May 13, 2009 - 10:41 pm
I love my wife more than ever, and I am afraid that though her cancer prognosis is fairly good (keeping our fingers crossed), I may now lose my marriage. In both my wife's and my opinion, we had an excellent marriage before the cancer. Now she tells me constantly that I "can't understand" what she is going through, that I am a stress in her life that she doesn't need right not, and that once we are done with chemo, the real problems will begin.
I'm no saint, but I have stood by my wife through thick and thin, I was there everyday for her through the surgery, and she is the number 1 priority in my life. I've backed off when she needs me to back off, I've comforted her and snuggled with her when she needs that, we've sacrificed financially to support her not having to work, etc. Still, she now sees me through what she calls her "post cancer" eyes, and I guess she doesn't like what she sees.
I'm in counseling to get the help that I need without having to lean on my wife, she is in counseling to deal with the issues that come with chemo and cancer, and she attends a group of survivors.
On a positive note, she says that she will never officially "leave" me because of our family, but I'm worried that she may be checked out of the marriage in many of the ways that count.
As I started this out, I love my wife and my family dearly. I hate cancer and what it is doing to our family. I feel the need to vent, and maybe connect with someone else who has been through this. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Her last chemo treatment is scheduled for Aug 25th - can I hang on to that as the point where we start recovering? My friends and family are supportive, but they are too quick to take sides instead of just listen.
I'm an open book and could use some insight from someone who has been there.