Mar 30, 2009 - 5:06 pm
I didn't get chemo again today. My platelets were normal this time, but the WBC had dropped to 2.1. He said they were not at a dangerous level if I were to acquire an infection right now. However, if he were to give me chemo, they would drop to a dangerous level and that it just wasn't safe. Also, my RBC dropped a little more. What I don't understand is that he told me next Monday before I have my lab drawn again to walk briskly around the parking lot a few times to get my heart pumping and the blood circulating. He said that I need to start eating better and exercising more. I have lost 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I just don't understand... I am eating better, healthier meals than I have in the last 7 months since this all started and I quit weight watchers! This last week I have also been more active and even took the trip to St. Louis for my Grandmother's birthday. I am exhausted all of the time, I can't get enough sleep. I'm even sleeping through the night most of the time which is unusual for me. I guess he is saying I am not pushing myself hard enough. I get a little angry and frustrated and maybe that is what he wants from me so I will push harder. It is hard to sit there and listen to everything you are doing wrong when you feel so physically, mentally and emotionally drained. What gets me is those doctors can say whatever they want, but they don't know how it feels. I am 39 years old, I'm tired, I'm either hot or cold all of the time. I could care less about sex (not normal at 39), I'm bald and I have gained 30 pounds!! Last July, I was a healthy 39 year old woman, now I can't even walk up and down the street without panting. Sorry if this upsets anyone, I just needed to get this all off my chest and you girls seem to be the only ones who can truly understand. I guess I am just having a pity party and need to get over it.