Cancer Survivors Network

Hi Slickwilly, and thank you so much for your response. I sometimes think I could write a book about all this, and from what you have said, I suspect you could as well about your experiences.
It does make it hard, that I have to now deal with this every day. I continue to try to be kind not only because I think this is probably the right thing to do, but also because I love my husband and do not want to make this situation with his parents affect our marriage anymore than it already has. This was not the first time they did something like this. Rather, it was a continued pattern of behavior.
You are right about there being givers and takers in life. Often, those who receive from the givers forget too quickly the help they have gotten, and aren't very thankful, and don't "pass it on".

I think I am going to try to give myself a little break from the situation. I do have my husband's blessing on that. He agrees that things are getting out of hand with the phone calls and demands for more and more of not only our time, but the time of her other children and sons-in-law and daughters-in-law. I don't wish to confront her on this. I think it would do absolutely no good.

that if your mother-in-law has this many people at her beck and call, it would benefit you all to set up a schedule of attention-giving. Mondays are one person's day to be 'on call' to her, Tuesdays are for someone else, etc. Or it could be done by who meets which needs, such as driving her to the store, or whatever. A little organization goes a long way to preventing over-use of any one person, or doubling up on tasks that can be done by one person alone.
She may not like the regimen, but if you all stick by your guns and just say, 'can't today, mom...this is your day to call Sam'...she will soon get the message and decide to play by the rules if she wants to be in the game at all.

A couple of her daughters are already doing something like that. One of the problems that we're up against is that one daughter SAID she will devote the same day every week to her, and then the daughter will often say something has come up and she can't do it. Also, we're finding that someone taking mom-in-law out for an afternoon isn't enough for her, she wants an activity for morning, afternoon, and night! She's in her eighties, and she's wearing out all of us! She's in great physical shape (better than I am).
We're also finding that she does not like to take no for an answer. After being at her husband's beck and call for so many years she now seems to want all of us to be at her beck and call. It's going to take courage on the part of her children to deal with this. Luckily, I can sit in the background a little and let them handle discussing this with her. Frankly, the last couple of weeks have gotten really difficult for me in dealing with this situation, and I have dealt with it by sometimes not answering the phone when she calls. The problem is, she keeps calling and calling. And, since we run my husband's business from our home, taking the phone off the hook is not a solution.

but it sounds to me like it's time for some 'tough love'. Being allowed to be a demanding, self centered, self absorbed person is not emotionally healthy for her. Help her rise above it by refusing to be an enabler.