Feb 25, 2009 - 8:27 am
Hey guys. I'm brand new to the site. I've just been diagnosed two weeks ago with small cell lung cancer. If it wasn't already extensively metastasized I think I might be coping better, but both my doctors and ever resource I've found have given me about a 40% chance of surviving to see five years from now. Yesterday afternoon just gave me the news that it has already spread to my lymph nodes, rib bone, brain stem, and intestinal tract. I suppose it explains why I've had migraines this past year. Only being twenty two years old my doctor was as shocked as I was to see it this far advanced. I don't even really know how I'm reacting. It's just barely sinking in past the surface that I'm probably going to die. Hate to put it this way, but I suppose it's my lot for starting to smoke at 12. I'm glad I'm a very spiritual person. It's given me the one crutch I have to fall back on. I just get the feeling that, as much as I consider the three friends I have told to be closer than any family I've had, they don't understand this at all. Hell, I don't, but it's making me feel I have to push the four closest people in my life away and I still have no clue how to break this to my fiance or parents... HELP!!! I don't know how to do this... I've never done this dying thing before. (Sorry, the slight morbid sense of humor is all that's keeping me sane right now) I've spent my entire life in school for nursing, now those dreams are quite possibly never going to be anything but dreams. I just feel like... what was the point of everything up to this point?