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Why them??

Pualeilani
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2009

I don't know why I'm submitting this....Maybe it's for answers, or maybe it's just to know that someone out there cares. The first time my emotions were tarnished by the word cancer, was 10 years ago when my grandmother Dorothy died of cancer in her uterus. She was a beautiful person and until her last day, she wasn't afraid of the disease...we were. I mourned her death for years and find myself still in tears remembering the radiation treatments and endless amounts of doctor visits. I agonized over the idea that my family had lost such a wonderful person to cancer. WHY!! As the years pressed on, I felt like I was going to a funeral every 2-3 months of family members lost to cancer. Uncles, Aunties, cousins, friends..... cancer in their brain, ovaries, breast, etc... It's an emotional rollercoaster ride that I wish I could get off of... In March of 2007, while celebrating my son's first birthday... my family decided to make it a big event with 400 people expected to attend!! To teach our son the gift of love and in rememberance of my grandmother, my husband and I made a donation to our local cancer research foundation and donated 15% of all monetary gifts at the party, to the foundation. It was a huge success, with our story in the newspaper and everything... Sadly, not even a week before the party we were at an Uncle's funeral who had died from Cancer. Today I just had my Aunt crying on my shoulder as we discussed finding out her niece is suffering from cancer in her ovaries. It seems like it never ends!! So many beautiful people....GONE!! I feel like running in the middle of the road yelling at the top of my lungs in total frustration. I know I should be appreciative of the fact that I'm of good health and God has blessed me greatly...but I can't help but mourn over all those who are either suffering or had died from cancer. To anyone who reads this...thanks for listening...

blueroses's picture
blueroses
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

First let me welcome you to the site and glad you were able to put your feelings on paper, that's a very healthy and healing thing to do. You came to the right place to do it as well, lots of caring and understanding folks on these discussion boards, all who have dealt with cancer in one way or another so truly do understand. You will be surprised as to how many feel as you do and have thought the same things. You aren't alone. I want to also, right off the bat, extend to you my deepest sympathies for all you have lost through cancer - you really seem to have had your plate full of it - no wonder you ask why.

Why, you ask? That is a question most of us ask at one time or another, be it as cancer patients or caregivers. Why us? Why them? Why now? I suppose no one really knows the answer to that age old question and that has been debated for centuries in the past and centuries more to come for sure. I personally am a spiritual person and my faith definitely helped me to understand the whys of cancer, I am a 20 year survivor of Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. I still deal with many aftereffects of the treatments but no further cancers have been found. Why should I have survived and others far more worthy did not?, I have no answer except, for me personally, I believe in the evolving of our souls and sometimes certain things happen in our lives that we see as negative but in the grand sceme of things it is all for a reason. I believe our souls go on and evolve so it's all about how many times we go around in search of soul fulfillment but others have different reasonings I am sure, all valid in their own ways I'm sure and whatever works for you.

There are many different takes on 'why' this or that happens in lots of areas of human life. Why did all those people survive that plane crash recently on the Hudson River while others in plane crashes of the same nature die in other accidents?

In grieving the loss of someone close we go through many stages of grief. Why? is one of those stages, as you might already know. It is totally normal to ask the question and go through the other stages as well, such as anger and denial, but the key to remember and watch out for is getting stuck in any one of the stages for too long and it starts to affect your life and outlooks. If a person comes to that point then there are many grief counsellors who specialize in cancer who are very good at helping people through the various stages of grief and loss. You have really had a great deal of loss, perhaps you might give counselling a try if you feel that the 'whys' of it all turn to blame and anger perhaps, or seem to be affecting your life in a negative way.

Once again, let me repeat, you have come to a great site , one where you can express your thoughts about the subject, and receive back some very validating and caring thoughts from others on the site who have been where you are and understand. There is also a chatroom on this sitem, by the wya, if you want to talk in realtime about your issues with cancer, feel free to join in if you like at any time.

I am sure you will get many thoughts on your questioning in your posting, many of which I hope will help you feel less alone in your ideas and on the road to healing from all your losses. Blessings, Blueroses.

Pnktopaz10
Posts: 56
Joined: Oct 2008

Hi Pualeilani
I just read your post and blueroses response. I think that blueroses hit it right on the head in her comments. I too have lost many people to cancer~father, mother, brother and others. Both of my sisters have had cancer and I am a cancer survivor. Cancer has hit my family hard. Each one of us has had a different type of cancer. Through it all, including my own cancer, I have grown to believe that we must find a cure. We are losing the people we love and the medical community, although working hard, needs everyone's assistance. I have a friend who was just diagnosed with breast cancer and another whose cancer has spread. It just breaks my heart. You are commended for donating to your local cancer research and we all should keep donating so that a cure can be found. This year will be my fourth Relay for Life. After last years relay where we walked all Friday night, I was diagnosed with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma the following Monday. I am so determined to raise $ again this year for cancer research and all that it involves because too many people are dying of this horrible disease. I have no idea why I was spared but right now I have NED (No evidence of disease). I too mourn the losses to cancer and miss my brother and parents every day. It makes me all the more determined to help find a cure in anyway that I am able. This is a great website and I encourage you to stay in touch. It has been a life saver for me. Take care. Pnktopaz10

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