CSN Login
Members Online: 4

Why them??

Pualeilani
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2009

I don't know why I'm submitting this....Maybe it's for answers, or maybe it's just to know that someone out there cares. The first time my emotions were tarnished by the word cancer, was 10 years ago when my grandmother Dorothy died of cancer in her uterus. She was a beautiful person and until her last day, she wasn't afraid of the disease...we were. I mourned her death for years and find myself still in tears remembering the radiation treatments and endless amounts of doctor visits. I agonized over the idea that my family had lost such a wonderful person to cancer. WHY!! As the years pressed on, I felt like I was going to a funeral every 2-3 months of family members lost to cancer. Uncles, Aunties, cousins, friends..... cancer in their brain, ovaries, breast, etc... It's an emotional rollercoaster ride that I wish I could get off of... In March of 2007, while celebrating my son's first birthday... my family decided to make it a big event with 400 people expected to attend!! To teach our son the gift of love and in rememberance of my grandmother, my husband and I made a donation to our local cancer research foundation and donated 15% of all monetary gifts at the party, to the foundation. It was a huge success, with our story in the newspaper and everything... Sadly, not even a week before the party we were at an Uncle's funeral who had died from Cancer. Today I just had my Aunt crying on my shoulder as we discussed finding out her niece is suffering from cancer in her ovaries. It seems like it never ends!! So many beautiful people....GONE!! I feel like running in the middle of the road yelling at the top of my lungs in total frustration. I know I should be appreciative of the fact that I'm of good health and God has blessed me greatly...but I can't help but mourn over all those who are either suffering or had died from cancer. To anyone who reads this...thanks for listening...

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

First let me welcome you to the site and glad you were able to put your feelings on paper, that's a very healthy and healing thing to do. You came to the right place to do it as well, lots of caring and understanding folks on these discussion boards, all who have dealt with cancer in one way or another so truly do understand. You will be surprised as to how many feel as you do and have thought the same things. You aren't alone. I want to also, right off the bat, extend to you my deepest sympathies for all you have lost through cancer - you really seem to have had your plate full of it - no wonder you ask why.

Why, you ask? That is a question most of us ask at one time or another, be it as cancer patients or caregivers. Why us? Why them? Why now? I suppose no one really knows the answer to that age old question and that has been debated for centuries in the past and centuries more to come for sure. I personally am a spiritual person and my faith definitely helped me to understand the whys of cancer, I am a 20 year survivor of Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. I