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Towens
Posts: 2
Joined: Jan 2009

I found out 3 months ago that my mother has stage 4 ovarian cancer. We are in the process of moving her into my home so that I can give her full time care instead of having to leave my children for weeks at a time to go to her house which is 400 miles away. I recently (Jan 12, 2009 at 2:27am) lost my aunt (mom's sister) to cervical cancer which she battled for 18 months. I was there ( in Baltimore) when she died and I don't know how I will deal with it when the time comes for my mom to go. I have no one to talk to about this since most people I deal with daily have no clue what it's like. I am hoping that maybe I can talk to some people on here that are dealing with similar issues. I am only 29 and should not have to be doing this yet.I expected that later in life as she got older I would need to take care of her. I never imagined this. I dealt with my father's prostate cancer fairly well since he had it removed, he is so far a 2 year survivor. His was a lot easier for me to deal with. Sorry for rambling on but I just need to get it all out I guess.

Tammy

zahalene's picture
zahalene
Posts: 624
Joined: Nov 2005

I am very sorry about your aunt and your mother, and father. My goodness, so much for you to deal with! I hope you have good family/friend support. Do not try to do it all on your own. Ask for help, and when people say, 'is there anything I can do?', take them seriously and say, 'yes, as a matter of a fact, if you would just _______ (fill in the blank). People usually really do want to help but just need to know exactly what the need of the moment is.
And take care of yourself as well. You need 'refueling' time if you are to continue the extra demands of the days ahead. Continue to come here any time you feel the need to vent or whatever. We care and understand.

hunpot's picture
hunpot
Posts: 90
Joined: Nov 2008

Tammy .I AM SO SORRY for what you have had to endure in such a short period. MY heart goes out to you and my prayers will be with you .
I am only 36 and lost my mother in August 08 to neck cancer she was only 58 yrs old. I have been in your shoes with caring for mom with children at home. MOm lived about 30 minutes from me she had no car. lived alone lost my dad when i was 12, and she depended on friends family well when she got sick wouldnt you know noone could help her as much as she needed with treatments, dctrs, not being left alone at times, etcc so i had to go back and forth everyday sometimes 3xday. MOm did not want to move in with me i begged and pleaded but she just didnt want to put my kids or me through that she thought she would be taking my time away she just wouldnt understand it was my time to help her that she had always been there for me throughout my life and it was my time to help her because she needed it. So i did what i had to even if that meant going to her house 4xday before school after school after work before bedtime etcc...
ANYHOW im glad your mom will move in with you it will be easeir and quality of time spent is what you need now, Spend the days you have left together making more memories taking lots and lots of pictures with the grandkids. My one regret was that my last picture of mom with the kids was like 3 yrs ago i should have taken one with them but had so many other things on mind just wasnt thinking till her funeral and i couldnt find recent pictures of her with my boys. Sorry i keep getting of subject. Just be there for her to love and support and help. and if friends or family or anyone asks if you need help sya YES dont be afraid. Make list of chores or errands or house work that people can help with.
Tell your mom do not give up the fight and struggle doctors are wrong all the time you will find out in here there are many many survivors that were told they wouldn't outlive a certain time and some have been around for 15 yrs or longer. So it can happen. Be strong stay positive and just let your mom know your are here for her now and will fight with her let her know things will be okay if and when the time comes that you will be okay. They say time heals it has been 5 months for me it was real hard the first few months holidays came i was so busy with my 4 boys it didnt faze me as much, but since jan 1st ive been a mess again, The only thing that gets me by everyday and its hard is that i tell myself mom would want me to be happy, mom would want me to go on. Sometimes it helps but its always there mom isnt here so i just try and live day to day to make her proud.
I hope my short story helped a little. Come on here wenever you want to vent, cry or talk people on here are wonderful and can help you with anything.
Take care and smile
tracy

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