Bad Day

Mikes Sunshine
Mikes Sunshine Member Posts: 129
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
HI Friends,I am having a string of bad days. I had my first Chemo injection last Friday. I didn't vomit once, I should be greatful huh. Then how come I feel so down in the dumps. I did call the Cancer Center today, they told me that because I am pre-menopausal the chemo is reacking havock on my hormones. I can't seem to stop crying. I feel soweek and tired. they told me I had to force myself to get up and take a shower and get out. They swear it will make me feel better. Well I dragged myself out of that bed and did take a shower. Going out for a ride in the car as they sugested is not happenening. I wouldn't trust myself behind the wheel. I did get dressed and went outside. i LIVE NEAR Boston and it is 50 degrees today. All i DID was walk up and down my driveway. I timed it on my cell phone, 5 minutes was all I could do. I guess they were right because at least I got on the computer I have been thinking of all of you so much but couldn't get up the energy to get on before now. I am sorry I am ranting away. I keep thinking if I am this down now how will I get thru the rest of the treatment. Moopy I just saw your picture and I love your new hair! I am so worried about Mimi. I still didn't see any postings from her. Again I am sorry for ranting I guess this what they call a pitty party. thanks for listening. Love, Nancy
«1

Comments

  • creampuff91344
    creampuff91344 Member Posts: 988
    Nancy, I don't post on the
    Nancy, I don't post on the board much, but your story really struck a cord. We all go through times of being down, and the best thing I can say is that the women on this board have been my saving grace through most of my down times. I don't always respond to posts, mainly because there are such eloquent writers here, and they seem to answer questions the same as I would. Just know that any time you are down, the advice from your doctor does work....get up and get out, even if it is just to sit in the sunshine. Also, any time you need to talk, there is someone here that is willing to lend a hand and give great big hugs. Hope your day brightens up a bit...I will be thinking of you.

    Judy
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    It will get Better
    Oh, Nancy, I hate that you are having such a bad time. I can tell you in my experience the second round went much better. I bet yours will, too. I would think something could be for your symptoms, though. Maybe our sisters here will have some ideas. In the meantime, it will get better. You know how they say take it one day at a time? With my first chemo, I was trying for an hour, even minutes at a time. I would say to myself you will get through this. Didn't relieve the misery, but reminded me this too shall pass.

    Thanks for the compliment on my hair. My hair stylist told me firmly that most people won't know it's a wig and that I should think of it as my hair, just a temporary hairstyle. Still working on that one.

    I am terribly worried, too, about Mimi. She posted from her infusion on 01/02, and that was the last we've heard. She had said she would ask her oncologist lots of questions (we are bot triple negative) and get back to me. You know she would do that if something were not happening. I am just praying for her and checking for posts.

    You hang in there, ok? It will get better, and you will make it through every last treatment. And we are all entitled to a pity party sometimes. Who else understands better than us here?

    I am praying for you, Nancy. We all need Mike's Sunshine.
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    sweet Nancy
    I am so sorry you are going through rough times. Are you taking something for depression? I know i have been. Developed lymphodemia in my left arm and it hurts, along with the fatigue. It seems like in my mind i plan to do these things..get up and out of the house etc. and sometimes my body doesn't agree. Last night i couldn't sleep and was dwelling on the worst scenerios. I cried and guess i was grieving. It is normal to feel sad after what we have went through/are going through. I am glad you posted. I look forward to your posts you are such a sweetheart. You are in my prayers.

    Moopy, Nancy is right you are just darling (as usual in your new pic.) and i am also wondering about Mimi.

    I hope all of your days will get better. This is my prayer for all of us. Remember you are a very special, sweet gal AND Mike's sunshine. We will be survivors!!!!!!!!!

    Hugs to you,
    Jackie
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    Moopy23 said:

    It will get Better
    Oh, Nancy, I hate that you are having such a bad time. I can tell you in my experience the second round went much better. I bet yours will, too. I would think something could be for your symptoms, though. Maybe our sisters here will have some ideas. In the meantime, it will get better. You know how they say take it one day at a time? With my first chemo, I was trying for an hour, even minutes at a time. I would say to myself you will get through this. Didn't relieve the misery, but reminded me this too shall pass.

    Thanks for the compliment on my hair. My hair stylist told me firmly that most people won't know it's a wig and that I should think of it as my hair, just a temporary hairstyle. Still working on that one.

    I am terribly worried, too, about Mimi. She posted from her infusion on 01/02, and that was the last we've heard. She had said she would ask her oncologist lots of questions (we are bot triple negative) and get back to me. You know she would do that if something were not happening. I am just praying for her and checking for posts.

    You hang in there, ok? It will get better, and you will make it through every last treatment. And we are all entitled to a pity party sometimes. Who else understands better than us here?

    I am praying for you, Nancy. We all need Mike's Sunshine.

    A Me Day
    Nancy,
    I am sorry you are having a down day. With all you are going through, it is going to happen. Your hormones are being assaulted, you have cancer, you are doing treatment, all that stuff just piles up sometimes. And yes, getting up and out and exercise can help. Before I ever had cancer I would have ME DAYS. A friend told me about them. They are a day. It could be once a week, once a month whatever when you do exactly what you want. For her it was genealogy. She would not answer the door, the phone and she would just do her research. She did them when her kids were in school and I was her school contact person that day. She did this one day a week. We all knew not to call or bother (barring a crisis) her. She said it was good for her soul. I started doing them once a month and she was my contact for my daughter. For me it was a 1/2 day at a spa. Massage, manicure, pedicure, facial. It was glorious. So when I got cancer the first time I did ME DAYS but they were different. Sometimes it involved my hubby, a friend, relative or me alone but the day was mine. We did exactly what I wanted, shopping, sleeping, spa, crying whatever but it was about me. They were sporadic. Not as often as daily but more than monthly. I would just tell them that I needed the day for me. One day I remember asking my husband to just go out for the day (which was good for him too) and I sat and wept and ranted and got mad at the world but after I felt better. Another time it was a trip to the zoo. I rode the merry go round and train that I had ridden as a child. I know that with treatments going places can be hard but on those good days, think about something you really want to do and do it. And know that we all have our pity parties and that's okay.
    ANd Moopy, your hair looks adorable. I would never have known it was a wig if I hadn't seen the before picture. It is a good quality and very flattering.
    To all my sisters and brothers, I hope that each day is a little brighter, a little better and filled with peace.

    Stef
  • Derbygirl
    Derbygirl Member Posts: 198
    Hope your bad days are fewer
    Hope your bad days are fewer and far between as times goes on. It's a difficult time during chemo from being exhausted to feeling sick to being anxious to worrying about everything. I found that a distraction or something to keep me busy helped keep me from thinking about b.c. all of the time. It also helped to visit this network 24/7 especially when I didn't want to get out of my robe and fuzzy slippers. Be sure to drink lots of water, eat small, frequent meals and rest often and hopefully you will feel better soon.
  • peggy65
    peggy65 Member Posts: 100
    Derbygirl said:

    Hope your bad days are fewer
    Hope your bad days are fewer and far between as times goes on. It's a difficult time during chemo from being exhausted to feeling sick to being anxious to worrying about everything. I found that a distraction or something to keep me busy helped keep me from thinking about b.c. all of the time. It also helped to visit this network 24/7 especially when I didn't want to get out of my robe and fuzzy slippers. Be sure to drink lots of water, eat small, frequent meals and rest often and hopefully you will feel better soon.

    i am so sorry about your bad
    i am so sorry about your bad day. all of us have had bad days that have PUT US INTO A MAJOR FUNK. remember tomorrow is another day. chemo is tough. it is perfectly normal for you to have days like this. i support you 100%. hope you are feeling better tomorrow. love peggy
  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    good advice
    you have gotten good advice from others. I would add this: I hope you have someone who has asked you "what can I do to help?" Days like this are when you should let them know. Call and ask for whatever you feel like you need. Let them help you have a "me day". If you don't have the energy to call someone, make a list of stuff you wish you had and call them when you feel a little better...maybe you wish you had something to eat or drink, maybe you wish you had a good movie to watch or a good book to read, maybe a book on tape if you are not up to reading. Maybe you could get someone to drive for you to take you to sit in a park, or even to drive through the park and watch other people sitting there. Any change of scenery and a little fresh air can help. If you don't have someone you know to call, try the local ACS, they have folks who can help with things like this. One day I sat in front of the mirror and gave myself makeovers...with no hair, eyebrows, or eyelashes I had a new look whether I wanted it or not, why not experiment and be bold and daring...new colors, etc? Some of it looked like a cross between a clown and a prostitute, but in the end I found a new look that worked. ACS can put you in touch with "Look Good, Feel Better", a group that meets just to support cancer survivors for that purpose.

    Just remember...it's temporary! Hope it gets better soon. seof
  • Aortus
    Aortus Member Posts: 967
    seof said:

    good advice
    you have gotten good advice from others. I would add this: I hope you have someone who has asked you "what can I do to help?" Days like this are when you should let them know. Call and ask for whatever you feel like you need. Let them help you have a "me day". If you don't have the energy to call someone, make a list of stuff you wish you had and call them when you feel a little better...maybe you wish you had something to eat or drink, maybe you wish you had a good movie to watch or a good book to read, maybe a book on tape if you are not up to reading. Maybe you could get someone to drive for you to take you to sit in a park, or even to drive through the park and watch other people sitting there. Any change of scenery and a little fresh air can help. If you don't have someone you know to call, try the local ACS, they have folks who can help with things like this. One day I sat in front of the mirror and gave myself makeovers...with no hair, eyebrows, or eyelashes I had a new look whether I wanted it or not, why not experiment and be bold and daring...new colors, etc? Some of it looked like a cross between a clown and a prostitute, but in the end I found a new look that worked. ACS can put you in touch with "Look Good, Feel Better", a group that meets just to support cancer survivors for that purpose.

    Just remember...it's temporary! Hope it gets better soon. seof

    Hang in there, Nancy!
    As Moopy said in her reply, the second round has gone a lot better than the first. We had a meeting with a nurse practitioner 10 days after Moopy's first infusion. Moopy basically attacked (in her polite, charming way) the nurse practitioner with questions and concerns about how her pain meds were and weren't working. I hope you get to have a meeting with your oncologist and/or nurse practitioner midway through your first round. If not, DEMAND ONE! You should *not* have to be suffering like this. Hoping all gets better, and soon!

    Joe
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    Nancy, my heart goes out to
    Nancy, my heart goes out to you. I remember clearly the total lack of energy and the emotional upheaval. I too tried to get out but I was shaky and it was during winter in northern Canada, so I didn't do too much either. It will get better as the drug dissipates from your system. Try to be patient and kind to yourself. It's quite a shock when you're used to being active but again it will pass. Thinking of you and sending you prayers and warm sunshine.
    love
    jan
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    Oh Nancy, I remember those
    Oh Nancy, I remember those days so well. There where times I couldn't get my head up off the pillow. But trust me you will feel better. This is just your hormones wreaking havoc on your body. Do try to get out when the weather is nice. It does do you good. And....rest when you're tired. Your body is fighting the battle of its life. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Thinking of you. Hugs, Lili
  • dbs1673
    dbs1673 Member Posts: 203

    Oh Nancy, I remember those
    Oh Nancy, I remember those days so well. There where times I couldn't get my head up off the pillow. But trust me you will feel better. This is just your hormones wreaking havoc on your body. Do try to get out when the weather is nice. It does do you good. And....rest when you're tired. Your body is fighting the battle of its life. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Thinking of you. Hugs, Lili

    funk
    I know we all get into these ruts. Sometimes we even know why: hearing the diagnosis, the surgery, the treatments. It's kind of a relief when there is something to make these feelings rational. The truth is there doesn't need to be a rational or logical explanation. I finished my radiation in October. I'm waiting not so patiently to get rid of the expanders and trade them in for the implants. Yesterday and today I feel I'm in an aweful funk,worse yet I don't have the feeling that tomorrow will be better or the day after that....why? no reason! I really don't want pity or everyone focused on me but there needs to be a balance to where I can say I'm not over this yet. It's like being on a merry go round that I can't get off.
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    dbs1673 said:

    funk
    I know we all get into these ruts. Sometimes we even know why: hearing the diagnosis, the surgery, the treatments. It's kind of a relief when there is something to make these feelings rational. The truth is there doesn't need to be a rational or logical explanation. I finished my radiation in October. I'm waiting not so patiently to get rid of the expanders and trade them in for the implants. Yesterday and today I feel I'm in an aweful funk,worse yet I don't have the feeling that tomorrow will be better or the day after that....why? no reason! I really don't want pity or everyone focused on me but there needs to be a balance to where I can say I'm not over this yet. It's like being on a merry go round that I can't get off.

    So sorry
    So sorry you are having a bad day, Nancy. As everyone here has said, we all go through it. I had a bad spell myself and stayed away from the boards a bit. This being sick, weak and tired just gets so damn frustrating. Who needs it? I want my old life back, and I'm sure many of us feel the same way. So rant away; it is healthy, and we are right here with you feeling the same frustration. In a way, each of us is alone with her struggles, but we can be there for each other, too.

    Not to make this thread about me, but I am sorry I made anyone here worry. I would not have stayed away had I known. Moopy, I sent you a private message about the questions I asked my doctor regarding the triple negative article. I will re-send if you didn't get it. So, for all of us having bad days, let's all hang in there. I promise I will if you will, Nancy.

    Mimi
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    Good for you
    Just wanted to add that I think it's great that you walked outside for 5 minutes. That is no small thing -- especially when all we want to do is stay in bed. I have had days on the couch, so I know! Those 5 minutes will soon turn into 10, then 15, until you are back to your old self.

    Mimi
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    mimivac said:

    Good for you
    Just wanted to add that I think it's great that you walked outside for 5 minutes. That is no small thing -- especially when all we want to do is stay in bed. I have had days on the couch, so I know! Those 5 minutes will soon turn into 10, then 15, until you are back to your old self.

    Mimi

    So glad you are back
    So glad you are back. You were missed. You are absolutely right that 5 minutes is a good start. And we all know that sometimes we need to pull away for whatever reason. Just glad you are back on. You have good insights into this and your input is always appreciated.
    Stef
  • Chellebug
    Chellebug Member Posts: 133
    Ranting has its place
    No apologies for ranting. It is a healthy way to get out all those frustrations. And I so hope you feel better today.

    I was premenapausal too and chemo was quite a shock to the system. You'll want to talk to your onc about what to do as the menapausal symptoms get worse.....hot flashes, vaginal dryness, insomnia.....it's not pleasant, BUT there are things you can do to make it not so bad.

    BTW.....5 minutes of walking on a day when you're feeling as you did is a WONDERFUL achievement.
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    So sorry
    Nancy, I am so sorry that you are feeling down and tired. I always regained some energy after the second week after each treatment. I also did a lot of crying during treatment and for about a year after. I would cry at the drop of a hat and often for no reason. I too was premenopausal and maybe your docs are right about the hormones idea. Its been almost 3 years and I'm still more emotional than I was before the cancer.

    But anyway, please know that what you are feeling is normal and we all have either been there or are going through it. We care and are here for you. You will get through this and you will be ok. I wish you did not have to go throught it at all though. Please keep us posted and perhaps tomorrow you will be able to take a bit longer of a walk. The fresh air is such a mood lifter. Take care, we love you!
  • Mikes Sunshine
    Mikes Sunshine Member Posts: 129
    Eil4186 said:

    So sorry
    Nancy, I am so sorry that you are feeling down and tired. I always regained some energy after the second week after each treatment. I also did a lot of crying during treatment and for about a year after. I would cry at the drop of a hat and often for no reason. I too was premenopausal and maybe your docs are right about the hormones idea. Its been almost 3 years and I'm still more emotional than I was before the cancer.

    But anyway, please know that what you are feeling is normal and we all have either been there or are going through it. We care and are here for you. You will get through this and you will be ok. I wish you did not have to go throught it at all though. Please keep us posted and perhaps tomorrow you will be able to take a bit longer of a walk. The fresh air is such a mood lifter. Take care, we love you!

    Thank You All
    Wow, I don't know how to respond. You are all the most amazing people. You have made me feel so much better about everything. Well to start with I am feeling better physically. It's hard to keep yourself focused on positive thoughts when you feel so lousy. Today I actually left the driveway and did a short walk with Mike maybe about 10 minutes. I am still emotional but I can see a big difference from just a day ago. That is until I got on this board and read all your beautiful words and started crying all over again. These tears were different thou, instead of sad and desperate and feeling so alone I felt so much love and such a sense of peace. I guess it's because we are all in the same boat and we do truly know how the other feels. It's kind of like when my husband Ray died and friends tried so hard to understand my pain but until you have actually lived it there is no true understanding it. I am so grateful for finding all of you.
    Mimi,I am so glad to see you back. You are right, Together we can do this. I am so sorry you have had a rough time. Please know I am here if you need me. Love, Nancy
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    fauxma said:

    So glad you are back
    So glad you are back. You were missed. You are absolutely right that 5 minutes is a good start. And we all know that sometimes we need to pull away for whatever reason. Just glad you are back on. You have good insights into this and your input is always appreciated.
    Stef

    Thanks, Stef
    It's good to be here. I'm now back to wasting time at work posting. I always know I'm feeling better when I do that.

    Mimi
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143

    Thank You All
    Wow, I don't know how to respond. You are all the most amazing people. You have made me feel so much better about everything. Well to start with I am feeling better physically. It's hard to keep yourself focused on positive thoughts when you feel so lousy. Today I actually left the driveway and did a short walk with Mike maybe about 10 minutes. I am still emotional but I can see a big difference from just a day ago. That is until I got on this board and read all your beautiful words and started crying all over again. These tears were different thou, instead of sad and desperate and feeling so alone I felt so much love and such a sense of peace. I guess it's because we are all in the same boat and we do truly know how the other feels. It's kind of like when my husband Ray died and friends tried so hard to understand my pain but until you have actually lived it there is no true understanding it. I am so grateful for finding all of you.
    Mimi,I am so glad to see you back. You are right, Together we can do this. I am so sorry you have had a rough time. Please know I am here if you need me. Love, Nancy

    Glad you are feeling better
    See, I knew you would be feeling better soon. It's so true that feeling physically ill makes us emotionally ill, too. The first few days after chemo, I always despair and think that it will never end. When I am feeling better, I have hope and optimism again. It's funny how that works. You are clearly on the mend now. Spend time with Mike and take it easy on yourself.

    Mimi
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    mimivac said:

    Thanks, Stef
    It's good to be here. I'm now back to wasting time at work posting. I always know I'm feeling better when I do that.

    Mimi

    Me too. Breaks and lunch
    Me too. Breaks and lunch mostly. By the way, cute picture, or rather pretty woman. When everyone was commenting on the new picture I still had the old one coming up but today this one is here. You are just lovely.
    Stef