Aug 01, 2009 - 9:51 pm
Ok, I think I am crazy. What a week. First, I am terrified my mother is going to die; and now I am feeling totally optimistic. I read someone's post about abraxene (paxitacil) and that's what my mother is going to get. The oncologist said we were going for a cure. So I sit here tonight and think, "no problem". I'm out of my mind aren't I? Then I feel guilty because I feel so confident blah blah blah. Then I think if I feel too confident that's a bad thing and if I am too pessimistic that's a bad thing. This is crazy. I don't know how you have all done it for so long. I feel guilty also because I can't wait to go home. I won't be seeing my mother through her first few rounds. My sister will. Then I feel guilty because I don't have the disease and shouldn't even be sharing with everyone here because it's your column, and I'm healthy, what right do I even have to be here? The oncologist did say they thought her OVCA was genetic, which gives me the probability of getting it and I didn't even seem to care. Yet, I am checking this board 3 times a day at least. I wonder how I would have made it through this week without it. I hope this is normal for week 1. I really hope it's ok to be here too.
Anyway, prayers and hugs to you all. Thanks for everyone's posting. When i return to MN I will upload my picture! I really hope you don't mind if I come everyday and check in and just share. It has helped so much already. Thanks. LisaQ