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feeling so lonely

Bluestar's picture
Bluestar
Posts: 4
Joined: Jan 2005

March 5, 2009

Hello, my name is Heather and my husband had postate cancer at age 45. The surgery was no problem. He was singing to the nurses the next day. (not so much a good thing :o)

PSA kept rising. So 37x rad next. This burnt his internal organs and he has been in internal massage for 5 years. He's lost his quality of life. The past 2 years he's been in bed.

He is extremely positive and I pray he will recover enough to enjoy the patio this spring.

I miss him dearly, just the usual daily conversations. He is so tired. I hope this sleep is re-energizing him.

Between the meds and the extreme pain his body fights every day, I am in awe of his drive to continue his fight.

The world is a different place when their is illness in the family. The whole dynamic with friends and family change..........I understand, but it does leave me lonely some times
This site gives me the humor and support to see the positive, and carry on.

((((((((hugs))))))))
Heather

slickwilly's picture
slickwilly
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

Hi Heather. I am sorry. Most people here can relate to the side effects of cancer treatment. But your husband is at the severe end of the scale. In fact this is the first time I have heard of this happening. Many of us have side effects from radiation and I was left with scar tissue in my sinus. Later my spine started to degenerate and they could not repair it. Having gone through cancer and eventually ending up on disability I can understand the effects on the family. It was never something we thought about in our younger years. I can't imagine being in your shoes with your daily struggles. I ended up with pain that I can manage and deal with on a daily basis. But the majority of things I did before cancer I can't do now. So it has been a matter of learning new things that I can do and living within the limits of my pain. Even at that I offered my wife an out if she wanted it as I cared for her enough to let her go and have a normal life. She stayed and I try to make the best out of each day. I hope your able to get out with friends and family and get some needed breaks. Everyone has their limits. I also hope your husband treats you with respect and appreciates what you are doing for him. Its easy to get wrapped in ourselves when we are in pain. I hope your husband is able to become mobile again and get some of his and your life back. Hugs to you Slickwilly

green50
Posts: 318
Joined: Feb 2008

Heather sorry for what you and your husband are going thru. Its tough. Yes you need a break even if its a short one. Go with family or friends to get a break. I have cancer myself and I said even if chemo makes me tired I am going off for a day or something. Wish your husban was able to go somewhere even in a wheel chair. But regardless you too need a break. I hope and pray everything goes better for you both. Your a wonderful person to take care of him.
Prayers and A Big Hug
Sandy

Cindy54's picture
Cindy54
Posts: 454
Joined: Aug 2006

Heather, your words are so positive. I have read the posts from spouses who are caring for each other, and the pain is hard to read about at times. I was a caregiver to my Mom, and I can so relate to the lonely times. We all long for the ways of life we had. And there are those around us who simply cannot cope with what they see us going through. So they leave. Everyone has their own way of coping. I wish I could take away some of the pain you feel. But you are among friends here, and at times no one knows just what we are going through or feeling like those of us here. I send you the biggest HUG I have. Please keep posting. Cindy

fez1
Posts: 47
Joined: Jul 2006

Everyone, I am a caregiver to my husband who is 52 and has stage 4 colon cancer since July 2005. I am usually very hopeful and upbeat. But now, I finally feel very down, sort of like, will this ever be over? I know in my head that a cure is not possible but I yearn for an extended period of time that my husband has no evidence of disease. I am weary of cancer. I need a break but there is none in sight. I want just a little more time with him like he was before cancer. My family and friends have been wonderful but I need more- more understanding or help or something. I think that I may need counseling but I'm resisting it. Anyway, thanks for listening. You guys know exactly what I mean.
Take care.
Carol

green50
Posts: 318
Joined: Feb 2008

Its hard to go through what you are dealing with I know. I have cancer plus took care of my husband who had stage 4 lung cancer. He lived a year and a half then gave up at age 54. Its hard to be upbeat all the time. And its exhausting. I know what you mean wanting that time when they're not sick to share again. If you can take a break and go do something on your own for a day or whatever to get that break it may help. And who knows miracles do happen. I have been fighting for 7 years and taking chemo off and on only making me tired. But I remember My husbands words Make it simple and one day at a time. I think counseling would help you. In my cancer center they have it for the family as well as the patient. This is not easy to deal with and it may help to talk to a counselor. I hope and pray you get some kind of relief. And know that you are not alone. My prayers and Hugs to you.
Sandy

fez1
Posts: 47
Joined: Jul 2006

It helps so much to hear that from you. You will be in my prayers for your own recovery.
Carol

Sunflower's picture
Sunflower
Posts: 12
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi Carol,
Gosh, I can really relate to what you're saying. My husband also has Stage 4 colon cancer. Please don't resist counseling. I know it's one more appointment, one more thing to drag your tired, overwhelmed body to--at least that's how I feel sometimes, but it does help. Talk to your doctor about anti-depressants if you haven't already. There's no shame in either of those things. We need to do what we can to survive and manage through all of this.

It's hard...I know there have been weekends when I'm able to get away and I need that so that I can come back re-charged, but then I feel guilty for leaving him behind. My husband isn't able to go on lengthy car rides and his physical strength is gone. I was upset earlier today because I too miss those things that we were once able to do and it is very hard to stay positive about something so negative.

Know that you're not alone. You have us, we understand where each other is coming from. Call and make an appointment for counseling and keep posting.

You get BIG hug from me too! :)
Liz

Sunflower's picture
Sunflower
Posts: 12
Joined: Jul 2008

Heather,
Hang in there. That's advice that I need to hear too. It saddens me to know how many of us are hurting in the same way, but it's also comforting to know that we're not alone. My husband sleeps a lot too and there are some days that I just seem to wander around the house alone or spend time on the computer. Lately I've been sleeping more too. At night I can't seem to shut my brain down and then I'm so exhausted during the day so I sleep. I really hate this cycle that I'm in right now and I know it's not good for me. Like you said, the world really is a different place when there's illness in the family.

Take care,
Liz

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