Blunt honesty Please
Here's my question..Please don't feel you have to be "nice" or "polite" I want your truthful answer.
Yesterday while sharing my "good" news with a family member, I told her that I was looking forward to getting on here and telling my new "family" my good news. Here's what she said to me...."you know if you need to talk to someone, you can talk to me or the rest of the family, you should really stop using the network (refering to CSN) and leave it for people who really need it, you know, people who really have cancer."
I caught tears filling up in my eyes, but held it back, quickly changed the conversation.... Then last night laying in bed, I signed on... I looked at some private e-mails, didn't respond... didn't respond to other posts... and started thinking about what was said... and couldn't bring myself to participate... (and that hurt like hell)...
Now.. please don't worry about my feelings... NO HOW NO WAY.. but if this is true... please tell me... I honestly will forever hold you all close to my heart and move aside... You all will be forever embedded in my memory for seeing me through one of the worst and scary times of my life..I truly... Love you all!
~T
Comments
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Daft Sod!
She sure sounds like not a very sypathetic person.. You want blunt honesty?.. Here it is, you should NOT feel you have to be polite. Tell her to Bugger Off, You have as much right as any of us to be here and you are a much valued member of our community. Don't you dare step back! We all need each other in here.
What did she mean about people who Really have cancer? It that like only being a little bit pregnant?
Huge Hugs to you, I'll be back later and looking especially for you. Loads of Love Juliaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx0 -
OH ~T
I haven't been on here long enough to be a voice, but my heart certainly goes out to you! IMHO you most certainly belong HER! YOU do have Cancer and are facing Radiation. This is a forum for Breast Cancer and I guess since I don't have a dianosis, I shouldn't be here either, by that reasoning... I came here because I need information about this disease and the support of those who have been through it. Your posts are always positive and your GOOD news isw definately an inspiration and HOPE for someone else. I am glad for your "good" news and I pray mine comes out good also. I haven't been here long but please come back and be a part of this wonderful caring community. We all love you and pray your Radiation goes well. Take Care! Mike0 -
T........
Yes, what everyone else has said here.
Plus....you will be fighting against your cancer, as we all have/are. Doesn't matter if your cancer is staged at 1...(I hope!) or at 4. It is still cancer and you will have your strength tested sweetie. You belong here, you having every right to be here and I truly, truly hope that you stay here! You are part of the warriors and will remain so!
Love ya!
CR0 -
Of course you belong here!Kathy09 said:positive
Its always good to hear peoples stories good or bad it can help many people in a variety of there own cancer situations.... I vote you stay on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!K
Of course you belong here! Unfortunate for you, but fortunate for us.
People just don't know what to say sometimes. Maybe it made her feel better about you and you getting better to think it is not a big deal. If she minimizes your situation she won't have to think about what could of happened to you.
Kim0 -
Here's my honest answer...Kathy09 said:positive
Its always good to hear peoples stories good or bad it can help many people in a variety of there own cancer situations.... I vote you stay on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!K
Your "family member" is an idiot!!!
I would wonder how SHE would feel if she had to go through all that you've been through. I am really angry right now, at her for you! How dare she?!?!?!?! Usually I am a pretty compassionate person, but REALLY!!! How dare she be so mean-spirited and try to take you away from all of us! How dare she try to take you away from something that has brought you, and continues to bring you, fellowship, love, and comraderie???
I know how you can feel insecure about what is "real cancer," because I feel that a bit everyday too. Since I "only" had to have a bilateral mastectomy, and don't need chemo or radiation, do I really belong here? Do I belong because I didn't have to go through the radiation tatooing and burns and fatigue? Do I belong because I didn't have to watch my hair fall out and experience all the side effects of chemo? I don't know.
But from what I can tell, there are many, many women (and men) here, with all different stories, all different treatments, all different stages, and all different surgeries. I guess when it comes down to it, I'm basing my being here on the bottom line: a doctor said to me, "It's cancer...."
Taleena....you are one of my favorite people here. Don't let this family member put you down. Stand up to her or ignore her (she may never understand...unless she receives THE dx herself...). But don't leave. We all need each other, and I don't want to lose your voice here.
Love and hugs,
Debi0 -
Taleena, all I can say isCR1954 said:T........
Yes, what everyone else has said here.
Plus....you will be fighting against your cancer, as we all have/are. Doesn't matter if your cancer is staged at 1...(I hope!) or at 4. It is still cancer and you will have your strength tested sweetie. You belong here, you having every right to be here and I truly, truly hope that you stay here! You are part of the warriors and will remain so!
Love ya!
CR
Taleena, all I can say is that this family member of yours has obviously not been there, done that! The mear diagnosis of cancer opens up a new world to all of us who have heard these words used in the same sentence as our name.....we will forever be different, and will have a new "normal" state of being. Cancer is cancer, no matter what the stage, or how much treatment we will undergo during the process of making the attempt to eliviate the disease from our bodies. You stay right where you are, and when your questions arise, someone on this Board will have already experienced the situation, and will be willing and able to offer first hand information for you. I would guarantee your family member who wants you to depend on her would have a hard time doing that. Stay where you feel comfort, peace, and offer your experience to others. Maybe the next person signing in on this Board will need YOU specifically to share your story....one never knows. Hang in tere....we are all a family. Hugs.
Judy0 -
HOLD ME BACK!!!!!!!creampuff91344 said:Taleena, all I can say is
Taleena, all I can say is that this family member of yours has obviously not been there, done that! The mear diagnosis of cancer opens up a new world to all of us who have heard these words used in the same sentence as our name.....we will forever be different, and will have a new "normal" state of being. Cancer is cancer, no matter what the stage, or how much treatment we will undergo during the process of making the attempt to eliviate the disease from our bodies. You stay right where you are, and when your questions arise, someone on this Board will have already experienced the situation, and will be willing and able to offer first hand information for you. I would guarantee your family member who wants you to depend on her would have a hard time doing that. Stay where you feel comfort, peace, and offer your experience to others. Maybe the next person signing in on this Board will need YOU specifically to share your story....one never knows. Hang in tere....we are all a family. Hugs.
Judy
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok...here's the question....EXACTLY what would "qualify" you as a cancer patient, survivor, and warrior? OMG! Blunt honesty...here it comes....if the woman in England, or wherever could get off on murder charges because of PMS...I think you could CERTAINLY get off on SMACKIG her upside the head!!!! WHAT IS IT WITH FAMILY MEMBERS etc., that are instant professionals that can give this type of "advice"?????
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My therapist gave me some INCREDIBLE advice awhile ago....a one line comeback when people said something hurtful, cutting, or downright stupid that caught me off guard...ya ready? you just say...."hmm, that's interesting." smile, smile, smile, look them in the eye....walk away, and if not walking away, keep the smile plastered on your face...and if they continue spewing their incredibly wise opinion, smile, smile, smile and say again "that's interesting". Do not waiver...do not say anything else, even if they say something like, "don't you think so?" "hmm, that's interesting" It WILL stop them in their tracks.
Idiots....sorry...but you asked for blunt....warm and sincere {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} to you....you are loved here..you are welcome here...you BELONG here.
jeanne0 -
Hello!!!
You do have cancer!! Just because fortunately it's stage 1 doesn't mean anything!!
And it's great to get support from someone who is going through it or been there!
Don't even listen to your sister,she's ignorant about it and doesn't know. You have just as much a right to be on here as the rest of us do!0 -
Taleena, Some people arecreampuff91344 said:Taleena, all I can say is
Taleena, all I can say is that this family member of yours has obviously not been there, done that! The mear diagnosis of cancer opens up a new world to all of us who have heard these words used in the same sentence as our name.....we will forever be different, and will have a new "normal" state of being. Cancer is cancer, no matter what the stage, or how much treatment we will undergo during the process of making the attempt to eliviate the disease from our bodies. You stay right where you are, and when your questions arise, someone on this Board will have already experienced the situation, and will be willing and able to offer first hand information for you. I would guarantee your family member who wants you to depend on her would have a hard time doing that. Stay where you feel comfort, peace, and offer your experience to others. Maybe the next person signing in on this Board will need YOU specifically to share your story....one never knows. Hang in tere....we are all a family. Hugs.
Judy
Taleena, Some people are just stupid. Cancer whatever the stage is still Cancer. Don't listen to that garbage. I am sorry you have Cancer and I wish I could tell you that you don't need to be here with the rest of us(however we would miss you). Some people, even family sometimes just don't understand. That's why your here with us your sisters. Hugs & friendship0 -
Anyone who has to faceThe1percen said:OH ~T
I haven't been on here long enough to be a voice, but my heart certainly goes out to you! IMHO you most certainly belong HER! YOU do have Cancer and are facing Radiation. This is a forum for Breast Cancer and I guess since I don't have a dianosis, I shouldn't be here either, by that reasoning... I came here because I need information about this disease and the support of those who have been through it. Your posts are always positive and your GOOD news isw definately an inspiration and HOPE for someone else. I am glad for your "good" news and I pray mine comes out good also. I haven't been here long but please come back and be a part of this wonderful caring community. We all love you and pray your Radiation goes well. Take Care! Mike
cancer in some way or another can benefit from being on here! Hi Mike,welcome!0 -
Forgot to tell you. I am sooutdoorgirl said:Hello!!!
You do have cancer!! Just because fortunately it's stage 1 doesn't mean anything!!
And it's great to get support from someone who is going through it or been there!
Don't even listen to your sister,she's ignorant about it and doesn't know. You have just as much a right to be on here as the rest of us do!
Forgot to tell you. I am so happy for you that you do not have to go through Chemo. That's good news.0 -
I agree
I agree with what all the others here have said. You have been diagnosed by a Dr. and are being treated, what else qualifies you? Maybe your family member is in denial, or just has no clue. I think the advice to say, "that's interesting" smile and walk away is good. If that won't work, maybe say, "I know you mean well, but what you are saying is not helping right now. If you can't help, please leave". Then maybe tell the person some things to do that would be helpful. Or, you could say, "I won't tell you who you can correspond with if you don't tell me who I can correspond with." If you find this site to be helpful, definetely keep on using it.
That's my opinion, for what it's worth. seof.0 -
Debi,bfbear said:Here's my honest answer...
Your "family member" is an idiot!!!
I would wonder how SHE would feel if she had to go through all that you've been through. I am really angry right now, at her for you! How dare she?!?!?!?! Usually I am a pretty compassionate person, but REALLY!!! How dare she be so mean-spirited and try to take you away from all of us! How dare she try to take you away from something that has brought you, and continues to bring you, fellowship, love, and comraderie???
I know how you can feel insecure about what is "real cancer," because I feel that a bit everyday too. Since I "only" had to have a bilateral mastectomy, and don't need chemo or radiation, do I really belong here? Do I belong because I didn't have to go through the radiation tatooing and burns and fatigue? Do I belong because I didn't have to watch my hair fall out and experience all the side effects of chemo? I don't know.
But from what I can tell, there are many, many women (and men) here, with all different stories, all different treatments, all different stages, and all different surgeries. I guess when it comes down to it, I'm basing my being here on the bottom line: a doctor said to me, "It's cancer...."
Taleena....you are one of my favorite people here. Don't let this family member put you down. Stand up to her or ignore her (she may never understand...unless she receives THE dx herself...). But don't leave. We all need each other, and I don't want to lose your voice here.
Love and hugs,
Debi
only a bilateral mastectomy? I had a partial mastectomy with chemo,rads,and now taking tamoxifen,and I feel like you're braver than I!I would have let them do a full mastectomy if they had to,but boy,that was a scary time of having to make a decision-one of the hardest in my life that I've ever had to make,and then my surgeon and I made a negotiation!
How are you feeling these days?0 -
We are here whenever you need support
I am so glad for your good news. I thought this site was to help each of us through. We are here for you through radiation and all the stuff that comes your way, including stupid comments. Afterall, you help us, too. Your beautiful poem meant so much to me. Love, Lynn0 -
Honestly!
Honestly, I can't believe what she said to you, Taleena. I think it is a form of denial on her part.
As far as you're being here, I agree with everyone else who has replied. We would miss you and worry if you just disappeared on us!
So glad to hear about the negative nodes. That is something wonderful to celebrate. Please do, ok?0 -
Harry Potter, anyone???
I have used this analogy before, and I will use it again now! I liken CSN to Hogwarts from the Harry Potter series. We here are by no choice of our own, we are "special"~ we are the Witches and Wizards, trying to find our way in a world outnumbered by those who do not have our experience. Those on the outside, namely our family and friends, are the Muggles. They are not opposed to us, per se, but they also don't "get it". We can't explain what it's like to be us, nor do they understand the bond we have with our fellow Witches/Wizards. Some of us here at Hogwarts have more power than others, and the personality types in here range from shy to feisty to funny to bold and everything in-between! There are long-timers,and teachers, as well as underclassmen coming in all the time. We may not all be alike, and we bond with some easier than others, but we ALL have Hogwarts in common!
So, to the Muggles we are related to~ just smile at them ( with pity?) and know they are only doing what they think is best for us. And remember, they just don't know what it's like to be us!
Hugs,
Claudia0 -
You had too many responses
You had too many responses for me to read and I couldn't wait to post. BAHHHHHH. Ignore people who say things like that. It's just ignorance. How does that saying go? "you can cure ignorance but not stupidity." Some people mean well and maybe someday they will regret what they told you. You have knowledge to contribute and support. What I do in cases like that is smile and say nothing and do what I like anyway. We all have people in our lives who don't agree with us. Maybe she was just trying to give you support. She clearly doesn't understand.0
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