Cancer Survivors Network

Tonybear. I am 53 and on disability after cancer. I had returned to work for 2 years when my neck fell apart. I had worked since 14 years of age and not working drove me crazy. But after having cancer I no longer worked OT and took as much time off as possible. My priorities had completly changed and I realized that my family was more important to spend time with then working. There are no gaurantees that cancer won't come back and we want to get the most out of life. I think its perfectly normal. But then again we can't have much of a life without any income. After fighting my battles with disability my wife and I spent a night at a lighthouse on Lake Superior. We were out walking around at midnight all by ourselves. That trip was the start of my new life and I was able to finally settle in. I hope your able to get away and have time to think about things. Slickwilly

the family is becoming more of focal point in my mind. the other day i came home from work and my girl was on the sofa watching tv. i went to my room and the thought came to me. she won't always be here. so i went back to the living room, put the sofa pillows on the floor and laid down and watched tv with her. that was a new one for me. even though i am the step dad we are very close and talk a lot. my wife ask me where i'd want to live.i told her on the beach, but not on the atlantic side because of those hurry-caines. i lived between the delaware and chesapeak and atlantic ocean for 10 yrs. i miss the beach and ocean. i now live south of ft worth tx and the waves are few and far between. there isn't much of a high tide here either. the money thing controls a lot of my life with 3 kids at home. 2 in college and 1 getting ready to go navy.
thanks for the reply. tony

Hi Slickwilly

I was an elementary school teacher when I was diagnosed with throat cancer. Base of tongue, Squamous Cell. The tx went well and 2 years after tx ended I was and remain in constant pain from speaking too much or cold/dry N.E. weather. I do better in warm humid environments and seek these out during the winter. I have large school debts that I am unable to pay and are in deferment. I also have a Masters in Counseling/Psychology and I am looking for a way to put my experience and education together to help other cancer patients that have gone through what I have. I go crazy not working and have not reached the point of acceptance in my grieving process. How did you get there? Sounds like something "clicked" foryou at that lighthouse. Or, maybe you finally reached acceptance. Any help or advice you can lend would be appreciated. We sound like we have had similar life experiences. I look forward to your response.

Pete

i try to give her time when she wants it. she has her own company working with autistic children. i can't do that job. i love them but the patience required is great. we have a time share condo and can use it when ever, but the time for when ever is hard to find. thank you for the help.
tony

the more i think about it the more some of it is a time control issue. we only have 24 hours per day and i'd like to control more of it if not all of it. my job provides above average insurance which enabled me to get the best care i could for 2 months without the worry of a job loss. it is like flipping a coin and waiting for it to be something other than heads or tails. my abstract thinking doesn't always help. me and the wife do a lot for other people through our church and i love that time. there is good, bad, laughter and tears. but it is fulfilling to the soul. my kids ( 18 and 19 ) help others without being told, so that makes mom and myself happy. all of the help i've had here is an eye opener to a better future. all of this helps me to be a better person. thank you all. tony

Mr. Bear, you have said so much of what I have felt these past years. After my second bout with cancer, I did not feel much at all like going back to a job that paid pretty well, but did not satisfy me at all. After my third bout with cancer, I didn't have to worry about working, as I got laid off. It has been very hard to get a routine going or to just make a decision some days. My tastes in everything have changed, as well as my perspective about life. It has been about 19 years since I had any type of vacation. And that time 19 years ago was a day trip to Niagara Falls! I think all of us who have had major life changes and become survivors have a hard time settling back into our old routines. So much has changed that what was important then is not important now. I am still working on putting my life back together, at least having a life. I wish you well...Cindy

I have always had a 'thing' about being hired out and giving someone else control of my time. Thankfully, I was able to be a stay at home mom most of my adult life. But I still needed to enrich my days to feel like more of a contributor so I kept other women's children so they could work outside the home. And, like your family, mine was always involved in church and community related support projects. My life felt full.
I am now 'retired' and living with my disabled dad. EVERYTHING I do must be centered around his needs. I find this really confining at times, but then, like you, I ask myself 'where else would I be if not here'? And I can't come up with an answer. I think that is a clue that we are where God has put us for the time being, even though it doesn't always feel as 'rich' as we might wish. And I keep reminding myself that it could be a lot worse.

I have my own business and have a lot of contractural obligation and a responsibility to my handful of employees who count on me keeping my little company going. So throughout my treatments (which started in October 2008 and are on-going to date) I have been working every day from home on my computer. It has helped distract me from my cancer. But I think how I may feel regarding WORKING may change once I am out of treatment.

While in treatment, I need to stay close to my cancer center and oncologists, and my weeks are defined by appointments for chemo and bloodwork and (starting next week) radiation appointments. So it's been pretty easy to not mind allocating a chunk of my time between treatments to lose myself in my work. But once my radiation is over and my treatments finally END (at least for awhile), I have a feeling that I will NOT want to waste any of my precious time working. I love what I do and we can sure use the money, but I can easily see why work would be a low priority after having cancer, in the rush to start LIVING again, full steam ahead.

Because my radiation will initially be every day for 5 weeks, I've trained and authorized someone to act as "me" in my little company during April and May, so that I can have my treatment each morning and then either rest or play the rest of the day. I have a feeling that once I take this 'spring break' from working, I may never want to work again! I don't know if I can afford to do that, but I can imagine the freedom already of "no treatments AND no job";... and it sounds intoxicating!

And that one thing be - priorities. I think that is the one big gift that cancer can bring all of us - perspective on what is truly important in life. For many of us that means family and friends first and for those lucky enough to be financially secure possibly freedom to retire early even. However if I can offer one take on the 'quit your job thing', if you truly love what you do for work and are well enough to continue with it - even if you can financially make do - I would stay working. Being able to continue working not only provides the financial rewards but more importantly serves to make one feel as if they are still part of society - a productive part. So many times we survivors tend to feel apart from society for this reason or that but staying in the work force serves to keep us feeling apart of things - like our old selves. I am on the other end of the spectrum, as many of you know, my treatments were long ago and I have many after effects that keep me on disability so I have been unable to get back to the job I loved since treatments began 20 years ago. I miss the social aspect of working and the job itself, which was a creative field, where to put my creativity now usually involves finding someone to help me with this chore or that - no real creative channels like before. At times I feel as if I contribute nothing to society any longer and that isn't a good feeling at all.

Even without illness you very often hear of people who retire only to go back to some sort of work, bored out of their trees, and when I wake up every day I wish to heavan that I was healthy enough to be able to work but I can't. Like I said in the title 'so much is relative' to our situations on this topic but just thought I would throw in my 3 cents on it. Hope you all are having a 'good' day. Blessings, Blueroses.

The type of work I now do for a living is something I did for FREE, as a volunteer, for 20 years. That's how much I love what I do. So it WILL come down to priorities. I just don't know how much my priorities will change once I am out of treatment and need to re-define my life once again as a survivor. I guess I'll just have to see when I come out on the other side of this tunnel and into the light again. (PLEASE let me make it out of the tunnel!!)

having recently retired I have a severe pay cut but I do not care. I have everything that I need and time is much more precious then money. I enjoy sitting out in my back yard or on the porch. Having the windows open and smelling spring. Money can't buy that! Hugs, Pnktopaz

Wow......I turned 48 last week (Yeah april 1st) I am ready willing and able toi go back to work........But nobody has contacted me, Should I follow up or am I bugging them?.....I am more than qualified to run any garden centre and I have dropped my resume off at a few........no response as yet, OK I know they dont open until the may 24 weekend but what do I do for the best????????

Any Imput appreciated. Thanks Jxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tasha,

A friend worked for a garden center for a commercial nursery until she inquired about a greenhouse position with the University of Chicago, which she received and has been happily employed with for nearly two decades! Having a University of Chicago e-mail address ain't too shabby either!

I understand more schools are "going green" now and should be in need of experts like you.

Good Luck!

Rick

I think that you should follow up on any place that you want to work. Times are hard right now and May is just around the corner. Being assertive shows that you really want to work for whomever... and Your followup may just set you apart from others looking for work... also by the way happy belated birthday! Hugs, Pnktopaz

Dear Rick,
I am a 9 month survivor of cervical cancer. I have a year off my teaching job at an int'l school.
I am wondering how you returned to teaching after your cancer. (I assume you taught before.)
I am planning to return to work in sept '09 but teaching and going back to work scares me. My concerns are how to interact with students when teaching is such a "giving" job and how to interact with my colleagues again.

Anyhow, if you have any thoughts or suggestions that would help me a great deal.

Sincerely,
Rowena

Rowena,

I went back to grad school after the age of 50 to pursue a teaching certificate and a master of arts in teaching degree. It's crazy, I know, but, what the hell else was I going to do with my time?

Educatingly (sp) yours,

Rick

Hi Rick

That's amazing and inspiring at the same time! I think that i'm inspired to do the opposite as I've been teaching for 10 plus years. Time to branch into something new!

Thanks,

Rowena

I was a stay-at-home mom then when my youngest started first grade I got a part-time job, working around the hours she was in school. Over the years I got a different part-time job with more hours and then I got ovarian cancer. I continued to work during chemo and have been ever since but I don't have plans to work full-time anymore. At one time I thought that I'd get a full-time job (with benefits) when my daughter got older but that changed. I'd much rather continue working part-time (average about 29 hours a week.) I don't care about a career. I'd rather live a simple life with less stress. Spending time with my kids, taking walks, watching a good movie on my new 26" flat-screen T.V., listening to a Chris Isaak cd, reading some good books from the library in bed. Screw job benefits, I don't care anymore.

Dreamdove, I am with you on the career thing. If I could I would work part time. But, bills need to get paid. When my Mom died 2 years ago from her cancer, I went back to school. This December I will have my associate degree. I will be 55 then and starting over.I have managed to get through school even though I had breast and ovarian. So I am glad that I was able to do this. If all goes well, I will be able to stay and work from home doing medical transcription. It is a job to pay the bills. That is all. I no longer care to get ahead in a job. I don't need tons of money. I just need time. Time to enjoy , like you, my TV or my music or just taking a walk. Cindy

Hello Rowena

I am a disabled elementary school teacher. I had been dx in 2003 with throat cancer. I also have a Masters' degree in Counseling Psychology. I thought I would leave teaching and pursue a career in Counseling, but my throat gives me frequent trouble and pain. So, I am on disability and not teaching or counseling. I found my staff and students to be very welcoming, supportive, and understanding when I returned to teaching as I did for 2 years before becoming disabled. They were wonderful. Or, at least most were. Those that were not, were not before so not much changed on that front. I even wore a baseball cap for several months because I lost most of my hair. No one ever commented on it or even looked at when I spoke to them. That included the students as well. I really miss working, and especially that job. It was like a big family with great staff and wonderful students. If my throat allowed, I would even seek a position as an aide just to return to the classroom. But alas, it will not. I am on narcotics 24/7 to deal with the after effects of radiation and fatigue. So, don't worry about your staff or students I am sure you will be welcomed back with open arms. Just watch out for the physical limitations TX may have caused.
Good Luck
Pete

at the petty nonsense that the people at work seem to think is important? If others could only realize that, compared with life and death issues, their concerns really are small and insignificant.

Love and Courage!

Rick

one of the best things a doctor told me was, you will have to work on the new you, and the new normal for you.
when i wrote the start of this rant of not wanting to work way back when. i didn't know what all would change. a lot has changed, and is still changing. i still hate work, but those bills keep coming. things that have changed for me in the past few months; food taste, still love pizza but most other food choices have changed, color of clothes, music, not tolerent of foolish people, but more compassion for those hurting, stay up as late as i can, eat less, more hugs, listen better, dealt with anger issues, love my wife more, more care free, but if it's important i can focus better now.
it is a balancing act at times because my life balance is seeking a new normal. i enjoyed adventure before. this is exciting because it is all new. prayers and love, tony

I have followed this post from the beginning, and I feel the same way you do. When I was diagnosed in Nov2007, I continued working. I had my surgery in Dec and in Jan 2008 started my six months of chemo, finishing in June 2008. I worked thruout it all, just working less hours, and I'm still working less hours. I still enjoy what I do but I have a different outlook about working, along with many other things. I too have differnt tastes in food, have no tolerance or foolish people,dealt with things I was angry about, and find myself staying up later than I did before.

People tell me I look like my old self again but even though I feel better, I don't feel like the old me. I feel like a new old me and it's an adjustment but I'm getting used to the new me! I think we just take a step back and realize what's really important in life and we stop taking these things for granted.

Enjoy the new old you and the adventure you're on! :-)