grief and feeling so helpless/planning future

sally72
sally72 Member Posts: 25
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
my husband comes home from rehab tomorrow ... with hospice following close after .

my husband and i have a soulmate relationship . it's ripping me up inside knowing that all too soon we will be seperated until it becomes my time to join him . i had seen my case manager and began flipping through emotional stuff grief fear loss and can't forget anger . so many emotions and i hate to cry , but that's just what i did . i'd held it in for a couple of days until i knew i'd be seeing her ... knowing she's my biggest support right now and once in her car i went to meltdown mode .

true to my expectations she was right there and didn't act clinical because the act team she works on also has my husband as a cliant and they are all feeling this maby not as deep but he's going to be missed very much by many people

the added burden of my haveing mult sclerosis and not able to do much of what he needs ... thank god for hospice !!! if any of you as caregivers are with a hospice program thank you so much ... we have been touching base by phone and they'll be here to help him .

he and i have started to talk about his cancer and the need for hospice ... we don't want the thundering silence of his cancer might take him way too soon and we will be seperated for a time then be reunited later . i share my really awesome daughter with him and she adores him more than a step father i have had problems with mental health issues and don't want to risk acting on impule post his departure ... seeking assisted liveing so i won't be alone and act stupid . it might sound cold and uncareing to think about this now --- putting it off will only worry him and leave me unprepaired

he knows my mental health problems may over wheal me and when i told him what i am planning with my case manager the relief in his voice was like a shout of peace . i feel that the one with the cancer and gets to this stage would really want to know his or her loved ones have plans as each will need time for grief and loss . my son passed in an accident and i wasn't able to have a preplan .... with my soulmate i need to have the support firmly ready .. as we are simply one and half of me is going to start a new journey

Comments

  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    Sally...
    there is no greater g i f t you can give your husband at this point than peace of mind in regard to your future. Knowing you have taken the necessary steps to secure yourself will make it possible for him to concentrate more on the future reuniting than on the leave-taking.
    So many, many times we hear of someone holding on to life until their dear one tells them...'I will be ok if you have to leave me'...and then passing within hours. When it is time for your husband to go, you do not want to hold him here in an unhappy state of worry over you.
    God bless you both.
  • sally72
    sally72 Member Posts: 25
    zahalene said:

    Sally...
    there is no greater g i f t you can give your husband at this point than peace of mind in regard to your future. Knowing you have taken the necessary steps to secure yourself will make it possible for him to concentrate more on the future reuniting than on the leave-taking.
    So many, many times we hear of someone holding on to life until their dear one tells them...'I will be ok if you have to leave me'...and then passing within hours. When it is time for your husband to go, you do not want to hold him here in an unhappy state of worry over you.
    God bless you both.

    yah i know --- 10 = years
    yah i know --- 10 = years ago my son was in a car accident and we took him off life support but he kept hanging on until i said mommy loves you and i will be ok you can go now

    he peacefully left
  • Amy41
    Amy41 Member Posts: 13
    sally72 said:

    yah i know --- 10 = years
    yah i know --- 10 = years ago my son was in a car accident and we took him off life support but he kept hanging on until i said mommy loves you and i will be ok you can go now

    he peacefully left

    Planning for a future without your loved one
    Lots of plans went down the toilet - we have a storage locker full of outdoor adventure gear and now the majority of it will see little use for the next year or so while I care for and say goodbye to my husband and adventure partner. Lets see the future without him - will be lonely and I know I will miss him - as far as mental health issues go - better living through chemistry got me through a tough break up and is now helping me to deal with loosing him way too soon. I think the plan will be to have a gear garage sale and donate the money to a charity that helps folks enjoy the outdoors like outdoors for more. I'll probably get involved in some volunteer work and get back to hanging with single friends its goign to be tough to be around the coupled up folks