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Broken Heart

MR_SAD's picture
MR_SAD
Posts: 91
Joined: Nov 2008

It's Been 4 mounths since My Cathy has left me! I am so lost, my heart is broken into so many peices, I don't know how to mend them. I can't even think of her with out the tears just bursting out all the time, Work is becoming very difficult, having to go out side a lot to regroup. I wake every morning wishing someone could just take all this pain away. These depression pills are not working, It seams I am getting worse rather than better. I did ont cry nearly as much the first three months as I do now. I just don't know which way to turn. My life seams over, My kid's are doing so much better than me. They seam to have moved on with out to much difficulty. My youngest , David does have some days where we talk about how he misses his mom. IT is very hard for me to even talk to him without just loosing it. I hope someone cant tell me if this is just the way it is, When will it ever get any better. Thanks for Listening
Floyd

green50
Posts: 318
Joined: Feb 2008

The first thing you may need another antidepressent some can make you worse. I am sorry for what you are going through. Talk to your dr about changing med. When I lost Tom I too had and sometimes still do I cry. Talking about hime helped me. I talk to our sons and friends about different things we did and funny things. Yes it can make you cry but it released emotions to make you feel better. Tom has been gone 3 and half years and I have my moments but its a lot easier and as I said before time helps. The kids and I joke about some of the crazy stuff he did. And they are always telling me "no Dad said it was like that or Dad did it this way." Of course I know how and what Dad did. Floyd I really think you need a different med. I never took antidepressents but my husband did when he got hurt and told he'd never work again. Then he had heart surgery then he got cancer. Tom was always an athelete and for all this to happen to him it was a lot. But welbutrin helped him. I believe he tried zoloft and paxil but welbutrin was what worked on him. Again I am not a Dr but you may need med change and go to counseling. When I hear my nephews Harley coming in the driveway that I sold him it still feels like Tom is coming and my heart jumps a beat but his nephew is a lot like him. I pray you get through this with as little as pain as possible. I do know how you feel. Tom and I would of celebrated our 28th anniversary the month following his passing. And it would of been 32 years this year. But I hate to say it as everyone does Life goes on. And Cathy would want you to go on. My husband told me one day at a time and make it simple woman. And I am thankful his last words were I love you. You have to ask yourself would they want you to be crying or smiling with the memories. I know right now its frustrating not having her there. You just want to scream. But we must go on for our kids no matter how old they are. I am still on chemo after seven years and when Tom died I almost gave up until I looked at my sons. Talk to you Dr. and a counselor would be my suggestion. I too right now am emotional because of chemo so hope all makes sense to you. I pray your pain goes away. God Bless
Prayers and Hugs
Sandy

MR_SAD's picture
MR_SAD
Posts: 91
Joined: Nov 2008

Thanks for your Help I am going back to my doctor on monday and will talk to her. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I guess in time, things will start to get easier. I seam to feel tiried most of the time, not getting enough sleep gets you down. Take care
Floyd

RE's picture
RE
Posts: 4630
Joined: Feb 2004

Hello Floyd,

I wish I could say something to help you feel better. I come from a family that has had to deal with depression and you sound so very sad. I do not think the meds they have given you are working. There are many different types and you may need to switch to one that will work better for you. The right medication can help you to deal better with your loss. Please go see your doctor soon as I am sure your wife would not want you to be so depressed. I will be keeping you in my prayer Floyd!

RE

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1162
Joined: May 2008

I am sorry things aren't going the way you woukd like right now, I am just beginning my journey alone and it is the hardest thing to go on with out them. But i take one day one step at a time. But I miss him so much it really does hurt .I may be depressed alittle but i think it comes with the death of a loved one but going to work eveyday helps a little, Hang in there.

michelle

MR_SAD's picture
MR_SAD
Posts: 91
Joined: Nov 2008

I am sorry that you lost your husband. I know how hard it is for you, some days I feel like my whole world has been taken from me. Now that the weather is getting so nice I think of all the great times Cathy and I had riding my harley, having fun just being together. I find it very hard to do anything anymore, I just seam to sit here at home thinking of everything that I have lost. I miss her so much. No one to talk to, share my life with, No one to cuddle, or sleep with. I have been short changed to the limit. Everyone keeps telling that things will get better in time, but from where I am it can't come soon enough. I wish I could turn the clock up so this hurt will just go away. Thanks for being my friend Michelle. Maybe we both can get through this in time.
Your Friend
Floyd

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1162
Joined: May 2008

I am so glad to hear from you and i know what you are feeling too. Angel is at the national cemetary here in phx az right off of cave creek rd now that rd goes to cave creek alot of bikers go there The hideaway is there and alot of other bars ,Angel and i would ride there all the time so when i go to the cemetary there are so many bikers with their partners I feel sick because that should be me and angel riding, The road king sits in the garage another reminder I don't ride i rode behind, Its hard when everything about life was with the one we loved Now we have to learn all over again how to live a different way. I do the same thing i go to work and come right home and stay there weekends too . Angel loved the weekends And we rode alot,All angel wanted was to ride again before he died He did ride march 23 down the street to the dealer and back that was the last time and he died april 16th. I was just sorry he suffered with the pain I think about that alot and everything else.I just take one day at a time And that is hard enough for me right now.I miss him every second.

It is a beautiful morning here in az 77 degrees now high of 94. And you are my friend to floyd

Keep posting I will respond take care

michelle

MR_SAD's picture
MR_SAD
Posts: 91
Joined: Nov 2008

Hope this finds you ok. I know what you mean about the Bike, I went for a ride last sunday, it was ok, but I found myself reaching back to touch Cathy like I always did and she was not there. It did feel good to finally get the bike back out on the road again. I guess it will just take time to get use to all this being alone. It is just so hard. I miss her so much sometimes it is terrible. I walk around with a lump in my throat all day long. I started going to a support group last month it does seam to help. May 26th would have been our 26th annaversery, That was a bad day for me. I guess in time my heart will start to mend. Take care of yourself
Your Friend
Floyd

Terry_s wife
Posts: 21
Joined: Mar 2009

It will be one year for me the end of this month since losing Terry. He was my world. I can tell you that time does help - big cliche but true. I still love and miss him but can talk about him and talk about things we did. Today is our 22nd anniversary = my first w/o him; our twentieth he was in the hospital, 21st in hospice and today gone. The most help I got was talking to a therapist. His philosophy was talk and tears heal more than drugs and he truly helped me. He also wanted journaling done which really helps. Another thing that helped was his step at a time approach. In my case, I didn't want to deal with my house and property. He said one thing at a time. I started out one thing at a time granted I have a ways to go but have started. For me, the outside of the house was first. I have had the yard cleaned and is now regularly done. Terry is turning over in his grave because I have cleaned up around the garage - throwing out stuff that has been here since he bought the house in the early 70's- Terry didn't throw anything away, his motto was "someone might need it" and granted there were times that stuff was needed; not sure why I had a counterweight to a forklift but he had a need for something off of it. My next tackle will be the house. The dr. said one day at a time, one room at a time. Take the same advice. If you have a particular area - make a list of what you want to do and post it on the door, mark off what you do. If you haven't done anything with her clothes - ask family first if there is something they would like to have. I didn't want to just give Terry's things away. I actually posted on CL and was contacted by a woman who had lost almost everything her husband and dad had in a storage fire. They were his size and it felt good giving to someone that truly needed and appreciated getting. There are organizations such as dress for success that take clothes to help people reentering the workforce. Just know that you do what you want to do. Time does help, talk and tears and not feeling like you have to do everything at once. Take a day, a task one day at a time. Remember she is gone but not the memories and love. Hope this helps some. paula

MR_SAD's picture
MR_SAD
Posts: 91
Joined: Nov 2008

Thanks for your response. It does help to know that things will get better in time. To bad I can't just speed the old clock up. Not feeling to good today. will write more later.
Take Care
Floyd

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1162
Joined: May 2008

I hope you are feeling better it was a crying day yesterday for me. I read about your wifes illness sorry, my mother at 49 Died of brain cancer i was her caregiver i was 24 at the time so i can al least relate to the care that you gave her as her loving husband, as i gave my mother as her loving daughter. Cancer sucks big time . I would like to think angel is in heaven and waitng for me to join him . Angels recliner that he was always sat in smells just like him the head area of the chair so now i sit there and it like he sitting there too. only people who have lost there spouse can understand our pain. In that picture where were you?
Well floyd take care fo your self talk to you soon

you friend michelle

MR_SAD's picture
MR_SAD
Posts: 91
Joined: Nov 2008

My Picture was taken when Cathy and me went to Myrtle Beach S.C. Bike Week in 06. We had a great time. I know you really understand how hard this is on the both of us. I still have all of Cathy's things right where she left them before she had the Brain surgery. I just can't bring myself to move any of her things. I gave most of her jewelry to her good friends. The rest of her thing's, I don't know what to do with them. I guess in time I will give them to some one that might need them. Hope you are getting along the best you can. It is a hard thing we are having to go through. Do you have any Kids? My Boy's have been a great help for me. Take Care my friend.
Floyd

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1162
Joined: May 2008

Awesome picture we have one on the harley driving into bike week in az that was in 07. I have 2 sons 32yr old in ca 31year old lives with me The one that lives with me isn't that great of a help but oh well. How was your weekend ? Mine was ok took the picture to the hide a way stapled it and then left just hung out at home, Talk to you soon your friend

michelle

Nunu123
Posts: 11
Joined: Jan 2010

I lost my life partner, my husband only slightly over one month ago. My whole world has crumbled around me.

He was my family, we had no children, we were to start a family this year, get a home together and start living as a family unit.

Then cancer decided to comeinto our lives and stole it all away from us.

I have had to endure watching a perfectly healthy man, go from good health to die young, before my eyes. See his family take over once he had died, now I am in a position where his ex, his children from his previous wife, his mother and brother are all in one camp and then it is myself.

Throughout his life, my partner protected me from all this political stuff and we pretty much lived together seperated from these people. Now their cash cow has gone, the ex wants payback, the kids are siding with her. Yet I gave them their father.

I feel so alone. I miss him so much, I need to hold his hand, I need his love and support. My whole family has died. I need to start over, and people keep telling me to 'move on', 'get over it', 'time heals'. How pathetic! You never move on, you take the loved on with you, time is not my friend at all, not in cancer, it can never heal a heart that is broken. One never gets over love. Love stays with you.

There are so many life questions I have, but, none of them will ever bring him back or heal my heart.

I love him with all my soul and my heart, he is and will always be my soulmate and friend.

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