Apr 24, 2009 - 3:27 pm
Here is some background...last February I was diagnosed with synovial sarcoma. It was in my left forearm. I don't remember the approx. dimensions, but I remember them saying it was considered "small." I had a chest ct, bone scan, and pet scan which all showed no evidence of metastasis. I started with radiation to help shrink the tumor. After that finished, I had a surgery to remove the tumor as well as a sentinel node biopsy. The node biopsy was clean and the surgery was successful, my doctor was able to spare a lot of the function of my arm and thankfully, it functions very well despite the fact.
The frustrating part came after surgery. My doctors were all on the fence about whether or not I needed chemo. It took a lot of thought, discussion, and research, but ultimately I made the decision to do chemo. I thought that I would feel better with the notion that I did everything I could to fight it. I had six treatments of Adriamyacin and Ifosfomide cocktails. I would be hospitalized from Thursday to Saturday getting treatment, beginning treatment on thursday and ending treatment on friday evening. I really don't remember much of the treatment, The drugs made me pretty delusional.
Cut to now, April 2009. I am doing well, feeling good and taking care of myself. I have had an MRI and a Chest CT and they both have shown "no evidence of recurrence." I have been given a pretty good prognosis and my test results have worked out in my benefit. However, I still can't really kick the negative thoughts. I get so worried sometimes that I can't sleep or that I have paranoid feelings. Going to the doctor makes me so anxious that I feel sick to my stomach. I have had two friends pass away in the last 6 months (one to metastatic osteosarcoma, one to breast cancer) and I feel like all that surrounds me is these dismal stories.
I have been seeing a therapist and started taking an anti-anxiety medication to help combat the feelings. But its so intense sometimes and I feel like I really don't have many people to turn to...especially my friends. Its really hard to find a 19 year old that can relate to what I've been through. I have a really supportive team behind me but its tough to find somebody that can actually relate.
I would love to hear some encouraging words and survival stories. Also I would like to hear stories about cancer-survivor related anxiety and how you overcame it. Its a tough road and I know that the feelings will never completely go away, but all stories are welcome. Thank you so much and you all are so strong!