I've Lost My Mind
What the heck is with this lack of memory? I completed chemo 1 year ago (April 3rd) and I keep thinking that it is going to get better but it doesn't. Actually I did think that I was doing better but now the past couple of weeks I have been terrible. I'm not even sure what I have lost now but I'm sure I will realize it soon. Even my hubby noticed and said the other day, "I thought you were getting better?"
If this is part of my 'new normal' I'm not willing to accept that! I can't spend my life trying to figure out where I am, what I'm doing, where I'm going and where I'm supposed to be. I know that all of the post-menopausal friends that I talk to say that they have the same issues and they experienced menopause naturally, but I cannot imagine that they are this bad because I just cannot accept this! I'm on two anti-depressents, which seemed like they were helping but now I have to wonder about them too. Is there any hope for improvement?
Thanks,
Rita
Comments
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I have had some persistent
I have had some persistent forgetfulness, but it does not seem to be as intense as what you are experiencing. I would definitely say talk to your Doctor and consider seeing a counsellor. You may need to adjust the meds, or learn some coping strategies, or maybe find a support group, I really don't know. Hopefully you will get some more helpful responses from other posts.
My thoughts are with you. seof0 -
no chemo, but...seof said:I have had some persistent
I have had some persistent forgetfulness, but it does not seem to be as intense as what you are experiencing. I would definitely say talk to your Doctor and consider seeing a counsellor. You may need to adjust the meds, or learn some coping strategies, or maybe find a support group, I really don't know. Hopefully you will get some more helpful responses from other posts.
My thoughts are with you. seof
I didn't have chemo but I did have radiation for 8 weeks...I call it "fried syndrome" as I sometimes feel the same way. I honestly think we have been through way too much to be able to keep everything in their own special brain compartments. My "drawers" are overflowing...maybe spring cleaning and a "goodwill" drop off is needed.0 -
wow
2 antidepressants? That could be part of the problem. I mean, we all lose stuff, forget etc., but, if you think it is still not the "norm", maybe you better talk to your doctor. Antidepressants change your brain, so, I wouldn't rule them out. Just talk to your doctor Rita and let us know!0 -
Lost my mind
Hi Rita,
I finished chemo and rads 3 1/2 years ago and I still have problems with memory. My onc. refuses to admit that it is long term and I beg to differ with her. If I don't right it down, it doesn't exist. If you tell me something w/o eye contact, you never said it, and so on. I don't want to bring you down. I keep telling myself it will get better, but things aren't getting better. I, too, am on anti-depressants and was on them before cancer, so I can't blame them. Actually, they helped. I've taken 2 different kinds before, they were prescribed for different reasons. If it is truly starting to bother you, let your doc know. If not, welcome to my world!
Love and Gentle Hugs,
Donna0 -
Kristin makes a good pointKristin N said:wow
2 antidepressants? That could be part of the problem. I mean, we all lose stuff, forget etc., but, if you think it is still not the "norm", maybe you better talk to your doctor. Antidepressants change your brain, so, I wouldn't rule them out. Just talk to your doctor Rita and let us know!
I've been on Zoloft (real or generic) for 15 years now, and it has definitely affected my brain. Mostly for the good, of course, or I wouldn't have stayed on it. But it has definitely affected my memory, which was once frighteningly good and is now merely frightening. Just like chemo, different anti-depressants can have widely different effects on different people. So please don't throw in the towel just yet, Rita. What you describe is very likely chemically created and just as likely reversible.0 -
Thank you
Thank you for your comments! It is just so frustrating! Don't know if you saw this in another thread, but last week:
1) I lost my car keys from the time I got out of the car to the time I got out of the car. Searched and searched and they were no where to be found. Then next night I remembered that I hid one of my packages in my closet (it contained my hubby's birthday present) and sure enough, they were in there.
2) The next morning I went to get the package out of the closet so that I could give it to hubby on his birthday........couldn't find it anywhere. That night I remembered that when I found my keys I hung the present up so it wouldn't be too wrinkled and he did get it at 10:00 on his birthday.
3) Then the next morning I realized that I had lost my glasses. Looked everywhere for days. Finally found them yesterday. When I was looking in my closet for the bag with the car keys in it, my glasses fell off the top of my head and into my shoes on the closet floor. I just happened to move the right shoe yesterday so that they fell down in front of my face or they would still be missing.
I really have to laugh at the events, but it is also very scary because I thought I was improving.
I will talk to one of my doctors. Which is another problem for me...I never know which doctor I'm supposed to talk to. I was seeing a counselor that I like very much and she prescribed the anti-depressants but I just found out that she isn't in my insurance plan and I really can't afford $225 an hour. Guess I won't be seeing her again! but I will figure out one of the other 1000 doctors that I have.
Thanks again for the help. I was wondering if this was common or if there are just a few of us suffering with this or if I am the only one.
God bless,
Rita0 -
You probably need to talk toritazimm said:Thank you
Thank you for your comments! It is just so frustrating! Don't know if you saw this in another thread, but last week:
1) I lost my car keys from the time I got out of the car to the time I got out of the car. Searched and searched and they were no where to be found. Then next night I remembered that I hid one of my packages in my closet (it contained my hubby's birthday present) and sure enough, they were in there.
2) The next morning I went to get the package out of the closet so that I could give it to hubby on his birthday........couldn't find it anywhere. That night I remembered that when I found my keys I hung the present up so it wouldn't be too wrinkled and he did get it at 10:00 on his birthday.
3) Then the next morning I realized that I had lost my glasses. Looked everywhere for days. Finally found them yesterday. When I was looking in my closet for the bag with the car keys in it, my glasses fell off the top of my head and into my shoes on the closet floor. I just happened to move the right shoe yesterday so that they fell down in front of my face or they would still be missing.
I really have to laugh at the events, but it is also very scary because I thought I was improving.
I will talk to one of my doctors. Which is another problem for me...I never know which doctor I'm supposed to talk to. I was seeing a counselor that I like very much and she prescribed the anti-depressants but I just found out that she isn't in my insurance plan and I really can't afford $225 an hour. Guess I won't be seeing her again! but I will figure out one of the other 1000 doctors that I have.
Thanks again for the help. I was wondering if this was common or if there are just a few of us suffering with this or if I am the only one.
God bless,
Rita
You probably need to talk to your doctor for sure Rita. But, anti-depressants do affect your brain, they do change it, so, the 2 that you are on could be adding to just the normal loss of memory. I don't think I have ever heard of anyone on 2. Why are you on two if I may ask? Most I know are just on one anti-depressant. I wish you the best Rita and let us know what you find out.0 -
antidepressantsJeanne D said:You probably need to talk to
You probably need to talk to your doctor for sure Rita. But, anti-depressants do affect your brain, they do change it, so, the 2 that you are on could be adding to just the normal loss of memory. I don't think I have ever heard of anyone on 2. Why are you on two if I may ask? Most I know are just on one anti-depressant. I wish you the best Rita and let us know what you find out.
It is not uncommon to be on more than one anti-depressant. I've known people on several. Sometimes one helps another one to be more effective, etc. Sometimes one anti-depressant acts more like an anti-anxiety and the other an anti-depressant.0 -
Two anti-depressantsJeanne D said:You probably need to talk to
You probably need to talk to your doctor for sure Rita. But, anti-depressants do affect your brain, they do change it, so, the 2 that you are on could be adding to just the normal loss of memory. I don't think I have ever heard of anyone on 2. Why are you on two if I may ask? Most I know are just on one anti-depressant. I wish you the best Rita and let us know what you find out.
I was started on one by my internist (Celexa) to try to get 'me' back and for the focus and concentration. It really did help the depression and I felt much more like 'me' after a couple of weeks. Then when I started the counseling due to the lack of concentration and ability to focus, she decided to add the Wellbutrin. The two drugs work on different hormonal issuses in the brain. The Wellbutrin has a better effect on the focus/concentration issues and the Celexa helps with the anxiety issues. I too thought it was crazy but it was seeming to work as I was improving immensely. But lately I fell like I've lost 50% of the improvement that I had gained. No doubt about it, I need to schedule ANOTHER doctor's appointment! Sure glad they can take their vacations since - it's on me!0 -
anti-depressantsritazimm said:Two anti-depressants
I was started on one by my internist (Celexa) to try to get 'me' back and for the focus and concentration. It really did help the depression and I felt much more like 'me' after a couple of weeks. Then when I started the counseling due to the lack of concentration and ability to focus, she decided to add the Wellbutrin. The two drugs work on different hormonal issuses in the brain. The Wellbutrin has a better effect on the focus/concentration issues and the Celexa helps with the anxiety issues. I too thought it was crazy but it was seeming to work as I was improving immensely. But lately I fell like I've lost 50% of the improvement that I had gained. No doubt about it, I need to schedule ANOTHER doctor's appointment! Sure glad they can take their vacations since - it's on me!
I've been on 2 anti-depresants too ... zoloft and wellbutrin ... for several years. I have no idea about what each does ... but all I know is it keeps me from being depressed. I guess I must be one of those clinically depressed people ... with the chemical imbalance etc. because it was pretty bad BEFORE the cancer diagnosis. I have noticed since my chemo started that I have become totally flakey and forgetful ... but I'm not about to change my medication because ... I'm afraid if the doctors start messing around with what I take I might end up back in one of those "dark places." I guess I'm just sort of looking at my inability to focus as a "positive" because I don't have the ability to dwell on anything (like cancer). And ... maybe for me ... that's a good thing. So ... I'll just stay in my little flakey world until chemo is finished and then if the brain doesn't function much better ... then I'll check into changing anti-depressants. But ... for now ... I'll just be queen of the flakes! ... Which is great at work ... NOT! But thank goodness I work with VERY understanding people and they are extremely patient with me ... when I ask the same question 10 times ... as they explain things to me 20 times etc...I do make lists and take notes ... but when I look back at them I have no idea what I meant ... :-)
Like you ... I really, really understand how frustrating it is to be so forgetful and hope this is all temporary.
hugs.
teena0 -
Forgetfulnessritazimm said:Two anti-depressants
I was started on one by my internist (Celexa) to try to get 'me' back and for the focus and concentration. It really did help the depression and I felt much more like 'me' after a couple of weeks. Then when I started the counseling due to the lack of concentration and ability to focus, she decided to add the Wellbutrin. The two drugs work on different hormonal issuses in the brain. The Wellbutrin has a better effect on the focus/concentration issues and the Celexa helps with the anxiety issues. I too thought it was crazy but it was seeming to work as I was improving immensely. But lately I fell like I've lost 50% of the improvement that I had gained. No doubt about it, I need to schedule ANOTHER doctor's appointment! Sure glad they can take their vacations since - it's on me!
I have this side effect from the chemo, too. It is also getting worse. I can't remember what I did a minute ago, simple words, and names of things I would never before have forgotten. Someone recommended a gym to me yesterday. The gym had a very distinctive name. By the end of the day, I had forgotten the name completely. Happens all the time now. Sorry to hear of all your troubles. I wonder if it could be medications as well as the chemo? I was on lexapro all through chemo, but quit cold turkey right afterwards. I was planning on weaning myself off, but then I simply forgot to take it... Hope you get some answers.
Mimi0 -
Worktgf said:anti-depressants
I've been on 2 anti-depresants too ... zoloft and wellbutrin ... for several years. I have no idea about what each does ... but all I know is it keeps me from being depressed. I guess I must be one of those clinically depressed people ... with the chemical imbalance etc. because it was pretty bad BEFORE the cancer diagnosis. I have noticed since my chemo started that I have become totally flakey and forgetful ... but I'm not about to change my medication because ... I'm afraid if the doctors start messing around with what I take I might end up back in one of those "dark places." I guess I'm just sort of looking at my inability to focus as a "positive" because I don't have the ability to dwell on anything (like cancer). And ... maybe for me ... that's a good thing. So ... I'll just stay in my little flakey world until chemo is finished and then if the brain doesn't function much better ... then I'll check into changing anti-depressants. But ... for now ... I'll just be queen of the flakes! ... Which is great at work ... NOT! But thank goodness I work with VERY understanding people and they are extremely patient with me ... when I ask the same question 10 times ... as they explain things to me 20 times etc...I do make lists and take notes ... but when I look back at them I have no idea what I meant ... :-)
Like you ... I really, really understand how frustrating it is to be so forgetful and hope this is all temporary.
hugs.
teena
I too have great co-workers that are very understanding and helpful. But after a year and a half I'm thinking that they shouldn't ahve to put up with me anymore. I should be able to pull my own load. They tell me to 'give it time' but I'm just wondering how much time? It would seem that I should be farther along than I am...mentally.0 -
AortusAortus said:Kristin makes a good point
I've been on Zoloft (real or generic) for 15 years now, and it has definitely affected my brain. Mostly for the good, of course, or I wouldn't have stayed on it. But it has definitely affected my memory, which was once frighteningly good and is now merely frightening. Just like chemo, different anti-depressants can have widely different effects on different people. So please don't throw in the towel just yet, Rita. What you describe is very likely chemically created and just as likely reversible.
I've been on Zoloft for several years also. How do you know that that is what has affected your brain and not just getting older? (or are you) Wow I don't have a chance- chemo, Zoloft and old age!
Jadie0 -
the forgetfulness or chemo
the forgetfulness or chemo brain is so frustrating. i too, finished my chemo and radiation one year ago and thought that i would return to "normal". well it hasn't worked out that way. my challenge is accepting the fact that my new normal may be symptoms of forgetfulness neuropathy and fatigue. very different than i was before. my days are up and down and i get angry at times because i consider it a hassle. now i have to look at things differently such as i am cancer free and alive. still i get ticked off at times. so i just have to go with it and stop using negative energy. sounds good but i still do get mad often. talk to you again, rita, hugs, peggy0 -
Thanks Peggy,peggy65 said:the forgetfulness or chemo
the forgetfulness or chemo brain is so frustrating. i too, finished my chemo and radiation one year ago and thought that i would return to "normal". well it hasn't worked out that way. my challenge is accepting the fact that my new normal may be symptoms of forgetfulness neuropathy and fatigue. very different than i was before. my days are up and down and i get angry at times because i consider it a hassle. now i have to look at things differently such as i am cancer free and alive. still i get ticked off at times. so i just have to go with it and stop using negative energy. sounds good but i still do get mad often. talk to you again, rita, hugs, peggy
I like your
Thanks Peggy,
I like your positive thinking! I am definitely praying that this is not my 'new normal'!!! This is so unacceptable! I am just not willing to accept that I will be this way forever! I'm not sure what I am going to do about it, but I have to do something.
Thanks also for mentioning the fatigue. I've been wondering if it is a figment of my imagination or what. I have never been so fatigued in my life. I've been thinking that with it being a year since I completed chemo, the fatigue should be gone. I guess this is all going to take a lot longer than I anticipated.
Thanks for sharing Peggy.
God bless,
Rita0 -
forgetfulnessritazimm said:Thanks Peggy,
I like your
Thanks Peggy,
I like your positive thinking! I am definitely praying that this is not my 'new normal'!!! This is so unacceptable! I am just not willing to accept that I will be this way forever! I'm not sure what I am going to do about it, but I have to do something.
Thanks also for mentioning the fatigue. I've been wondering if it is a figment of my imagination or what. I have never been so fatigued in my life. I've been thinking that with it being a year since I completed chemo, the fatigue should be gone. I guess this is all going to take a lot longer than I anticipated.
Thanks for sharing Peggy.
God bless,
Rita
I don't have a problem with phone numbers but I do with names.
I called my eye doctor's office because I have been having a lot of ocular migraines and wanted to get this checked out and the woman on the phone answered "Smart Eyecare" and then I drew a blank I told her that I needed to see my eye doctor but couldn't remember his name at the office---Well it is the owner--Dr. Smart--I knew his first name but didn't want to say his first name and not be professional. The woman started to go down the list of eye doctors in the office for me.
I felt like a fool.
This is only after 4 treatments and 12 more to go.
Margo0 -
Ritatommaseena said:forgetfulness
I don't have a problem with phone numbers but I do with names.
I called my eye doctor's office because I have been having a lot of ocular migraines and wanted to get this checked out and the woman on the phone answered "Smart Eyecare" and then I drew a blank I told her that I needed to see my eye doctor but couldn't remember his name at the office---Well it is the owner--Dr. Smart--I knew his first name but didn't want to say his first name and not be professional. The woman started to go down the list of eye doctors in the office for me.
I felt like a fool.
This is only after 4 treatments and 12 more to go.
Margo
Hi.. Me again. I started having these problems after treatment 4 of 6.. My problems were short term memory and money. I couldn't remember appointments made yesterday or a conversation 2 days ago, I also cocked up money big time, counted out 50$s as 20$s and 20$s as 10$s...I am just getting it together now after almost a year out of treatment. I think this is normal, but it does go away, eventually... Jxxxxxxxxxxxxx0 -
There was a report not too
There was a report not too long ago on the evening news that spoke about chemo brain. What it said was that chemotherapy is designed to attack fast growing cells, which cancer cells are fast growing, as well as hair, and your brain cells. Therefore, as you are going through chemo, it is also killing "good" fast growing cells, that's why we lose our hair, nails, and get chemo brain. The report stated, that in some studies, it took up to 5 years for cancer survivors to get back to some semblance of normalcy, and that there was a prescription drug they were giving them. I don't remember the name of the drug, but I know some of you have oncologist visits coming up very soon, why don't you ask and post a thread? I don't have to go to my oncologist until June 5th, but I will ask when I go and post. Hugs, Lili
PS: Rita, your story sounds like mine, every single day!!!! I spend hours trying to find where I put things. I'm almost afraid to put anything away.0 -
good excusemmontero38 said:There was a report not too
There was a report not too long ago on the evening news that spoke about chemo brain. What it said was that chemotherapy is designed to attack fast growing cells, which cancer cells are fast growing, as well as hair, and your brain cells. Therefore, as you are going through chemo, it is also killing "good" fast growing cells, that's why we lose our hair, nails, and get chemo brain. The report stated, that in some studies, it took up to 5 years for cancer survivors to get back to some semblance of normalcy, and that there was a prescription drug they were giving them. I don't remember the name of the drug, but I know some of you have oncologist visits coming up very soon, why don't you ask and post a thread? I don't have to go to my oncologist until June 5th, but I will ask when I go and post. Hugs, Lili
PS: Rita, your story sounds like mine, every single day!!!! I spend hours trying to find where I put things. I'm almost afraid to put anything away.
well it is a good excuse when your husband asks "don't you remember.....?", all you have to say is "chemo brain". I will use it as long as I can!
he he
Cat0 -
New Photo!!!tommaseena said:forgetfulness
I don't have a problem with phone numbers but I do with names.
I called my eye doctor's office because I have been having a lot of ocular migraines and wanted to get this checked out and the woman on the phone answered "Smart Eyecare" and then I drew a blank I told her that I needed to see my eye doctor but couldn't remember his name at the office---Well it is the owner--Dr. Smart--I knew his first name but didn't want to say his first name and not be professional. The woman started to go down the list of eye doctors in the office for me.
I felt like a fool.
This is only after 4 treatments and 12 more to go.
Margo
Hey, Margo!
LOVE IT!
Kind regards, Susan
P.S.: Although I understand how you felt, you are most certainly NOT a fool, dear. You know, I often wonder...
If, in ADDITION to the actual physiological effects of chemo on the brain (which "they" are still studying, which MUCH left to learn), the sheer enormous amount of stress & anxiety (etc.) we all experience from moment of diagnosis forward and all throughout treatment contributes to the syndrome we euphemistically call "chemo brain"... Maybe it should really be called "this totally sucks brain"...0
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