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how to cope??

tnkjohnson2008
Posts: 2
Joined: Jul 2009

here is our story...i have been stay at home mom to my two children ages 10 and 8...my fiancee has been the sole provider for the family...about 6 months ago we noticed a lump on his left testicle...i told him we need to get it checked out, he said no, its fine and will go away on its own, if not well go to the doctor...over the next 6 months it got bigger and started to get painful...i begged him to go to the doctor, his excuse now that he had no insurance...well he woke up about a week ago in so much pain, he couldnt walk...i took him to the ER and after a day of tests and probing and prodding etc they diagnosed him with testicular cancer and scheduled us for an appointment with a urologist to have surgery...we met with the urologist, he again confirmed cancer, scheduled for surgery this coming monday...over the past week we have been thru so many emotions...he had to take FMLA from work thus leaving us with no income, we are now on public assistance something i never imagined for us, it is humiliating, the worst part is it is not even enough to cover our rent, let alone utilities, phone, car payments, insurance, etc...i have been on the phone non stop trying to get financial help from every program avaialable and trying to make sure we will have a roof over our heads and food on the table etc...i know it will be tough but we will make it, i have found a job and start in August...in the meantime he is in intense pain, his testicle is swelling bigger on a daily basis, currently the size of a baseball...he has no pain medication as we have no ins and no money to get RX filled....(we are awaiting approval from the state for medical but he is ineligible as he made too much money for this month and possibly next depeinding on last paycheck) he is sooo moody and taking all his frustrations out on me, i know he is hurting and in pain, but it hurts me....i have been doing so much for us to keep things somewhat stable and do not feel the least bit appreciated...i am not able to show any emotions because if i do i am told i am being selfish and i need to think of him...wtf?? i feel like i am neglecting my kids because i am so wrapped up in Dr appts and trying to get us help etc...i am trying sooo hard to keep it all together, but feel a breakdown coming on....what can i do?? any ideas?? i too have feelings and am just as scared as he is...why cant i express them???

lineman's picture
lineman
Posts: 14
Joined: Jul 2009

i have been diagnosed for a little over a week now. so i am basically in your shoes. Although when my wife saw me she made an appointment and i listened to her and went. so my testical was only the size of an egg. I have already had the surgery to remove my testical. It is a minor surgery. I was walking around the same day. was off of pain pills in two days. BUT this is just the beginning for you guys. I am sitting here waiting to find out what my next move is. Things move very slow! You will be looking at either chemo or another surgery removing the lymph nodes in his abdomen. or both. And is all you can do is wait. and wait. Answers do not come fast enough. I basically know what my next move is about as well as you can guess what my next move is. As for your fiance... he has got to understand that you are going through just as much as he is. Minus the pain. My wife is pretty upset with all of it. She cries every day. I have to be the strong one. and it is not because she wants me to be. it is just because it helps her for me to look like everything is going great. You might need to find your one or two good friends that you can unload on. The friends that will not pass what you say on to your fiance. I hear these billboards help people. I hear lots about finding support groups. All i can tell you is that you need to have people to talk to. It is a hard long road ahead of you two.

redheadbass2's picture
redheadbass2
Posts: 14
Joined: Feb 2007

Having Cancer is Hard - Finding help shouldn't be...

Have you called your American Cancer Society (ACS)? The 800# is 1-800-227-2345

ACS is the leader in Cancer information, day-to-day help, and EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. They are there 24/7...I called them at Christmas at like 9:30PM...and they were there to tell me about my Testicular Cancer!

I know that they have a 'Health Insurance Assistance' department that you could talk to about insurance issues. They will also be able to tell you what is in your local area beyond what you have already found.

I can tell you that it sounds like you are doing a fine job at being his biggest advocate, and finding help! Keep up the good work! It's hard for guys to communicate sometimes...make that most times...especially when in pain. My wife can attest.

Whenever people go through any illness (depression, substance abuse, cancer, Alzheimers, etc.), Caregivers all kind of have to separate the illness from their loved ones, and accept that this is a person that they Love and that, under normal circumstances, they wouldn't treat you like this, and that this is the 'illness talking.' You do have the right to very gently and lovingly remind him that you can only help him as much as he is willing to help himself. And, if you didn't care for him--you wouldn't be there.

I would be willing to Blog with him during my free time here at the Cancer Survivor's Network (CSN) if He is willing.

I wish you and yours the best.

Brandon

Tami2501
Posts: 12
Joined: Aug 2009

I feel for you. My husband was recently diagnosed with Testicular cancer. It has already spread to his lymph nodes so they started chemo right away. He unfortunately did not have any symptoms so it came as a shock to us when we heard the news. At first they thought is was lymphoma, it was not until they biopsied a few lymph nodes from his neck that we found out it was actually testicular cancer. Cancer brings up tons of emotions all at once, couple with the financial burden it can seem unbearable. Hang in there, and take one day at a time. That is what I am doing and it helps a little.

I have found there are actually alot of programs available out there. The American Cancer Society is one, but there is also CancerCare (www.cancercare.org or 1-800-813-HOPE) they sent me an application where they provide assistace for tranportation, child care, home care, pain medications and other supplies to those who qualify. Our mail order pharmacy has also told us they have a program for those who qualify to provide copay assistance. I am sure there are other programs available. You may also want to try Lance Armstrongs website (http://www.livestrong.org). From that site, I got in contact with the Patient Advocate Foundation (www.patientadvocate.org or (800) 532-5274 ) they also can help with assistance or help find assistance if needed. You can also talk to his Oncologist or their office staff and see if they have anything or know of anything. More than likely they have the information you need.

I hope all of this helps. My heart goes out to you. You are not alone.

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