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Mother of young adult daughter diagnosed with cancer looking for emotional support from same.



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Dezsmom

				          
            Posts: 4

          
          
            Joined: Jun 2009

          
        					
				
		
									

        			    June 30, 2009 - 6:16pm			  			

			
			
I am looking for emotional support from other Mothers who are care givers to young adult daughters. My daugther was diagnosed in 2006 with stage III primary peritonel cancer, (a rare ovarian cancer). She was 21 years old at the time of her diagnosis.  She has had a full hysterectomy as well as chemotherapy. My daughter is now 23 and many of her friends are getting married and having children.  This is taking a toll on my daughter emotionally and I find myself feeling very helpless when it comes to consoling her. We have inquired with local support groups, but find that most of these groups are made up of persons who are older than my daughter and she is unable to relate to them. I feel like she is looking to me for the fix and I am unable to deliver one. When she was younger I could kiss her hurt away or buy her something to make her feel better. With her cancer and the subsequent side effects and life changes she is experiencing I feel I am failing as her Mother when I am unable to paint a brighter picture for her. Is there any one who can relate to my feelings as a care giver? 


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FieldsOfGold

				      
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July 4, 2009 - 12:18pm

			
I have a 24 year old
			
I have a 24 year old daughter who is being treated for nasopharyngeal cancer. I have many of the same issues. This cancer is very rare in young people. The worst moments is when she starts to cry because she says her life is ruined. She was an active world travelor before this happened. And now she is a total dependent.



			
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Dezsmom

				      
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July 11, 2009 - 6:26pm

			
Support system
			
Have you seeked out and found and type of support group that helps?  I tried a local support group, but in my area most of the participants were persons who had been diagnosed with cancer. As a caregiver I felt uncomfortable and shallow discussing my feelings in a group of those who are diagnosed with the disease. 


I have also reached out to family members, specifically my mother, who seems to compound the issue. When I told my mother that my daughter was upset by those around her who were able to lead normal lives; getting married, having children, etc.  Her response was; she can always adopt. I guess this was not the response I was looking for. I did not find this to be emotionaly supportive. 


My marriage to my daughters step father barely survived the first year of treatments and recently we have had more news that is not looking very promising in my daughters diagnosis. I am not so sure my marriage will survive this time. 


Because I have a 15 year old son at home and am the sole caretaker of my daughter due to a lack of family in the area. I find myself putting a tough facade out to her and others. This facade crumbles when ever I am alone. I feel very helpless in all this as a mother. The helplessness is an awful feeling because I want to make her her pain go away much like I did with her scrapes when she was little. 



			
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kimby

				      
	        Posts: 656

	      
	      
	        Joined: Oct 2007

	      
	    				
		
			
July 5, 2009 - 9:51am

			
Mom
			
First I need to tell you that I am not a caregiver, I'm living with canzer.  I was diagnosed at 42, much older than your daughter, but with a canzer that 2/3 are over 65.  I've tried support groups and end up feeling worse when I leave than when I arrive. 


What I have to offer isn't much, but I hope it will help.  Has she found  stupidcancer.com?  It is a website with active messageboards specifically built for cancer survivors under 30.  They have a unique perspective there because it really is different for those that young.  I hope she can find peace and understanding.


Hugs,


Kimby



			
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Dezsmom

				      
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July 11, 2009 - 6:28pm

			
Thank you
			
Thank you for the information.  I will definetly look in to it. Please know you are in my prayers.  



			
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poopsiegal

				      
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July 16, 2009 - 11:24pm

			
a momalso
			
omg i know how u r feeling my son is 27 and has esophgeal cancer and our life has been forever changed.he also was a busy body and working and etc and now well he sits at home he tries to do but his body wont let him i cry a many of nights because just like u i say i cant kiss this away it gets so hard sometime but i found through prayer we do make it when ppl ask how r u all doing this i say with the guidenance if GOD.

i know where u r in your life as far as watching your child in pain i know the anger the scary thoughts of is today the day but i also know GOD can give u what u need u hang in there

u cry when u need to u get angry  if u have to but then u shake yourself off and stand strong ok.



			
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