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Put your life in words

slickwilly's picture
slickwilly
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

After many months of reading posts from spouses and children there seems to be something missing. I am as guilty as everyone else on here. When I had cancer I thought of living or dying and not much else. If I had not survived my family would of been left with memories, photographs and videotapes. There would of been few memories about how I became the person I was. Some of the family history might of been lost and the hopes and dreams I have for my children not even a memory. Even the memory of how my wife and I met and started our lives together could be gone quite quickly. Its very easy to sit here and think our words would not mean much to our children or a spouse. Or we think we don't have the time to write them down even though we have time to come on here and write. But after reading some of the letters on loss of loved ones, I can't imagine how much our words could mean to our children, spouses or even future generations of our family. Just read the letters from a young child that has lost a parent and its easy to understand how our words could mean so much, later in their life. In my daughters words "it would be a way for her to still have a connection even if I was gone". So I will start writing and I hope you will too. Because it does matter. Slickwilly

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

Thanks so much for starting this post Slick, it's a wonderful idea for anyone to do, sick or not. I have thought about it a million times but never really do it and now I am going to start seriously thinking of what I will write. I actually was just thinking about it a few days ago, coincidentally, and thought of all the things my kids still don't know about me from before I was married - my careers etc. They really only knew me sick and that would be a shame for them to only remember me as that. So I will start writing Slick, thanks to you, and I hope others will do the same too. What a wonderful gift to leave loved ones, especially our children. Hope today is a good one for you Slick. Blessings, Blueroses.

P.S. My heart test came back okay, no blockages and yesterday I heard that my cats lump biopsy came back a-okay, benign. SIGH. WHEW. Two could be tragedies averted. YAY.

green50
Posts: 318
Joined: Feb 2008

I happy for your reports Bluerose. Thats great. I won't know my blood results until next week. Kind of anxious to hear if my count went down with this chemo. I like hearing good news. Hopefully I will have some next week. Thanks Slick for the info too.
Prayers and Hugs
Sandy

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

Hope your results are good next week. Just a little good news now and then can sure make all the difference. After that and getting out with a friend for once I almost felt 'normal' well for a day anywho. Was worth the pain of the next day from overdoing it. Sometimes you just have to push it. Let us know about your results when you get them, k?
Hugs, Blueroses.

green50
Posts: 318
Joined: Feb 2008

Thanks Bluerose, I will give results hopefully they will have them beginning of the week. I have lots of fluid in tummy may have it drained. I did take water pills and they helped but still have some discomfort. We'll see how this week goes. Chemo starting to bog me down some. Hopefully be better in couple weeks. I am going to friends 60th birthday the 25th and want to be feeling good then. Won't take chemo again until 27th. Beautiful chilly day in the HOosier state, Indiana but sunshining. Hope all is well with you.
Prayers and Hugs as Always
Sandy

lindaprocopio's picture
lindaprocopio
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

Slickwilly, your post inspired such guilt (maybe not the right word??) in me that I've ignored it until today, waiting for a quieter day to think and to respond. I write grant proposals for a living, and have kept some type of journal since I was a child, and have always been one to work out what I was feeling by writing it down into a poem or letter, as a way of getting some control over whatever was bothering me.

And yet, I haven't written down anything for my grandchildren of 7 and 8 years old, even though they are small enough that if I were to die they might better remember the 'sick Grammy Linda,' instead of the 'pre-cancer Grammy Linda' that taught them to climb trees, bake rolls and pies; plant vegetables; build snowmen and forts; stand on their heads; 'snowboard' on their boots; and know the names of every bird, bug, and flower in my huge gardens.

So, why haven't I written something special just for them, for when I am gone? I could pretend that I am too busy getting my cancer treatments and keeping my business running, but I always have time to pop in here! Or do I think the exercise will be too melodramatic and self-indulgent for me to handle emotionally, dissolving me into tears of self-pity when I work on it?

Or is it because I can't bear to think this cancer may actually kill me,... at least not before I have time to create lasting memories that they will surely remember? I think of little people as 'show me; don't tell me' creatures. I have albums of beautiful photos of these precious children (check out my 'Expressions' page in my profile here for some of them) that make a strong statement of my deep love.

But Slickwilly is right. Writing things down is something that I need to do. Maybe this fall, when, (God willing) all of my treatments are over, I will stop procrastinating. Thanks, Slickwilly. I know that you are right and I know that I have been avoiding this project. You give me much to think about.

slickwilly's picture
slickwilly
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

I know this is a hard subject for many of us. My daughters just learned that I met my wife by buying her a hot chocolate at a football game. She was much cheaper and less demanding then ha ha. They will learn that we started our life together with a sleeping bag. An apartment a sleeping bag and lots of love. When we finally bought a pot to cook in I added too much rice and ruined my wifes soup. I will not leave them remembering me as a person that had cancer and took lots of pain pills. Prayers and hugs Slickwilly

tiny one
Posts: 467
Joined: Jan 2009

I've heard many say they look at Cancer as a gift. Well I sure don't but the one thing cancer hs done has shown me what's important in life. My family number one. I have learned to say love you much to the ones I love and care deeply about. Don't take life for granted anymore. In the blink of an eye life can change. I love deeper and yes I stop and look around and notice the beautiful things in life. I say thank you for what I have. I have kept a journal of my struggle with Cancer. Don't know if I want anyonelse to read it though. God bless.

shoppergal
Posts: 118
Joined: Mar 2009

It is really hard to think as cancer as a gift, but in a strange way it is. Even if we've enjoyed life and appreciated it before, after cancer we really seem to re-evaluate life. I never would sweat the small stuff before, but now I don't really sweat the big stuff either.I try to just roll with the punches,I look at things almost like I have a new pair of eyes. I also have kept a journal which I haven't let anyone read, but I guess when the time comes that I'm no longer here, it will be read. I think writing about our lives so that when we are gone our kids and or grandchildren will know about us, is a great idea. I also think sometimes we just don't talk about ourselves to our children or grandchildren, but we need to. We need to tell our friends and family how much we love them and appreciate them. This is something we should be able to do whether we are sick or not, but it seems it takes something like cancer to get us to do it. So cancer can be considered a gift if it changes us for the better!! God Bless everyone here.

tiny one
Posts: 467
Joined: Jan 2009

I would have rather found the true meaning of life any other way than a cancer diagnosis. I'm still bitter about the scars I have and issues that I'm left with namely painful bathroom issues and sexual issues. I know that I can only move forward now and not mourn what I once had. In not so many words cancer is a pain in the butt literally.

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

If cancer had not entered my life, my unhappy marriage and lousy job might have sapped my energy for life for another five years. Cancer was the "shock therapy" necessary for getting out of dead-end situations. Sometimes, opportunity does result from crisis. It is up to us to recognize and take advantage of it when it does.

Love and Courage!

Rick

Dreamdove's picture
Dreamdove
Posts: 175
Joined: Sep 2008

If I hadn't gotten cancer, I would have probably stayed in a relationship with a man (even moved in with him)that was emotionally abusive. If that hadn't worked out, I would probably have gone on to other unhappy relationships. Because of cancer, I no longer date. That can be good or bad but at least I have more peace of mind. I find myself content with a simple life, not too many struggles with other people's issues, other than my kids and other relatives. I still have the same job, which I may have changed if I hadn't gotten sick but I am grateful I have one in these economic times. I am unsure about the future but isn't everyone? If my cancer comes back and they tell me I only have 3 months I know what I will do because I am prepared. A great majority of people are totally disorganized and if they were to pass suddenly, someone would have to take care of the mess they left behind. However, it's not to say I'm glad I got cancer but that sometimes some good can come out of it despite all the negativity.

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