worried about self/behaving like anorexic
I had similar responses to other parts of the bc journey: there were other things that were out of my control. For example, at one point I had fluid build up after my mastectomy and was very worried when this would go away. I was very anxious about this as well, but finally the bluid up did go away and I was able to calm down. But this is different: I can't 'make' my hair grow back. I do have a plan to get a hairpiece in 6 months if it doesn't get better, and I am seeing a therapist about all this. Believe it or not, I AM a therapist! (I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker by profession). My daughter tries to comfort me and tells me, "Mommy, don't worry: if your hair doesn't grow back, they can still make you look beautiful with a hairpiece."
Has anyone else experienced such severe control issues (not necessarily about hair) with their body? I feel very alone, despite all the wonderful support I get from this board.
Thanks.
Ohilly
Comments
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Yes, Ohilly. You have
Yes, Ohilly. You have described it very well. My control issues have taken the role of healthy eating. I am now vegan, drink this nasty stuff called Kombuchu, don't eat sugar, do yoga etc. I am aware that I am setting this healthy lifestyle up as a desire to control my life when it felt like I was only a victim. But hey, as they say, if this is a crutch then we are all cripples. We all need to feel like we are shapers of our lives.
By the way, no one can make you beautiful OR take that away from you. You are beautiful. And it is high time that your hair start proclaiming what is truly inside you - beauty. So the rest of this letter is to O'hilly's hair. Hair, start growing! Get your act together! You'd better realize how lucky you are to be a part of O'hilly.
Best wishes gorgeous! love, Joyce0 -
ha haJoycelouise said:Yes, Ohilly. You have
Yes, Ohilly. You have described it very well. My control issues have taken the role of healthy eating. I am now vegan, drink this nasty stuff called Kombuchu, don't eat sugar, do yoga etc. I am aware that I am setting this healthy lifestyle up as a desire to control my life when it felt like I was only a victim. But hey, as they say, if this is a crutch then we are all cripples. We all need to feel like we are shapers of our lives.
By the way, no one can make you beautiful OR take that away from you. You are beautiful. And it is high time that your hair start proclaiming what is truly inside you - beauty. So the rest of this letter is to O'hilly's hair. Hair, start growing! Get your act together! You'd better realize how lucky you are to be a part of O'hilly.
Best wishes gorgeous! love, Joyce
Joyce, you made my day! I liked how you told my hair to get its act together!
I think I will feel better after I see the dermatologist which is next week. At least (hopefully) I'll have some information. I did go for a hair style consultation and have an appt. to get my hair lightened in 2 weeks.
I was just thinking about the issue of body and control generally: it seems like it must affect all of us in some way. When I think of all that has happened to my poor body since January of last year when I was diagnosed, no wonder I am now obsessing about and trying to control my hair.
By the way (I know this from some of your previous posts), I'm Jewish, too. I think it's part of the Jewish psyche to obsess (you don't have to agree).
Ohilly0 -
OH, but I do. Agree ANDohilly said:ha ha
Joyce, you made my day! I liked how you told my hair to get its act together!
I think I will feel better after I see the dermatologist which is next week. At least (hopefully) I'll have some information. I did go for a hair style consultation and have an appt. to get my hair lightened in 2 weeks.
I was just thinking about the issue of body and control generally: it seems like it must affect all of us in some way. When I think of all that has happened to my poor body since January of last year when I was diagnosed, no wonder I am now obsessing about and trying to control my hair.
By the way (I know this from some of your previous posts), I'm Jewish, too. I think it's part of the Jewish psyche to obsess (you don't have to agree).
Ohilly
OH, but I do. Agree AND obsess. AND I am pretty good at laying on the Jewish guilt which is why I spoke directly to your hair : ) love Joyce0 -
Ohiily
Grow Ohiily's hair GROW!!!MAYBE IF WE ALL PRAY OR DO A RAIN DANCE!! To tell you the truth i was a little jealous of your hair postings and thought if only i had that much hair. i am bald as a que ball. Not saying that you shouldn't be concerned with the thin spots but i am praying for you that it will all grow back in beautifully and just like your fluid drainage you will have nothing to worry about.
I think control is a big issue with all of us just as i Hate gaining weight from the steroids. We really have had no control from the start or we would not have the demon barking up our backs. I try to give it up to God as He is the one who knows every hair on our heads and the final control. But then again God helps those who helps themselves so we do whatever we can to make ourselves look and feel good. Your beauty does come from within and i am sure that the people that love you like we do, only see that inner beauty (esp. that sweet girl of yours).
When all that beautiful hair grows in i hope you post lots of pics of your progress. And if it doesn't lots of pics of how beautiful you look in your hair-piece. My best to you
Hugs
Jackie0 -
thanksrjjj said:Ohiily
Grow Ohiily's hair GROW!!!MAYBE IF WE ALL PRAY OR DO A RAIN DANCE!! To tell you the truth i was a little jealous of your hair postings and thought if only i had that much hair. i am bald as a que ball. Not saying that you shouldn't be concerned with the thin spots but i am praying for you that it will all grow back in beautifully and just like your fluid drainage you will have nothing to worry about.
I think control is a big issue with all of us just as i Hate gaining weight from the steroids. We really have had no control from the start or we would not have the demon barking up our backs. I try to give it up to God as He is the one who knows every hair on our heads and the final control. But then again God helps those who helps themselves so we do whatever we can to make ourselves look and feel good. Your beauty does come from within and i am sure that the people that love you like we do, only see that inner beauty (esp. that sweet girl of yours).
When all that beautiful hair grows in i hope you post lots of pics of your progress. And if it doesn't lots of pics of how beautiful you look in your hair-piece. My best to you
Hugs
Jackie
Jackie, that's really sweet of you. I don't know what I would do without this board. Actually, I feel I need a little "in-person" support, so I have an appointment to become a new member at Gilda's Club. Have any of you done this (Gilda's Club)?
Ohilly0 -
hi ohillyohilly said:thanks
Jackie, that's really sweet of you. I don't know what I would do without this board. Actually, I feel I need a little "in-person" support, so I have an appointment to become a new member at Gilda's Club. Have any of you done this (Gilda's Club)?
Ohilly
I live so far from anywhere but this wound interesting. What is Gilda's Club?
hugs Jackie0 -
Wow! Now you've reallyohilly said:thanks
Jackie, that's really sweet of you. I don't know what I would do without this board. Actually, I feel I need a little "in-person" support, so I have an appointment to become a new member at Gilda's Club. Have any of you done this (Gilda's Club)?
Ohilly
Wow! Now you've really impressed me. Glida's Clubs aren't everywhere. I've looked at the website a couple years ago. Maybe I should recheck to see if there is one in this area. www.gildasclub.org.0 -
Control
Ohilly,
I so understand the need to control after all of the chaos and loss of cancer and its treatment. I think I would obsess, too. I am still in treatment, but I am already eating "anti cancer" foods, planning on hiring a trainer in a few months, planning my future hair styles and all the new outfits I will buy to go with it. How is that for control? My plans may not all work out as I hope, but the process of preparing for the future is some comfort. You don't want any vestiges of the awful beast to linger. Of course you don't. I think you have it under control because you recognize what is going on. You will get to the point where you no longer focus on your hair so much, either because the issues resolve themselves, or you get tired of it.
I think your hair will thicken in time. Most people's do. Otherwise, the hairpiece is a good idea. Also, have you thought about an herbal supplement known to be good for hair growth? I've heard that primrose oil may help in this area. But please check with a knowledgeable health professional on the safety of using such a product.
Mimi0 -
Your Outlook
OHilly, I wish there was something I could do to make your hair grow. I think almost all of us worry about our bodies after we have something major happen, such as cancer. I was always the one who did the right things...did not smoke, drink, avoided salt and preservatives and such, got lots of exercise. And I still got cancer...three kinds. It is heredity for me. Do I still watch myself...well, to a point. I don't care about the scars...I think of them as battle scars. And from now on I eat pretty much what I want, even if it is in moderation. I guess the point I am trying to make is that we can only control so much in our lives, in our bodies. Do what you feel you must for yourself. Then talk it out with someone. Then maybe you have to learn to let go and just be whatever way you are. I think the pics of you showed a lady of beauty. Honestly, I would not think of looking at your "bald spots" if I met you on the street somewhere.I see someone who is beautiful. And from your posts, I see someone who is beautiful on the inside as well. I am sorry you are struggling so much with this. And I wish you well. Please let OHilly's hair grow in beautiful, thick and soft, God. And please let her see herself the way you see her...a woman of beauty, both inside and out. Hugs, Cindy0 -
All I can say...
all i can say because i have never had cancer but i have struggled with self image issues is that its all about your thoughts and how you feel. no matter how much others tell you that you look great that the hair isnt important or that you'll get through this, none of that positive talk matters unless you believe it yourself. try when looking in the mirror for the positive things like a little more hair or other positive atributes on your body, maybe try looking at positive things in your life like your daughter making an effort to make you happy or being alive despite your unfortunate encounter with cancer. it helps. love yourself.
like i said i have never had cancer but i struggle with self image and my mom has cancer so thats my advice as a teen
hope it helps
i wish you the best
Jean0 -
Hi MarciaMarcia527 said:Wow! Now you've really
Wow! Now you've really impressed me. Glida's Clubs aren't everywhere. I've looked at the website a couple years ago. Maybe I should recheck to see if there is one in this area. www.gildasclub.org.
I googled it and there are none in MT. bummer! Thanks anyway
jackie0 -
Gilda's clubrjjj said:hi ohilly
I live so far from anywhere but this wound interesting. What is Gilda's Club?
hugs Jackie
Gilda's club was named after the comedian, Gilda Radner, who died of ovarian cancer, but it's for all types of cancer survivors. Basically it's a free club for cancer survivors: they have support groups, social activities, potluck dinners, yoga, etc. After I go I will try to post on this website about it to let you know if I like it. Someone else just below this post posted the website.
Ohilly0 -
Jeanjshew17 said:All I can say...
all i can say because i have never had cancer but i have struggled with self image issues is that its all about your thoughts and how you feel. no matter how much others tell you that you look great that the hair isnt important or that you'll get through this, none of that positive talk matters unless you believe it yourself. try when looking in the mirror for the positive things like a little more hair or other positive atributes on your body, maybe try looking at positive things in your life like your daughter making an effort to make you happy or being alive despite your unfortunate encounter with cancer. it helps. love yourself.
like i said i have never had cancer but i struggle with self image and my mom has cancer so thats my advice as a teen
hope it helps
i wish you the best
Jean
Jean, thanks for your kind words. One of the good things that has come out of what happened to me is all the wonderful, supportive people I've met, whether in person or online.
Give my best to your Mom, and tell her I'm rooting for her!
Ohilly0 -
Hair and Control
What a delima. Control is quit the issue for all of us since BC removes our control and puts our trust in physicians. As for hair, well that is a complete different issue. One: eating good balanced meals is primary in getting your body back in balance. Plenty of vitamins, protein, veggies, you know the routine. Two: Have dermotologist check your thyroid levels. Low thyroid has a lot to do with thinning hair. I was having a hair thinning issue, which really bugged me. Did a lot of reading to find out why, had thyroid levels checked, added an Iodine suppliment to my diet. Hair is doing a lot better after 6 months of Iodine suppliment. Also, when you rub or message your scalp, does it move or wrinkle freely, or is it tight with little movement? If your scalp moves freely with message your in good shape, if tight and doesn't move freely have your daughter give you scalp messages to relax you. The more flexable your scalp the more blood gets to your hair folicals which helps your hair grow. Hang in there, it does get better.0 -
I hadn't seen a post fromScotch Freckles said:Hair and Control
What a delima. Control is quit the issue for all of us since BC removes our control and puts our trust in physicians. As for hair, well that is a complete different issue. One: eating good balanced meals is primary in getting your body back in balance. Plenty of vitamins, protein, veggies, you know the routine. Two: Have dermotologist check your thyroid levels. Low thyroid has a lot to do with thinning hair. I was having a hair thinning issue, which really bugged me. Did a lot of reading to find out why, had thyroid levels checked, added an Iodine suppliment to my diet. Hair is doing a lot better after 6 months of Iodine suppliment. Also, when you rub or message your scalp, does it move or wrinkle freely, or is it tight with little movement? If your scalp moves freely with message your in good shape, if tight and doesn't move freely have your daughter give you scalp messages to relax you. The more flexable your scalp the more blood gets to your hair folicals which helps your hair grow. Hang in there, it does get better.
I hadn't seen a post from ohilly in so long, and I was pleasantly surprised to see she had posted~ only she didn't recently post! The original thread is from March of 2009!LOL
Since that time ohilly has posted pictures of her hair!0 -
The scammer Edward pulled itchenheart said:I hadn't seen a post from
I hadn't seen a post from ohilly in so long, and I was pleasantly surprised to see she had posted~ only she didn't recently post! The original thread is from March of 2009!LOL
Since that time ohilly has posted pictures of her hair!
The scammer Edward Hecked pulled it up with a bad link to click on. I flagged it for Greta to delete.0 -
Dateschenheart said:I hadn't seen a post from
I hadn't seen a post from ohilly in so long, and I was pleasantly surprised to see she had posted~ only she didn't recently post! The original thread is from March of 2009!LOL
Since that time ohilly has posted pictures of her hair!
After I posted I noticed the date too. Hope she is really enjoying her hair these days though.0 -
I Feel Ya Girl!
I am a recovering Anorexic and yes all of the Breast Cancer crappola has definitely brought the control freak in me out. I have had real issues with eating during this entire process. It was especially helpful when my oncologist, with whom I had shared my anorexic history with, was chastising me for my weight loss during chemo said, "I know you have a hard time with eating but you just have to get over it!" Wow, just get over it...why didn't someone say that to me when I was like fourteen. Just think of all the heartache that could have been avoided...
At any rate, of course you want control at a time when thing couldn't be more out of control. Try to find something constructive to feed this need...volunteer at a Food Bank or a Fuller Center home build, or at a Senior Center. You can affect a change for the better and that will give a postive sense of the control and impact we can all have.
By the way...the whole getting really thin thing...it makes your hair fall out...been there...so I would strongly advise against it....since that's not the look you, or any of us, are going for...lol0 -
Not all anerotics theirMerleBee said:I Feel Ya Girl!
I am a recovering Anorexic and yes all of the Breast Cancer crappola has definitely brought the control freak in me out. I have had real issues with eating during this entire process. It was especially helpful when my oncologist, with whom I had shared my anorexic history with, was chastising me for my weight loss during chemo said, "I know you have a hard time with eating but you just have to get over it!" Wow, just get over it...why didn't someone say that to me when I was like fourteen. Just think of all the heartache that could have been avoided...
At any rate, of course you want control at a time when thing couldn't be more out of control. Try to find something constructive to feed this need...volunteer at a Food Bank or a Fuller Center home build, or at a Senior Center. You can affect a change for the better and that will give a postive sense of the control and impact we can all have.
By the way...the whole getting really thin thing...it makes your hair fall out...been there...so I would strongly advise against it....since that's not the look you, or any of us, are going for...lol
Not all anerotics loose their hair! Mom was an anerotic for as long as I could remember and she had fantastic hair.
Eating was a big problem for me on chemo - not as a control issue but rather I had absolutely no appetite. It still is today but not to the degree that it was. I can eat a meal now and I will notice the time and eat though not hungry at the time. I lost 40 lbs during chemo and 5 during rads and have been able to hold the weight since the end of rads - had no nausea with either set of chemo or with rads - just no appetite. It really got to Hubby - he saw/lived with the last 4 years of Mom's life and there was no way he wanted me to go through what it does.
Thoughts and prayers for you and your fighting the big 'A' - it is an uphill battle. AND for your family.
Susan0
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