Jan 19, 2009 - 5:15 pm
I read a little about this issue on this board after googling "losing friends when you have cancer." I am in remission for over a year from ALL and I just turned 27. Having been diagnosed with ALL in the middle of my undergraduate career, I quickly found out how fast ALL will chase some of your "friends" away. After all, I went from being a fun college student to the very opposite of fun in no time. I even predicted losing my boyfriend at the time. I kind of even understood it. I didn't deserve ALL in my life and either did he. But I never thought that this "losing people" part would follow me through remission and onto the rest of my life.
After a few cases of meeting guys who I would consider dating, only to hear them say "it doesn't bother me" to turn into "actually it scares me too much" I recently met someone who I allowed myself to get very close to. The only reason why I really kind of gave myself so much was because he was so reassuring that he understood. He had lost a girlfriend to ALL prior to us meeting and through his previous gf had met a bunch of young people with ALL. I really felt like he knew what he was saying when he said he understood and having had ALL would not scare him away. I guess I should have known that his own history was not reassurance, but rather a red flag. Now that I feel really close to him, he is pulling away. All of his reasoning on why is clearly because he's scared. He says my health history provides an "obvious risk" to him.
And now... I can't help but to think that this will be the story of my life post-ALL. Will there be anyone who I can trust to stick around? :(