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Hospice comes tomorrow

DianNH
Posts: 5
Joined: Jan 2009

My 59 year-old husband is nearing the end of his life on earth. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that had metastasized in his liver at the end of July. We have had a pretty good 5 and a half months despite several small strokes. He has been a real fighter, but the chemo hasn't worked. Today we learned that his liver has stopped working and he only has two or three more weeks. The doctor said that one good thing about liver failure is that it masks pain and he should go peacefully in his sleep. Hospice comes tomorrow and we will do all we can to make the rest of his life comfortable. I continue to be his primary care giver but family is rallying around so I won't be here alone. The 23rd psalm keeps me centered. I am grateful for all of you out there. I just needed to share.
Dian

zahalene's picture
zahalene
Posts: 624
Joined: Nov 2005

Thank God you have good family support during this time...and that you know how to rely on Him for help as well.
I do pray that your husband will be able to go peacefully with as little discomfort as possible. How blessed he is to have you.
Please keep coming here when you need someone to listen.
God bless you all.

slickwilly's picture
slickwilly
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

Dian. I am very sorry. As hospice is now involved and you have family support I hope your getting some needed breaks. There is not much I can say that will help you right now. I have been at this same point with far too many friends. I do know one thing though. Protecting your husbands dignity is just as important as making him comfortable. During all the treatments and hospital visits it seems our dignity is torn away. We have to give ourselves both mentally and physically to the medical community so they can treat us. Its good to ask him when he wants visitors and if he is up to it. If there is someone special he wants to see then call them. Its great to have pictures and things he loves around so he can see them. Its a good thing if he writes letters to those he loves so he can express his feelings and I am sure anyone that gets a letter would keep it forever. I even made VHS tapes for my daughters when I didn't think I was going to survive. Putting his favorite sheets and blankets on the bed or his favorite P.J's on him is always nice. There is no way I can express how much a good hug means. And I have sat in the sun with a friend that I lost as we loved the feeling of the heat on our aching bones. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as it never seems to get easier typing these letters and for me its just as hard as talking to you face to face. I am so sorry. God bless you and your husband. Slickwilly

MR_SAD's picture
MR_SAD
Posts: 91
Joined: Nov 2008

My heart goes out to you. The hospice folks are a wonderful group of special people that will help you in so many ways. The support I recieved from them I will never forget. I know you hve been going throuh a lot during the last 5 and a half months. I want you to know we are here for you. The 23 psalm is our strength. Through the faith we have I know in my heart that some day we will all be together in a place with no pain, Where we can be with the ones we love through out eternity. If I can answer any questions for you I will. My wife Cathy and I have been through your journey. It is not an easy thing to go thru. Just rember that God never gives us more than we cannot handle throuh faith. Things sometime feel to great of a burden to bear but these are the things that make us stronger. You keep being there for your husband, tell him how much you love him, help him make his peace with god and let him know you will be there for him.
Mr Sad

hunpot's picture
hunpot
Posts: 90
Joined: Nov 2008

Dian--
Hospice is wonderful and when you can take breaks for yourself even small coffee or just a quick run to the store its hard to do but gives you time to breath and just get away for a few minutes to clear the air. The way you want to see your husband go if and when the times come is peacefully, you will always have that memory to know they were in no pain and just slipped away up to heaven to be with other loved ones but remember someday you two will be togther again. For now be there with him to hold, love, support, let him now you will be okay, let him now he will be okay, its the hardest thing you have to do to your loved one but tell them when they are ready to just let go and that you will be sad but be happy again that you will live your life as he would want you to and make him happy. Some need time to them selves when they know they dont have much time left to do things for the ones they loved, mom wrote letters to us children and her sisters they short and brief but she wrote wordsin them we will never forget and we will haev those letters to look back on whenever we missher. She had her favorite picture made up for everyone and put in small frames. So remembwer he may need tiem for himself also make him comfortable in anyway you can but most of all take pictures upon pictures, the last time i have apicture of my mom with my kids was about 2 yrs ago it just slipped my mind and i regreta that, so best of luck and keep the faith and remember you two have had the times of your lives togther adn its not the end you will be togther again someday!!
Prayers and HUGS for you.

louisevruiz's picture
louisevruiz
Posts: 14
Joined: Apr 2003

Hi Dian,

Thank you for your message. My dad has been battling liver cancer for 16 months. The surgery in 2007 gave he and his family the extra time together. Unfortunately his time is almost up.

He was released home from the hospital yesterday to go home. My dad and mom have chosen at home hospice care. A decision that my two sisters and I are very happy they made this choice. The hospice care folks visited today.

I'm happy to see that liver failure masks pain. No wonder he hasn't had much pain. Unfortunately, he has been plagued with diarrhea for the past 2 months. He was so dehydrated that is why he's been in the hospital for 6 days.

Family as caregivers is very important. My husband was my primary caregiver during my cancer battle in 1999. The rest of my family was great at all of the other details: driving, trips to chemotherapy and doctor appointments, etc.

God bless you,
Louise

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