Apr 25, 2009 - 9:21 am
My dad died 7 1/2 weeks ago to pancreatic cancer. He and my mom were very close... so close that they didn't have many other friends other than each other and they didn't do anything outside of the house away from each other. Mom has never worked bc dad wanted her there for him at all times. It was a very sweet relationship in lots of ways.
My mom and I were never really close, but since I moved 30 minutes away from her 2 years ago, she has been clinging to me like you woulnd't believe. I think bc she got bored with always being with just my dad and being at home. If I left town for one night to get some space, she would call me and tell me how much she missed me. Now that dad is gone, the clinginess has gone to a whole new level. I am married and have a 1.5 year old and a little girl on the way. If I go one day without seeing my mom, she gets very depressed and lonely. I see her every day bc if I don't see her, I can't handle the guilt of her being alone and missing my dad. I have been neglecting my son and husband since before dad even got sick, bc of her neediness, and now it has gotten to the point where I am having to get counseling.
I just don't know how to help her. The guilt I feel if I do not cater to her is overwhelming. She has physical problems and can't drive too far or walk much bc of nerve damage. So when I hang out with her, I usually have to drive her around and push her in a wheel chair. that is not easy with a toddler, and has become increasingly difficult for me physically since I am almost 6 months pregnant. She lives 30 minutes away... which is not real far, but after going there every day for almost 2 years, it seems like a long drive.
for those of you who have lost a spouse, please tell me how to help her. I am so stressed that I am starting to get angry with her and then the guilt is even worse bc she doesn't want to live any more if I'm not being everything that she needs me to be. I encourage her to go to support groups or get a job, but she won't do anything without me and I can't do it with my toddler. I am so overwhelmed... please help.