Apr 23, 2009 - 11:21 am
I am not sure how to share this so I will try to present it as specifically as possible.
My wife has stage 4 colon cancer. She has been on chemotherapy since December 07, Folfox and now Folfiri. Her last CEA “Dropped” from 96 to 95. Her last CT scan according to her oncologist was “Unchanged” meaning that there is still cancer in her liver and in all lobes of her lung. He told my wife that it’s possible that the CT scan cannot always differentiate between scar tissue and cancer cells. However the “Fact her CEA is elevated indicates it is cancer in her lungs and obviously in her liver.” This makes sense to me in a clinical way – it means what it means, she still has cancer that is being held in a “Holding pattern” so to speak with her chemotherapy.
My wife however takes it further and more or less throws reality out the window and tells everyone that she only has scar tissue in her liver and lungs, that the doctor told her cancer is too small to see and that her CEA is steadily dropping down to zero. Meanwhile I’m thinking “Were we in the same room?”
I have supported my wife every day since this hell started. To be honest I get tired and sometimes feel guilty when I start to walk with her through her denial, and yet would feel terrible if I did not support her positive outlook of what is happening. Where is the fine line?
Today I called in sick at my job because it is the day I would need to leave on my lunch hour to flush her PICC line, then go back to work, make up the hour I was gone then scramble to my other job (To help pay bills) and then hit the market at 10:00 PM to buy her Acai juice and more damn Ensure! I am just fried right now.
Thanks for letting me vent.