CSN Login
Members Online: 21

I can't do this again....

joannem65's picture
joannem65
Posts: 17
Joined: Aug 2008

This is the one yr anniversary since my diagnosis -- 6/3/08 Breast Cancer / stage II ER/PR Neg Her2 +++ . . . . unsettling just in nature... but yesterday the other shoe dropped...Could I also have Endometrial Cancer ?? Gee not even sure if it's spelled right.

I'm doing okay just a little anxious -- I've been back to my GYN for the 2nd time in 2 months...
I went into chemo-pause during my treatment for Breast Cancer - Chemo 9/08 thru 11/08 after my D&C done 10/08. Had a period 2/09 did not get one 3/09. It started again 4/16 and like the energizer batteries... it keeps going & going and going.... So, long story short - going in on Tues 6/9 for a uterine biopsy and all I can think of is "I CANT DO THIS AGAIN...." my worst fear is they'll tell me it's cancer again... I'm just a wreck.... (like you need to hear this....) My mom had uterine cancer in 1992 - total hysterectomy, rad tx and chemo and is a survivor. But, I've already fought this once.... I can't imagine having to do that again...
Where am I to turn for strength? I feel so tapped out! I know I shouldn't panic yet, but how can I settle my brain and stop the panic!!??? I know the bottle of ativan isn't the answer, but the worrying going on inside me is making me sick...

rmcosu
Posts: 8
Joined: Jun 2009

So sorry to hear about your situation. Stay strong.

joannem65's picture
joannem65
Posts: 17
Joined: Aug 2008

thx for the support. I'll work hard on keeping my "faith, family and friends" that's what helped get me thru this past year -- I know it wont fail me now. Hugs - joanne

lindaprocopio's picture
lindaprocopio
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

First: BIG HUG, and take a deep breath. You must remember how strong you were before; that strength is still deep inside you, a little tired, a little beat up, but it's there. And maybe you won't even need it!

I have a typically very recurrant type of uterine cancer, and will wrap up my initial 9-month protocol of surgery/chemo/radiation on July 1st. My last CT-scan showed a tiny 2.7mm shadow on my lung that they have decided to ignore until my next CT-scan in mid-July and hope it's nothing. So I am already wrestling with the same fear and exhaustion as you are, at the possibility that the END of treatment that I have been looking forward to for so long, may instead roll me back right into surgery and more chemo. I, too, thought: I just can't go through this all again. But in my heart I know I will; I know I can. Don't want to; REALLY don't want to; but I will keep doing what I must do. And so will you. It's too early to throw in the towel, Joanne. Play out the hand; it may not even BE cancer this time.

If you want to be humbled, pop into the Ovarian Cancer Discussion Board of this website, and read some of their posts. These ladies face reoccurance after reoccurance, rolling in and out of chemo and other treatments over and over, year after year, treating their cancer like a chronic condition that they will always have. I learned so much from these brave and realistic women about dealing with the possibility of recurrance. I see these amazing women living with joy and robust vitality, even as their treatments sometimes stretch on for YEARS with no remissions and no breaks, and even as they get their months of remission only to face a bad CT-scan that sends them right back into chemo. And they do it. And I look into my weary heart and know that I can do it, too. So can you, honey. BIG BIG HUGS! Please let us know how the biopsy turns out and know that we are here for you to help you understand your new challenge if you don't get the good news that we will all pray for until Tuesday.

joannem65's picture
joannem65
Posts: 17
Joined: Aug 2008

Thanks for the support -- I know I'm strong but its hard to keep this well of emotions in check. I've been a fighter and will continue to do so. Hopefully, this is just a side effect of premature menopause due to the chemo and just a major scare for me. I appreciate your hugs & support and most of all your prayers. I'll keep this updated hopefully with good news -- Hugs - Joanne

deanna14
Posts: 733
Joined: Oct 2008

My heart goes out to you... you are strong and you are a survivor and you will do what you have to do. Try not to borrow trouble until you know something for sure. I will be praying that this is nothing serious. Try to give your worry to the Lord, he will carry it for you... all for the asking. Hang in there. More cyber hugs to you.
Deanna

Ro10's picture
Ro10
Posts: 1356
Joined: Jan 2009

You have been through so much, and so strong before I hope that strength can resurface for you. I pray that your biospy comes back negative for you. I would fear too about them finding cancer again. But try to give your worries to God and let him handle all of them until you know what your diagnosis is. I know this is easier said than done. I try to give up my worries and then I find myself taking them back again. I pray for you to have the strength to handle what ever is coming your way. HUGS to you.

mas910's picture
mas910
Posts: 5
Joined: Mar 2009

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis Joanne. I too had breast cancer, mastectomy, chemo and radiation in 1997. In Jan 2009 was diagnosed with uterine papillary serous cancer. I was just like you and thought I can't do this again. Even though it had been 12 years I still remembered all the details!! But now I have had my hysterectomy in January, had DaVinci surgery for lymph node, paraortic node and peritoneal biopsies in April. Have completed 2 chemo treatments and will have my third next week. It's amazing what you can do if you have to...don't get me wrong, I had my share of tears...but once the treatment starts it is not as bad as the anticipation. You just have to taake one day at a time and not let your mind worry until you know what to worry about. This site is amazing with the support you get. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care. Margaret

a il.Have completed 2chemo have my thirgto...don't get me wrong, I had my share of tears....but once the treatment starts it is not as bad as the anticipation. You just have to take one day at a time and not let your mind worry until you know what to worry about. I will keep you in my prayers. This site is amazing with the support you get. Take care.

livenow09's picture
livenow09
Posts: 63
Joined: Apr 2009

my heart stops just thinking about all your fear and panic...I'm gearing up for my second three month checkup....so it doesn't take much for me to cry; old yogi said: if there is a solution for the suffering there is nothing to worry about; if there is no solution for the suffering, there is no use in worrying; you will make the best decision you can make at the time you make the decision; I know of two older women who faced your nightmare...they're still alive, one eight years after, one twenty years; there are many survivors of multiple cancers; let the stats work for you...if only 47% survive, see yourself as the 47%; you will do what you have to do

Marie

joannem65's picture
joannem65
Posts: 17
Joined: Aug 2008

I want to thank all of you for your support. Im so greatful for your confidence and strength. I knew to turn to you all for the little nudge in the right direction. I'll put my faith in the Lord, for I know that when we feel weak - it is HE that carries us through. I just needed the reminder. Thanks and I'll update you all as the week progresses.

daisy366's picture
daisy366
Posts: 1493
Joined: Mar 2009

It's OK to vent and to not want to do something again - that you endured before. Glad you are talking about it. In the end, we do have a choice, and we will do what we have to do at the time.

Hang in there. Take heart and stay strong!!

Hugs and prayers, Mary Ann

joannem65's picture
joannem65
Posts: 17
Joined: Aug 2008

Daisy366

TY for you support. I'm just glad that I had to work 12hr shifts this weekend, so that kept me busy and I'll recover tomorrow and bx on tuesday. Then I'll have that step behind me...I've been told by very wise women here -- not to borrow trouble, so I'll not worry about what I don't know.. :)

Thanks & I'll update you all as soon as I know something.

Hugs back to you!
Joanne

Ro10's picture
Ro10
Posts: 1356
Joined: Jan 2009

Praying all goes well with your biopsy. Hope you don't have to wait too long for the results. My prayers are with you.

kkstef's picture
kkstef
Posts: 706
Joined: May 2008

Joanne....please know that you are in my thoughts and praying for a good outcome. I know how stressful the anticipation is!
Karen

deanna14
Posts: 733
Joined: Oct 2008

Joanne, just wanted to wish you luck for tomorrow. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

joannem65's picture
joannem65
Posts: 17
Joined: Aug 2008

I just wanted to wanted to say thanks for your support.
Here it is Tuesday @0450hrs. and I've been awake for hours. Guess it's that little problem I have called ANXIETY!! I have a busy day scheduled, 0800 pre-med pain pill, 0900 Bx at the GNY's office, and 1130 Herceptin tx for the breast ca... I should be home early afternoon, so I'll update you on how it goes. I can't believe I'm this anxious over this procedure after 14 surgeries for this stinking breast ca. But, I am. I guess cause I've never liked going to GYN's let alone when you have an idea of what's in store for you when you get there....
Hugs to you all for thinking of me!
You're awesome.
Thanks - Joanne

deanna14
Posts: 733
Joined: Oct 2008

Just thinking about you, hoping and praying that everything is going okay!

joannem65's picture
joannem65
Posts: 17
Joined: Aug 2008

Well I took my meds before I went (Ativan for my anxiety and Vicoden pre-med for the pain) and I lived thru it. I'll admit, I've got a pretty good pain tollerance and in my opinion it hurt. But, on the flip side, Dr.M told me what she was doing and when I would feel the Pinch...and I did and she made 3 passes to pull a good sampling from 3 different areas. She said she didn't want to have the pathologist give the cop-out "not enought cells for adequate sampling." Now, it's the waiting game. I just got home and am going to take a nap since I've been up pretty much since 3am. Between a half nights' sleep and meds- I'm ready for a little cat-nap. I've had mild cramping today and am tender I guess where she held the cervix in place while passing the straw/pipette in to gather the tissue. This too shall pass....
Thanks again for your support and prayers.
joanne

daisy366's picture
daisy366
Posts: 1493
Joined: Mar 2009

Hi Joanne,

Glad you have the procedure behind you. (I'm being a mother now) Now let your mind and body rest and heal. Stay in the now and don't project into the future or past. Take cleansing deep breaths and may they bring you peacefulness.

Sending you healing energy.

Mary Ann

Ro10's picture
Ro10
Posts: 1356
Joined: Jan 2009

They told me to take ibuprofen an hour before my biopsy was to be done. Don't think it helped any at all. The doctor said I would feel cramping when she took the biopsy. I did not call it cramping. I was so glad after she got all of her samples. Glad you have that part behind you. The waiting for the results is even harder I think. Wishing you peace and comfort as you wait. Hope you can get some sleep at night while you wait.

cookie1948
Posts: 79
Joined: Feb 2009

Hello Joanne,
I am sure "rooting" for a positive outcome for you. My mom said that uterine biopsy really hurt, I had a couple of biopsies 10 yrs ago and it hurt!!
Hang in there, and God Bless you. Good thoughts and prayers are in the workings right now!!!
Cookie

lindaprocopio's picture
lindaprocopio
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

I'm glad the endometrial biopsy is behind you. I was SHOCKED when I had my 1st endometrial biopsy at my gynecologist's at how much it HURT! (& I got one of those 'non-diagnostic' pathology results anyway. boo.) Then when I went to see a gyn-onc, and he decided to do ANOTHER one (;no warning) only now I knew what was coming and that made it even WORSE because I was so tensed for the pain I knew was coming. Having a D&C, which I know is considered more invasive, was sooo much easier, for me, because they at least knock you out for that!

So, big big hugs that this is over! You seem to have done really good! And how smart of you to get 'medicated' for it, something I didn't know to do.

Reddie's picture
Reddie
Posts: 72
Joined: May 2009

I do agree that it is very painful if you didn't get the medication for it. The GYN did warn me it would be painful. She gave me two choices that either I go ahead with the biospy on the same day at her clinic or second choice is to wait a little longer and go to the hospital to have medicated and do the biospies. I couldn't wait any longer and told her to "go ahead" to get over with. WOW! it was unexpected so I took advil right after it and then the pain went away.... whew but the memory is still unforgettable. I agree that we all should be aware of it before having endometrial biospies.

deanna14
Posts: 733
Joined: Oct 2008

I am glad that you got the biopsy part behind you. Now for what I think is the most mentally draining is the waiting to get the results. Try to rest, give your worries to God... he'll help you through this waiting and whatever is to come. Big Big hugs.

pjk
Posts: 17
Joined: Jun 2009

I just wanted to weigh in for any new sisters reading this and scared of an endometrial biopsy. It didn't hurt me a bit. I'm not negating the experience of others here who have had pain from it. I just wanted to say to anyone reading this, I didn't really feel it. I felt a bit of pressure during the procedure and had some moderate period like cramps the rest of the day. So hopefully to anyone new to this, you can take heart that you may be like me! The doctor said that having three vaginal births certainly helped deaden things!

joannem65's picture
joannem65
Posts: 17
Joined: Aug 2008

I finally heard from my GYN today -- results are negative for ca--- Thank You Lord.
I still am scheduled to have my ablation on the 29th. I'm hoping that will put an end to my energizer period -- right now we're at day...65ish...I'm trying NOT to keep count! I'm so greatful to all of you and your continued support.
I'll continue to check in and see how you're all doing.
Thanks a Million!
Joannem65

lindaprocopio's picture
lindaprocopio
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

Happy happy happy dance for you, Joanne!! What wonderful news!! Praise the Lord!

:D

barb55's picture
barb55
Posts: 91
Joined: Jan 2009

Yeah Joanne! I hope the good news keeps coming on this site. Of course we are still here for the not so good news. Linda, I love your photo. Who is the cutie with you?
Barb

lindaprocopio's picture
lindaprocopio
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

The pretty little girl with me in the new photo is my granddaughter Emily, 8 years old. (If you look on my profile in the 'Expressions' part, you can see other photos of my beautiful grandkids.) My son Eric came in to visit me last weekend with his latest girlfriend. We all went to an amusement park, taking my other son and 2 grandchildren with us. We rode bumper cars and the carousel and the big (BIG!) roller coasters and ate funnel cakes and ice cream cones and had a wonderful time. That's where this photo was taken. I was EXHAUSTED when we got home, with swollen ankles, but happy.

joannem65's picture
joannem65
Posts: 17
Joined: Aug 2008

She's as beautiful as you are. I only hope she can grow up to be as beautiful and supportive as you have been to me (and everyone else on this site). You're an inspiration to each of us here and I hope you have many, many exhausting days in the parks ahead of you both! Enjoy every moment together! She's got one great Grandma to look up to.
I think of you often & pray you're doing well.
Hugs - Joanne

kkstef's picture
kkstef
Posts: 706
Joined: May 2008

Joanne.....That is the best news!! I can imagine how excited and relieved you must be! Celebrate and enjoy life! Good for you!!!!!!
Karen

deanna14
Posts: 733
Joined: Oct 2008

Congratulations on the good news. Good luck with the ablation procedure. Hopefully you will be one who doesn't have any bleeding after that.

Ro10's picture
Ro10
Posts: 1356
Joined: Jan 2009

Good luck with you ablation. I am so happy your results came back negative for cancer. HUGS to you

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network