virginia, and he got here at around 2pm yesterday. He had about an hr with her and us praying around her, until we all decided to take her out of life support, which is one of her wishes when she was able. She was asked this question just three days ago but it still surreal that it just happened. SO my mom is gone, but i know she will live on forever. Thank you all for the support and i definitely wish each and everyone one of u, whetehr u are a caregiver or a patient/survivor yourself, to not give up as my mom didnt. The last few words she uttered was "i am tired" but before that, she was mentioning, "i want to get ready to go home" which means all this time during her hardship, she just wants to get better. Take care everyone - MARC

marc24
Posts: 92
Joined: Mar 2009

Before i dissappear from these message boards, i would just like to comment on how strong my mom was. My mom technically lost her battle two days ago at 2pm, but she miraculously woke up and was able to speak and laugh with my other family members for another 3 hrs...then it got harder and harder for her to breathe....she was in a 100% oxygen for the next 17 hrs, just waiting on my brother who was flying from Virginia, and he got here at around 2pm yesterday. He had about an hr with her and us praying around her, until we all decided to take her out of life support, which is one of her wishes when she was able. She was asked this question just three days ago but it still surreal that it just happened. SO my mom is gone, but i know she will live on forever. Thank you all for the support and i definitely wish each and everyone one of u, whetehr u are a caregiver or a patient/survivor yourself, to not give up as my mom didnt. The last few words she uttered was "i am tired" but before that, she was mentioning, "i want to get ready to go home" which means all this time during her hardship, she just wants to get better. Take care everyone - MARC

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

how strong your mom was till the end, I am so in tears here, and know she is in a much better place, I remember when you both came to these boards, and when she was even starting to feel normal alittle, and going out, this happened to her so quick, and I'm so sorry for this, I feel horrible for you and her and wish you both had more time together. I will miss you and her and hope your life goes on for the best, you were a wonderful caretaker and she loved you so much, she is still all around you, and you can tell she was ready to go "home" where there is no pain, my prayers are with the both of you, if I can stop blubbering, I do hope you stop and say hi to us still Marc, and let us know how you're doing, again, I'm so sorry for her, this was too quick.

Hugssssss!
~Donna

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 7948
Joined: Aug 2005

What a trooper! I'm sending my hugs to you all....

remember....from in front of your eyes, into your heart, where she will live on forever!

Hugs, Kathi

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3041
Joined: May 2009

Bless her soul.......I am a believer, she's around.

marc24
Posts: 92
Joined: Mar 2009

I'm not going anywhere, might visit less frequently, but these message boards are littered by my questions for the last 4 months so its nice to see my own post once in a while to remind me of my mom, and also why my mom is in a better place...i never realized how much suffering she experienced over the last 4 months, esp. with my questions on pain, so this means that she is in a better place cuz there is no pain there....on the flip side, thre is a lot of hope out there and everyone keep on fighting because there is a lot to live for.

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5016
Joined: Feb 2008

Marc,

I'm so very sorry about your mom. I know it's a bite. But what a blessing that you had those few bonus hours when she was able to talk to the family and share more precious moments. I'm sure you will treasure that time forever.

Please come by and let us know how you are. I'll be praying for you.

*hugs*
Gail

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 4409
Joined: Feb 2009

Marc you and your family and mom are in my prayers. Please take this time to grieve and realize that you did every thing you could do to help her. Please you and you come back on these boards as much as you want as you are part of the family now.

Kim

jenalynet's picture
jenalynet
Posts: 363
Joined: Nov 2005

My thoughts are with you and your family. Your mom is now your angel, God bless you, Audrey.

lmliess's picture
lmliess
Posts: 331
Joined: Dec 2008

and as mentioned above, when it is time, the gates of heaven will open their doors for her and she will be in a better place.

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3663
Joined: Jul 2008

Oh, Marc-

Even though you said it was happening, I'm still sad for you to hear she did actually pass on.
I've heard of stories of others too who got to rally before their death so they were coherent to visit with family members before finally dying. I'm glad you and the family at least got that time with her.
You take care and take time for yourself. As a grieving son, you will go through different stages over time- so allow yourself that.

Blessings to you,
Lisa

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2319
Joined: Jan 2009

Marc,
My heart hurts for you and your family. You have been a wonderful son to your mother during her fight. She was a strong woman, she is now at peace. Know that we are thinking of you and will keep you in our prayers.
Aloha,
Kathleen

lizzydavis's picture
lizzydavis
Posts: 893
Joined: May 2009

I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. Please know that your mom would want the best for you and for you to continue on every day putting your best foot forward and honoring her by your success in life and kindness to others.
I have a special prayer which I keep near me which has been a great comfort to me. I hope it is a comfort to you too.
----------
In Memory Of a Mother
“ I remember thee in this solemn hour, my dear mother. I remember the days when thou didst dwell on Earth and thy tender love watched over me like a guardian angel. Thou hast gone from me, but the bond which unites our souls can never be severed; thine image lives within my heart. May the merciful Father reward the for the faithfulness and kindness thou has ever shown me; may he lift up the light of his countenance upon thee, and grant thee eternal peace. Amen.”

tiny one
Posts: 467
Joined: Jan 2009

I have lost both my parents. Holidays were hard for me, I really felt the loss at this time. I made a memorial area for the ones who had passed at Christmas time in honor of them. I put out pictures of them and would light a light every nite in honor and remembrance. This really made me feel better. So sorry for your pain. Your Mom raised a wonderful family.

marc24
Posts: 92
Joined: Mar 2009

i wonder if any of you are still using these message boards...yesterday was my mom's wouldabeen 66th bday..its crazy how i look back 3 1/2 years ago writing this and how life has changed......anyways just checking to see if yall stil around this post and wish you all the best of luck...you ALL helped me through a tough stretch in 2009.

this website really needs to be given more credit, it is self therapy.

 

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 7948
Joined: Aug 2005

I hate that you have to celebrate your mom's birthday without her physical presence, but I LOVE that you still carry her in your heart!!!!

 

I 'lost' my mom 2 years ago, April.  I still think of her often.  Like you, I celebrate her birthday (May 5) with fond memories.

 

I agree, this site is AMAZING!  I have 'met' people from all over the world...fighting a common cause, and the same monster...

How are YOU doing now?  I hope living life has gotten in the way of the terrible memories!!!

 

BIG hugs from the past....AND the FUTURE!!!

 

Hugs, Kathi

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 1709
Joined: Jan 2013

I am so very sorry about your mum's passing in 2009.

I am glad that you have returned, because I am struggling with my two grown, at home sons, who don't seem to have a clue what I am going through with my cancer. 

Don't get me wrong, they are good boys, I just think they believe that nothing bad (as in my passing) will happen.

Anyway, I am going to have them read your initial post and I thank you for sharing your feelings at such a sensitive time. 

I know your mum lives with you in your heart.

 

jen2012
Posts: 1255
Joined: Aug 2012

I agree with Trubrit.   My husband gets upset with our daughter's (15) lack of concern and her attitude.  I think it's her way of dealing with things, but  reading your posts could be helpful.  Thanks for sharing your feelings and I'm very sorry about your mom.   Please take comfort in knowing that moms do know their kids care even if they don't always know how to show it. 

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2324
Joined: Oct 2011

but just wanted to say that I'm sorry you lost your mom to this terrible disease.  My mom died in November.  It's just very difficult losing a parent, but especially our mothers.  No one else can take her place.  Hugs~Ann Alexandria

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 347
Joined: Apr 2009

Hey Marc:

I totally remember you...because I just lost my Mom two months before you lost your Mom...and at that time I was 12 years old. So, yes, I totally remember you, and believe it, or not, there's no single day I do not think of my Mom (or even my Dad and brother who passed away in 2007). I do think of them. I often wonder how my life would've turned out to be...I often imagine "going home" and having a family table in the kitchen where we would all sit around and eat yummy dinner together and ask each other how was school. We would be eating my Mom's yummy warm food...like real food! Instead of living on spagthettios (don't take me wrong I like them, but sometimes a big real warm soup, or baked food would be lovely). Anyway, I do remember you, and I want to tell you that your Mom will never really go away. I often look up the sky and see the shiniest star and I know that is her! :) AND I'm dreaming about being on an airplane....I want to be on an airplane 24/7....because that is probably the closest I'll ever be to her. It would be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo awesome! Until then I'm just surviving...but every step I'm taking I'm thinking it has to be steps that my Mom would approve and be proud of me choosing. She whispers to me and gives me signs what I should do and how. She will never leave me, and same for you. Your Mom will never really leave you! This is a Mom nature...they just stick around. :) All the best to you in your life's journey!

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