My Dad was diagnosed with High Grade salivary gland cancer. He is 75. He also has Parkinson's Disease, and I know the results of that disease are not pleasant at all, to say the very least. He is not going to have treatment for this cancer, and has not gone back to a doctor to find anything more out, and does not plan to. The rest of my family and I are kind of lost, not really knowing what is coming, how soon it's coming, or how much longer we have with him. My brother thinks he doesn't owe it to us to find out. I, however, am the closest one to him, emotionally and geographically and have lived with him since I was 16 and my parents divorced. I am now 41. I think finding out what's going on would help this family that is so very dysfunctional in every way. How do I get rid of this feeling like I've been punched in the gut?
I am married and have two kids, so I am not still hanging out at Daddy's house or anything, but he's been such a huge part of my life that the thought of losing him devastates me. He, on the other hand, has completely shut me out. He won't answer emails, or call or anything. He really just wants to die and I think he is closing down on us and is just going to wait to die. It makes me wonder if he loves me-I've always been there for him to talk to, to listen to, but he will not respond in any way now. What do I do? Do I step back and wait for him to come back? What if I don't get to say goodbye? Does this mean he doesn't love me? I thought he did, but the man wants to die. He pays no attention to my kids, or my brother's kids. I'm hurting and I want to SCREAM at him to let me in, but he won't. At all. Am I wrong? SHould I just let him go? I've asked him twice to see an oncologist, not for treatment but to get a better idea of what is happening. I keep blaming myself, thinking if I were better somehow he'd want to stick around, but the man wants to die. HELP?