Jul 24, 2009 - 10:12 pm
here is our story...i have been stay at home mom to my two children ages 10 and 8...my fiancee has been the sole provider for the family...about 6 months ago we noticed a lump on his left testicle...i told him we need to get it checked out, he said no, its fine and will go away on its own, if not well go to the doctor...over the next 6 months it got bigger and started to get painful...i begged him to go to the doctor, his excuse now that he had no insurance...well he woke up about a week ago in so much pain, he couldnt walk...i took him to the ER and after a day of tests and probing and prodding etc they diagnosed him with testicular cancer and scheduled us for an appointment with a urologist to have surgery...we met with the urologist, he again confirmed cancer, scheduled for surgery this coming monday...over the past week we have been thru so many emotions...he had to take FMLA from work thus leaving us with no income, we are now on public assistance something i never imagined for us, it is humiliating, the worst part is it is not even enough to cover our rent, let alone utilities, phone, car payments, insurance, etc...i have been on the phone non stop trying to get financial help from every program avaialable and trying to make sure we will have a roof over our heads and food on the table etc...i know it will be tough but we will make it, i have found a job and start in August...in the meantime he is in intense pain, his testicle is swelling bigger on a daily basis, currently the size of a baseball...he has no pain medication as we have no ins and no money to get RX filled....(we are awaiting approval from the state for medical but he is ineligible as he made too much money for this month and possibly next depeinding on last paycheck) he is sooo moody and taking all his frustrations out on me, i know he is hurting and in pain, but it hurts me....i have been doing so much for us to keep things somewhat stable and do not feel the least bit appreciated...i am not able to show any emotions because if i do i am told i am being selfish and i need to think of him...wtf?? i feel like i am neglecting my kids because i am so wrapped up in Dr appts and trying to get us help etc...i am trying sooo hard to keep it all together, but feel a breakdown coming on....what can i do?? any ideas?? i too have feelings and am just as scared as he is...why cant i express them???