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Feeling rejected



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donk426

				          
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        			    June 30, 2009 - 9:22am			  			

			
			
Our really good friend and also my daughter's best friend's mom has terminal cancer.  She is not expected to live through the rest of the year.  My daughter (15yrs) is very upset because her friend doesn't want to talk to her as much as she used to.  She also is choosing to talk more to a boy she just met instead of my daughter.  My daughter doesn't understand why she is doing this.  My husband and I tried to explain to my daughter not to take it personally and that this girl is going through a very difficult time in her life and sometimes people push the ones they love most away.  I have no idea what to say to her because we have never dealt with cancer and someone dying like this.  Any advice would help.  Thank you.    Melanie


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longingforhope's picture
						
longingforhope

				      
	        Posts: 61

	      
	      
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June 30, 2009 - 12:50pm

			
Advice
			
Both of my girls 15 and 18 have been where your daughter is now.  My youngest daughter's friends father was diagnosed when they were 8 and just passed away this year.  It was very hard to explain to her why her friend sometimes just didn't want to talk or play but like you we just kept conveying that it was a difficult for her and she just needed to be there when she needed her.


My 18 yr old was 15 when her friend's father was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  It was very difficult on my daughter because her friend would go back and forth between her boyfriend and my daughter.  I tried to explain to her that it was a difficult time for her with what she was going through with her Dad plus both their hormones were changing and her friend was dealing with being interested in her boyfriend too.  On top of everything else I was friends with her Mom and helped her take care of him and was with her when he passed away.


Now my girls are dealing with their Dad having Stage 3 cancer and some of their friends are pulling away which has been hurtful.  Especially since they stuck by their friends when their Dad's were sick.  It's just a long lonely road and you being supportive of your daughter will help more than you will ever know.


God Bless


Hope



			
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donk426

				      
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June 30, 2009 - 4:51pm

			
advice - thanks
			
Thank you so much for giving me the information on what your daughters have gone through.  I was crying before I was finished reading.  This has helped me tremendously.  It made me realize this is not an isolated case. 


My heart goes out to you and your family right now dealing with their dad having cancer.  I can't even imagine.  I will pray for your daughters, you and their dad.  


God bless you and your family


Melanie



			
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terato

				      
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June 30, 2009 - 5:45pm

			
The rejection may be more because of adolescence than cancer.
			
Melanie,


As a teacher working in a middle school, I can attest to numerous examples of teen girls neglecting their "BBFs" for new boyfriends.  The girl may be seeking a diversion from her home situation amply provided by an exciting new "romance".  It is hard for the friend who feels abandoned, but may be the inspiration to explore new outlets of her own.  At 15, boyfriends come and go, but a true best friend will endure forever, or at least until college.


Love and Courage!


Rick      



			
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donk426

				      
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June 30, 2009 - 10:19pm

			
Thank you for your advice.
			
Thank you for your advice.  I really do appreciate it. 


Melanie



			
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