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what do I do now

mdrmbj
Posts: 2
Joined: May 2009

My husband has stage 4 matastic colon cancer. He has been going thru treatment since Oct. 6 monthes of chemo and 5 weeks of raditation. Now they are going back to chemo because of new tumors on his liver, but he is giving up. He has been in great spirits so far, until today and he has decided he is dieing and wants to stop treatment he says his just tired. I don't know what to do to help him anymore.

CanadaSue's picture
CanadaSue
Posts: 339
Joined: Apr 2006

Hi,

Have your husband go to the colon page. There are so many stories of people who have beat the beast.

My husband has also been fighting colon cancer since Jan 06, and he goes into the hospital on Monday for his 4th major surgery. This surgery is to remove 2 tumors in the liver. There are also 2 more tumors ( one on the lung and another on the diaphragm), which they will not do anything to at the moment because they are both too small.

But please check out all the surviours on the colon discussion board.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both

(((HUGS)))

Sue

zahalene's picture
zahalene
Posts: 624
Joined: Nov 2005

Many (I could safely say most) of us who undergo long-term treatments (mine spanned a period of about 4 years) fall into the 'this-has-got-to-stop' mind set from time to time. I hit bottom at one point in my onco's office while awaiting yet another chemo treatment which I knew would put me in bed for at least 3 days and told my husband, "I just don't want to do this any more". His answer was, "What DO you want to do?" Well, I wanted to live.
When your husband falls into this mind set keep talking to him (not nagging) about good things he has to look forward to, how important he is to those who love him, what a great gift life is, and if he is a spiritual person, remind him that God has a purpose for him in this life for as long as God allows him to breathe. We know these things are true but we tend to loose sight of them in the prolonged stress of battle. Our caregivers keep us reminded.

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

Just a few comments to add to the inspiring advice of the two wonderful ladies who have already responded.

If pain is an issue for your husband, I would strongly advise getting into a pain management regimen that alleviates his pain and/or nausea. We are most susceptible to giving in and giving up when we are at our worst pain-wise. If he is taking medications and they are not working, then suggest to the Oncologist that new ones be tried.

If it is truly fatigue, the old "I'm fed up with living like this" (and as Zahalene points out, it happens to the best of us), you might suggest a break to your husband's doctors, rather than cessation. I had to have chemotherapy postponed on several occasions (due to low platelet or white blood cell counts) so I know that it is within the realm of possibility. If OncoMan is made aware that hub needs a break, he or she is almost certain to be sympathetic. There is not an oncologist in the land who has not heard this plaint before and had to deal with it.

So, consider taking a break rather than quitting. It may not be a legitimate option, but you won't know if you don't ask.

Just a couple of random thoughts.

Best wishes to your husband and his family.

Take care,

Joe

mdrmbj
Posts: 2
Joined: May 2009

Thank You all for the thought annd concerns. I am at a lost so I had to do something because there is no one close by that I could go to

slickwilly's picture
slickwilly
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

As the others said here many of us have hit that same wall. Either because of pain, not wanting to drag our families down with us or just not wanting to fight any longer. We get so tired of needles, doctors and hospitals. Sometimes our families are too close to the situation and coddle us when we actually need a kick in the butt. Mine came from a friend that reminded me that I was not just fighting cancer for myself. I was fighting cancer for my wife and children and all those people that cared about me. I didn't have the right to give up on myself and let everyone else down and I didn't want to be the example to my children of someone that gave up. That reminder stuck with me through my chemo and radiation treatments. Letters from my children about how much they cared about me and needed me around had a huge impact. 6 years out I still have them to look at. When we are in pain its real easy to get self centered as the pain is the only thing we think about. So its very important to control pain as it gives us time to think of other things including a future without cancer. I set small goals like surviving until my daughters graduated from high school. Then I shot for their start in college. I have now seen them graduate and am truly blessed with each day that I am here. I would do it all again as I want to play with my grandchildren someday. I will pray for your husband to find the strength to continue. Prayers and hugs. Slickwilly

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