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Partner's depression

micknvic
Posts: 7
Joined: Dec 2008

Hi: I live in Australia and my partner was diagnosed with colon cancer in October. After seeing an oncologist and getting info about chemo (and having appointments set up for chemo preparation and delivery), he decided he did not want to go through with it. He did talk it over with the doctors and instead will be blood-tested and scanned every so often. His reasons for not wanting to go thru with chemo were that 1) his quality of life, he felt, would be greatly affected (friend of his went thru chemo, but passed away a few weeks ago) and 2) he wants to try alternative therapies.

I was very upset when he told me of his decision, initially, but realised that it was his life and his choice, so I told him I'd support him in any way he wanted.

I work full time and since his operation to remove the tumor (in October) he's not really been able to work, due to tiredness and just the after-effects of the operation. He's not coping at all, which I expected, and I have a real problem with him just doing things around the house when I'm away. I'm fairly sure he's dealing with depression (although he has a strong religious faith) and was prepared for that, but I do need him (and continually ask him) to help out at least some, even if it's just putting his dishes in the dishwasher. This sounds trivial, I know, but I cant continue to take care of work, him, and our home; it's exhausting and has been a drain on my own health (I'm battling a nasty case of bronchitis).

Has anyone else experienced this with a partner? Can you make suggestions as to how I can deal with it?

Thanks:
Mick

itismepsa's picture
itismepsa
Posts: 21
Joined: Dec 2008

My husband was diagnoised in Sept. 2008 with NHL. Yes he went through this. I also told him it was his choice. I went to work a couple of days and let him sit a dwell on it. Then one Sunday9which is my only day off) he asked me if it was me what would I do? I just told him I cared for him & my family enough that I would go through the treatment. Then nothing else was spoken on the subject the rest of the day. I went to work Monday & when I got home he told me to call the doctor & get his Chemo set-up. We just did treatment 3 on Monday. Bill was also fighting depression & while at work I called his doctor & discussed the depression with him at that time & he prescribed Bill an anti-depressent, which has helped. He now has a better outlook on things.
Paula

zahalene's picture
zahalene
Posts: 680
Joined: Nov 2005

your hubby is feeling better about things. I think you were wise to allow him time to make his own decision about treatment. And helping him get his depression addressed was a smart move, in my opinion, because when we are depressed we often can't find the impetus to take the necessary steps to better the situation on our own.
Please keep us posted on how he is doing and.... C U in chat! :)

zahalene's picture
zahalene
Posts: 680
Joined: Nov 2005

wrong board...sigh...so it's 3:00 a.m. Cut me some slack ok? :)

zahalene's picture
zahalene
Posts: 680
Joined: Nov 2005

HAHAHAHA......SHEESH!
Going to bed now, I promise.

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