My first post

No need to give up!
I'm not sure what we are to call you since you didn't leave a name... but welcome to the most supportive board on the internet! You are going to get a lot of support and advice here and you will feel a whole heap better, so make sure you come back and come back often!

You asked for advice on how to help your husband see that there is a reason for fighting and surviving. Is there any way you can get him interested in coming here and reading the various topics and posts here? He doesn't have to ask questions or post anything until he's feeling comfortable to do that... but I bet if he just reads all the various posts, he will feel better and realize that there is no such thing as "hopeless"... it ain't over until it's over

I can totally understand though why he feels devastated. When I first met my oncologist, not only did we click right from the beginning, I could tell that she was extremely smart and well-educated, and for whatever reason, I knew that I could trust her and she would never lead me astray. I made it through 9 months of chemo and 6 weeks of daily radiation... and then, a couple of months later, a PET scan had shown that the cancer had spread to my right adrenal gland and my lungs. My oncologist was very good in that she said we would treat both areas, but before we knew it had spread and were waiting for the biopsy results, I insisted she tell me what the prognosis would be if the results prove it had spread. She didn't want to tell me... she said we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. But I insisted. She said that the news wouldn't be great...if the biopsy proved the cancer had spread then that would mean I have advanced colon cancer and the statistics show that I would have 2 months - 2 years (max).

So when you say your husband was totally devastated, I know EXACTLY how he was feeling. It's like you leave your body... you just can't absorb those words, yet you know they are devastating. And of course, we are taught to trust our doctors that they know what they are talking about... and for the most part, they do.

I was told this 15 months ago. If we are to go by those "well-known statistics" then that means I should only have about 9 months left, and no more options for treatments. Well, I proved them wrong! We treated the right adrenal gland by surgically removing it. As far as the lungs go, there were 12 nodules there, but even the doctors don't know which ones are cancer and which ones may be scar tissue. The largest one which measured 19mm lit up the PET scan so it was cancer... we had that one ablated (zapped with radio frequency waves.. similar to microwaving). The remaining 11 are either not growing or growing soooo slowly, they can't biopsy them or zap them. So we are in a "wait and watch" mode... and have been getting CAT scans every 2 months for the past year. Now, my onc says that if any of the nodules are cancer, they are indolent (very lazy) and since there is no sign yet of metabolic activity, the next CAT scan will be four months from the last one... so it will be in July.

I am obviously no where near being on my last legs and have run out of treatment options! We haven't even started treating them yet because they are so indolent and small. But if we believed the statistics, I could have just shriveled up, become a hermit, and waited to die... because the statistics said that was what was going to happen.

So you have to get through to your hubby that statistics are nothing but numbers... and numbers that are soooo out of date! I am going to assume that he has medical insurance of some sort, so is going to be covered to get whatever treatments his oncologist recommends? Keep in mind that statistics are done randomly and there are so many folk out there who DON'T have insurance, so can't afford to go to doctors, let alone get the treatments. So unfortunately, they do die. There are also a lot of elderly people who have this cancer and they die because their systems just can't handle the damage the disease does or be able to handle the treatments (if they can even afford them). But statistics don't differentiate between those who have insurance and those who don't. Someone who is strong and healthy vs someone who is elderly and frail. So hubby has all of that going in his favour... he's not elderly, he's strong and healthy and he has insurance... so he certainly does not have to be an unfortunate statistic.

I'm not a praying gal... but I am a believer that thought plays a huge role in our lives and well-being. The cliche "Be careful what you wish for" or "Be careful what you think" is very true! Any thoughts we have will come back tenfold... any thoughts others have for us, will have the same affect.

And with that, you can tell him that I am sending him healthy, healing and peaceful thoughts from Canada The first step is to get over the feeling of panic and devastation and believe that he is not going to be a statistic! Send those thoughts out and that will be a start... because getting over the panic and devastation is a huge thing. But it will happen

Hugggggggs,

Cheryl