Tired of it all so soon!!
Well, surgery is out of the way and so are alot of steps and procedures. I think I've just become overwhelmed with so much I've had to deal with in such a short time (even though it seems like I have been going through this forever!) that now I just want it to be over.
How do you get through what seems like an eternity? I feel like I have fallen into a "two week" pattern....next appointment in two weeks....test results in two weeks....blood test in two weeks, etc. All the sudden it seems like things are getting stretched out and in reality I know it hasn't been that long.
What keeps weighing on my mind is the time frame ahead of me I have yet to deal with. We're talking months here! Even years!! What has helped everyone to cope?
I'm beginning to feel like a complete bum here. Part of it I can justify as I am recovering form surgery and part I seem to not be able to cope with. Not sure if it's feeling selfish that I left working to care for me (which puts a slight strain financially of course) or my body is just not use to "bumming" around.
My energy feels zapped so I don't feel like doing much that involves anything physical. Am I having a serious problem here like heading towards depression or has anyone gone through this phase before? As always I welcome everyones input and thanks so much in advance for sharing it with me.
Pammy Comments
-
Pammy, part of the problem
Pammy, part of the problem with the first few weeks is that the tests, doctor's appointments, test results, and decisions never seem to end. I remember one day getting in my car at work and saying "I have no idea what doctor I'm supposed to go see today, or where their office is", and having to go back into the office to look it up. But, it was because the ride had been so long and bumpy.
I firmly believe that knowing what you are dealing with is much easier than waiting (even if you receive 'bad' news), and being in the treatment stage is easier than the testing stage, since you are actually doing things to fight off the beast. I guess my bottom line is that it does get easier. Radiation is quite a bit easier than what you've already gone through.
I did work part-time while I was going through radiation. That was one way I kept my sanity. I found that if I could concentrate on something else for a while, it helped my outlook. But, it doesn't have to be work: if you can find something else that you can fully immerse yourself in, then it will take your mind off BC for a while.
Joyce0 -
I didn't look at the whole
I didn't look at the whole thing lying ahead. I just looked at today and what I had to do. Try to do as much fun stuff as you can. When I felt tired, I rested. Hang in there and someday you will be looking back on all this and won't remember half of it. Unless it is written down. And you can ignore that when you want.0 -
It is very possible...
that you could be heading into some degree of depression. Almost everyone in treatment experiences it at some phase of the process. This is not a hang nail after all.
I think the important thing concerning your mental and emotional health during this time is to give yourself permission to be as down as you need to be, but do not let it stretch out over a long period of time before asking your medical team for help with it. Many people swear by the meds they have taken to help them cope during treatment.
Just don't feel that you 'have' to be down all the time.
This process is going to go in cycles, both physically and emotionally, and there is certainly no shame in getting help with EVERY aspect of the battle.
God bless.0 -
We all go thru this, but,
We all go thru this, but, each individual chooses how to get rid of it. I chose to keep busy and to do things that I wanted to do. If I had sat around the house, it would have driven me nuts, and, I would have been depressed too all of the time. So, get out and do something. Go back to work part time maybe, go to the gym, go to lunch with friends, work outside in the yard, do some charity work, just do something so that you aren't sitting around focusing on this all of the time. Talk to your husband, and, maybe that will help too. But, just be active and focus on your future! A good and healthy one!
Oh, and, just looking at RE's lil baby granddaughter that is going thru so much, might make our problems seem somehow, less.0 -
If you didn't hate it, we would wonder....
It's basically a terrorist attack. And, there is no choice but to go thru it...the alternative being no choice at all....
I always found something to laugh about. Every day. Some days were very, very tough...but then I would watch MASH or a funny movie.
Realize that there IS an end to this, and picture yourself emerging VICTORIOUS!!!!
I planned a trip to Palm Springs after all treatments were over to my favorite spa. That was at the beginning with my colon cancer. Had to reschedule when I was then dx'ed with breast cancer. But, planning and thinking about it got me thru some pretty narly stuff...bowel obstructions, one that earned me another hospital stay and another surgery. I went for 3 days. Just me. 2 days, I had appointments at the spa. Day 3, I hung out by the pool. It was GREAT!!!
Your feelings are very normal, dearheart...and, if you need a bit of help, well, ask for it!!! I saw a gal who specialized in counseling cancer patients...
Hugs, Kathi0 -
I too am dealing with the 2
I too am dealing with the 2 week time frame and I haven't even had a biopsy yet... this is frustrating.
My sister found a lump. I called my gyno to get a referral for a mammo. 2 weeks.
I got a bad report...and a referral for a surgeon... 2 weeks.
scheduled a biopsy... 2 more weeks.
I hope to have results by the end of next week but who knows... I'll probably 2 more weeks.
Ellen0 -
It's normaleph said:I too am dealing with the 2
I too am dealing with the 2 week time frame and I haven't even had a biopsy yet... this is frustrating.
My sister found a lump. I called my gyno to get a referral for a mammo. 2 weeks.
I got a bad report...and a referral for a surgeon... 2 weeks.
scheduled a biopsy... 2 more weeks.
I hope to have results by the end of next week but who knows... I'll probably 2 more weeks.
Ellen
My Mum and Mr Wonderful actually clubbed together to tell me I was depressed. I was actually So down I couldn't even see it for myself, I was a mess.
If you know you are getting down, do something now, it's easier to prevent than to cure. I've been on Zoloft for months and as you can see by some of my dreadfully tasteless posts, they don't dumb you down at all......And, I can still drink a gallon or two of lager!
Hugs P...
Sometimes we can't just pull ourselves out of it.
Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxx0 -
Ever feel like a yo-yo?
Up and down, with waiting in between. Excruciating!
I agree with everything said here. Break it down into little steps and try not to look at the entire, long process of getting well again. One day, one appt. at a time.
Every time I completed ANYTHING in the process....test, Dr. appt., chemo session....anything, I rewarded myself for a job well done! I would go immediately after whatever it was and give myself a treat. An ice cream cone, cup of coffee, even a little retail therapy. I looked forward to my rewards (I would have been an easy dog to train! LOL!)
At any rate, I just COULDN'T look at the long road ahead. I had to do it step by step. I made my goal just to get through the next "thing" that I had to do, and I tried not to look any further down the road than that.
I'm pretty sure that everyone suffers some degree of depression when going through this. Who wouldn't?? It wouldn't hurt to discuss your feelings with one of your docs and see if they think an anti-depressant is in order.
Hope you feel better soon, kiddo! BTW, I love your pic...you are just the cutest little thing!
CR0 -
Hang in There
Pammy,
One step at a time. You have been so supportive of people here and you can do it too! I bet 5 weeks ago you did not think 5 weeks would have gone by this fast. I am 5 months in and can't believe it.
I know it has been said but don't think if the long road, just each step. You have already gotten through so much. Everything seemed to be 2 weeks for me too. chemo was every 2 weeks and it got so I couldn't believe I was already going again.
I also treat myself, get lattes from Starbuks or ice cream because I deserve it!
Recovering from surgery can feel tough. For me not being able to take care of the kids and everything else brought me down but I tried to feel thankful that I had help because I know not everyone does. For me not showering and getting dressed everyday(becuase it was so much effort) makes me feel like crap. Maybe it is stuff like that or maybe more. I kept being told to get out and take a short walk, get some fresh air. Maybe try that. Although if you are having weather like we are here, rain everyday, you might not be able to.
Anyway hope you are feeling better soon.
Kim0 -
awwwww.....
You gals are the greatest!! Everyone has such a way of lifting my spirits in such a short time. Thank you all so much! Just knowing that these feelings don't belong exclusively to me makes me feel better (you know how I like to share!). And I got called "cute".....what a mood lifter!!
I love all of your suggestions about rewarding myself. I never thought of this. What a great idea! I guess I always thought rewards had to be big things to be considered a reward.
I was thinking that I may try my hand at painting. I really don't have a hobby other than decorating (which is not affordable for the time being). My children think I am incredably artistic and should give it a try. They are even willing to auction it off on e-bay thinking I may have enough talent to do something from home (I secretly think they are going to bid on it themselves!). All I need to do is find out what you need to paint. Anyone in here an artist? Lots of hugs!!! Pammy 0 -
Pammy,rjjj said:it is tiring
but Pammy try to take it one day at a time. The emotional stuff can really wear you down, so try to rest and do things you enjoy to get your mind away from it sometimes.
A funny movie, a good book, whatever you in enjoy. Jackie
I do not know if I
Pammy,
I do not know if I can add to what has already been said, so helpful I might add. If you can, think of all the most wonderful, caring, and loving new friends you have met here. I too had great difficulty with my emotions during the 2 week wait time but most of all when recoving from my two surgerys and now on the weekends when I have too much time to think. I hope this really helps you...
I have from the start been posting the most positive and hopefuly good ideas to find ways of coping BUT please know that I have many times thought to myself "am I really accepting what I have and not just lying to myself".
My weekends are murder but if I pick my butt up off the couch and accept invites to get out I can get some relief from my own thoughts. If you can do this, get some relief and feel better then you are ok (my opinion). If nothing makes you feel better then please call you dr. and ask for help!
I am sorry I have been missing for a number of days but it was the only way I could deal with my own fears.
I have my first chemo treatment tomorrow at 10:30am. I am going to work before so I will not be walking the floors until I go completely crazy, I know it will help alot.
I have my daughter's wedding on July 12 that is saposed to be a joyous event but at times so hard to be happy about and feel so guilty when I feel so overwhelmed I can't handle all the things that still need to be done!
Please know that I am thinking of you and hoping you can find things to do that bring you moments of relief from the thoughts we can not get away from.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
K0 -
PaintingAkiss4me said:awwwww.....
You gals are the greatest!! Everyone has such a way of lifting my spirits in such a short time. Thank you all so much! Just knowing that these feelings don't belong exclusively to me makes me feel better (you know how I like to share!). And I got called "cute".....what a mood lifter!!
I love all of your suggestions about rewarding myself. I never thought of this. What a great idea! I guess I always thought rewards had to be big things to be considered a reward.
I was thinking that I may try my hand at painting. I really don't have a hobby other than decorating (which is not affordable for the time being). My children think I am incredably artistic and should give it a try. They are even willing to auction it off on e-bay thinking I may have enough talent to do something from home (I secretly think they are going to bid on it themselves!). All I need to do is find out what you need to paint. Anyone in here an artist? Lots of hugs!!! Pammy
Well, Pammy, it depends on what kind of painting you want to do.
My suggestion would be to take yourself to the nearest big bookstore (or art supplies store, if you live in an area that has a good one).
In the bookstore, go to the "Arts & Crafts" section and look through the books about getting creative -- there are loads of them out there, and you'll enjoy just looking at them (trust me on this).
The books will also give you lots of information about what you need to get started in whatever medium you decide to try out.
And when you want to get going, there are two excellent, well-priced places on line to go for supplies: www.dickblick.com and www.cheapjoes.com
Have fun! That's the most important part. I am excited for you to get going...I think it will help you a lot (it helps me -- I work in collage--and having to keep up with supplying work to a small, local gallery that sells my stuff keeps me going).
Good luck!! And you still need to REST (I'm at almost 2 months since my surgery, and although I've got tons more energy and significantly less pain, there is still pain and still more exhaustion at times than I care to admit).
Gentle hugs,
Debi0 -
Keep busy busy busyAlexis F said:We all go thru this, but,
We all go thru this, but, each individual chooses how to get rid of it. I chose to keep busy and to do things that I wanted to do. If I had sat around the house, it would have driven me nuts, and, I would have been depressed too all of the time. So, get out and do something. Go back to work part time maybe, go to the gym, go to lunch with friends, work outside in the yard, do some charity work, just do something so that you aren't sitting around focusing on this all of the time. Talk to your husband, and, maybe that will help too. But, just be active and focus on your future! A good and healthy one!
Oh, and, just looking at RE's lil baby granddaughter that is going thru so much, might make our problems seem somehow, less.
I agree with Alexis 100% keep busy,keep your mind occupied. It is so easy to get depressed when you feel bad. I agree with the others on anti depressents too. Don't be afraid to ask your onc for some before you get too down. I have been on Zoloft for a number of years. Couldn't have made it through dx and treatment without it and a little xanax on the side.
Live in the moment.
Jadie<30 -
Thanks Debi....bfbear said:Painting
Well, Pammy, it depends on what kind of painting you want to do.
My suggestion would be to take yourself to the nearest big bookstore (or art supplies store, if you live in an area that has a good one).
In the bookstore, go to the "Arts & Crafts" section and look through the books about getting creative -- there are loads of them out there, and you'll enjoy just looking at them (trust me on this).
The books will also give you lots of information about what you need to get started in whatever medium you decide to try out.
And when you want to get going, there are two excellent, well-priced places on line to go for supplies: www.dickblick.com and www.cheapjoes.com
Have fun! That's the most important part. I am excited for you to get going...I think it will help you a lot (it helps me -- I work in collage--and having to keep up with supplying work to a small, local gallery that sells my stuff keeps me going).
Good luck!! And you still need to REST (I'm at almost 2 months since my surgery, and although I've got tons more energy and significantly less pain, there is still pain and still more exhaustion at times than I care to admit).
Gentle hugs,
Debi
Thank you soooo much for the tip on supplies. I have the sites written down. I always felt so relaxed when I use to watch "The Happy Painter". I don't know if you are familiar with him, but I loved his nature paintings. What is collage? It sounds interesting. Pammy 0 -
Pammy.......
I DO remember the Happy Painter! LOL!
I used to paint years ago. I used mostly acrylics because of the easy clean up, and they were quick drying. I sometimes used oils though, and oil pastels....kind of like a chalk stick, but made of oils.
You can buy painting canvas already on a heavy cardboard...they come in all different sizes.
You can also get painting "kits" that come with everything you need as far as paints & brushes. Then you only need to get canvas or whatever you want to paint on.
Whatever you do, HAVE FUN WITH IT!! I used to sit down to paint and hours would pass and I didn't even realize!
I'll be watching for your work on ebay!
CR0 -
Pammy, I don't know if I
Pammy, I don't know if I can add anything as it looks like everyone has given you some exellent advise. I do however like the idea of treating yourself to a spa day. I think it is great that your thinking of doing some painting. I like the paint by numbers myself as I am not that artistic when it comes to painting. I do like doing floral arrangements, quiliting, and cooking. I also am an advide computer nut.
anyway, I will keep you in my prayers.
Julie0 -
Uh Oh.. here we go again..Akiss4me said:Thanks Debi....
Thank you soooo much for the tip on supplies. I have the sites written down. I always felt so relaxed when I use to watch "The Happy Painter". I don't know if you are familiar with him, but I loved his nature paintings. What is collage? It sounds interesting. Pammy
Uh Oh.. here we go again.. trading places.. what are the two of us going to do??? We are quite the pair.. Okay.. so I am a little late in getting here... but I'M HERE!!! JUST AS PROMISED... REMEMBER... EVERY STEP.. (even is some of them are take time to get to).. we're doing this TOGETHER...
I'm here.. I see that everyone has gotten to you before I could.. so I know that your spirits are already uplifted.. but I am still going to get my two cents in here... can't keep me out.. no way... no sir....no how...
Well just go through it neck in neck.... so who gets to get to the finish line first??? I'll go first.. just so you can do it better... (you know leg massages... cute doctors... you do it so much better)..lol
I am sending you happy dances... look no drain tube getting in the way this time.. and when the sisters jiggle.. it doesn't hurt anymore... still have to watch my under arm though... no tickeling!!
So after your done painting.. you have to take a picture of it and post it on the expression page... I want to see.. :-)
Smile my friend.. we are all here for you and we love you!!
Hugs,
~T0 -
Wowjgridley said:Pammy, I don't know if I
Pammy, I don't know if I can add anything as it looks like everyone has given you some exellent advise. I do however like the idea of treating yourself to a spa day. I think it is great that your thinking of doing some painting. I like the paint by numbers myself as I am not that artistic when it comes to painting. I do like doing floral arrangements, quiliting, and cooking. I also am an advide computer nut.
anyway, I will keep you in my prayers.
Julie
Sounds like it's been one of those day's (or weeks lol) for alot of us. I'm also waiting and waiting while trying not to let the anxiety get the best of me.
Going to work today helped alot in keeping my mind busy... but for no real reason at all yesterday, I layed in bed and ditched work. It was the first time in awhile that there was no calls to make, no places to go etc.... So I should of been at work... but instead, I just couldn't get up and make my self go.
Everyone one at work has been great. But I just wasn't in the mood for all their questions and warm wishes.
I told my self last night that no matter what, that I was not ditching work again, for no good reason. So today off to work I went and I had a good day too!!!!
So keep your head up Pammy and follow some of the suggestions you've already been given. Treat your self out, go shopping if you can or have a facial, something tp keep you mind busy.
And like some one else said "We'll all get through this together
Auroa0 -
I know Pammy its hard.aurora2009 said:Wow
Sounds like it's been one of those day's (or weeks lol) for alot of us. I'm also waiting and waiting while trying not to let the anxiety get the best of me.
Going to work today helped alot in keeping my mind busy... but for no real reason at all yesterday, I layed in bed and ditched work. It was the first time in awhile that there was no calls to make, no places to go etc.... So I should of been at work... but instead, I just couldn't get up and make my self go.
Everyone one at work has been great. But I just wasn't in the mood for all their questions and warm wishes.
I told my self last night that no matter what, that I was not ditching work again, for no good reason. So today off to work I went and I had a good day too!!!!
So keep your head up Pammy and follow some of the suggestions you've already been given. Treat your self out, go shopping if you can or have a facial, something tp keep you mind busy.
And like some one else said "We'll all get through this together
Auroa
I know Pammy its hard. Painting, sound like you could have some fun with that.
Hugs & Friendship0
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