Reconstruction reconsiderations

Joycelouise
Joycelouise Member Posts: 482
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have expander surgery set up for the 12th of Dec (one side mas.) But I am feeling sad about it. Instead of being happy to get it done, I dread the pain, the impact on my life. I also resent a little that I should need to do something so violent to my body. Yet I feel like if I don't go ahead with it (and great time to heal over Xmas vacay) I will regret it. I am writing this to see if anyone else was conflicted and how they solved it. I also wonder if my ability to make a decision has been affected by the "adventures" of my last year. Thanks for your thoughts. I need some perspective. Love, Joyce
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Comments

  • marciadh
    marciadh Member Posts: 6
    So Glad I Did The Expander Surgery
    I had delayed reconstruction & spent ten months without breasts. My bilateral mastectomies were October 2007, and my expander placement was August 2008. I have my exchange surgery coming up on 12/15/08. I have never been so glad to have had surgery as I was to do the expander placement.

    I only decided to do the bilateral mastectomies because I thought I was getting immediate reconstruction. By the time, I finally got in to see the plastic surgeon and found out he would not be available for a simultaneous surgery with my breast surgeon for several more weeks, I was half crazed from knowing I had cancer in my body, and went ahead with the mastectomies. Then I found out my tumor was 3 times bigger than I was originally told it was, and that I had to have chemo. Then they made me wait 6 months after chemo ended before they would place the expanders. I thought I would lose my mind being 40 (now 41) and not having breasts. It was horrible. As time went by, I got more emotional and upset about it. Somedays I cried all day long, off and on, hour after hour.

    Then I started having second thoughts about the reconstruction. I saw pictures of horrible results, and read stories about problems, infections, etc. I literally drove myself crazy. I was miserable without breasts, but was scared to death of awful results from the reconstruction.

    I decided though, that if I didn't try it, I would never know how it would have turned out. I am thrilled with my expanders. I have not had any problems or complications. I had 9 fills to reach 450 cc's and only the last two hurt. My skin healed perfectly, and even the scars look great. They took my flat as a pancake chest and gave me D cup boobs. I love them. They are big and round, and stand up on their own and look great in clothes.

    Before the expander surgery, I was flipping out because nothing on my body hurt, and I felt like I was going backwards by having another surgery. I healed so fast though that I was working out 3 weeks after surgery. The surgery was like a non-event due to the quickness of my recovery. It was even done on an outpatient basis.

    If I hadn't had the expander surgery, I would have spent the rest of my life wondering how it would have turned out, and grieving over the loss of my breasts. Although I understand my life is more important than my chest, I never could have imagined how hard it would be to live for 10 months without them.

    Good luck with your decision.
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    marciadh said:

    So Glad I Did The Expander Surgery
    I had delayed reconstruction & spent ten months without breasts. My bilateral mastectomies were October 2007, and my expander placement was August 2008. I have my exchange surgery coming up on 12/15/08. I have never been so glad to have had surgery as I was to do the expander placement.

    I only decided to do the bilateral mastectomies because I thought I was getting immediate reconstruction. By the time, I finally got in to see the plastic surgeon and found out he would not be available for a simultaneous surgery with my breast surgeon for several more weeks, I was half crazed from knowing I had cancer in my body, and went ahead with the mastectomies. Then I found out my tumor was 3 times bigger than I was originally told it was, and that I had to have chemo. Then they made me wait 6 months after chemo ended before they would place the expanders. I thought I would lose my mind being 40 (now 41) and not having breasts. It was horrible. As time went by, I got more emotional and upset about it. Somedays I cried all day long, off and on, hour after hour.

    Then I started having second thoughts about the reconstruction. I saw pictures of horrible results, and read stories about problems, infections, etc. I literally drove myself crazy. I was miserable without breasts, but was scared to death of awful results from the reconstruction.

    I decided though, that if I didn't try it, I would never know how it would have turned out. I am thrilled with my expanders. I have not had any problems or complications. I had 9 fills to reach 450 cc's and only the last two hurt. My skin healed perfectly, and even the scars look great. They took my flat as a pancake chest and gave me D cup boobs. I love them. They are big and round, and stand up on their own and look great in clothes.

    Before the expander surgery, I was flipping out because nothing on my body hurt, and I felt like I was going backwards by having another surgery. I healed so fast though that I was working out 3 weeks after surgery. The surgery was like a non-event due to the quickness of my recovery. It was even done on an outpatient basis.

    If I hadn't had the expander surgery, I would have spent the rest of my life wondering how it would have turned out, and grieving over the loss of my breasts. Although I understand my life is more important than my chest, I never could have imagined how hard it would be to live for 10 months without them.

    Good luck with your decision.

    You wanted a different perspective...
    I got one...lol.
    Marci, I truly celebrate your great success with your reconstruction. You are one brave lady to squelch your fears and go for it.
    Me. Nope. By the time I had undergone 2 radical mastectomies in less than 2 years, I was DONE with anything that even closely resembled surgery. And I have never regretted that decision. Being 'breastless' is no big deal for me, although it poses some problems with dressing altogether comfortably. So most of the time I just go flat-chested.
    The point is, joyce, that whatever works for you is what you should do, and NOBODY can or should even try to make that decision for you.
    I wish you the greatest happiness in whatever you decide.
  • TammyLouBob
    TammyLouBob Member Posts: 16
    Long Row to Hoe
    Breast cancer patients often have a long row to hoe.

    It requires patience, stamina and endurance.

    It's mentally and physically demanding.

    And, no, it isn't easy.

    The bottom line is your (long term) quality of life.

    It's going to cost you to get to where you want to be...or at least to something you can tolerate.

    My sympathies.

    Tammy Lou
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    Only you can know
    Joyce, I had a lumpectomy so I never needed any reconstruction. However, in the 10 days between diagnosis and surgery I was an emotional wreck worrying that I might have to lose my breast. The very thought of losing a part of my body that I'd had all my life was devastating to me. I was really flipping out! Fortunately my second biopsy result came in the morning of my surgery and I was able to have the lumpectomy.

    I was so relieved. I shared all that because upon reflection I think that the question of reconstruction depends on how much your breasts are connected to your sense of femininity and sense of self. For some, they feel just as girley and sexy without breasts as they did with them. But for some(like myself)they would not feel like themselves without their breasts.

    Ohilly, its a difficult decision, but I think that you should go with your gut and I think the fact that you have made the surgery arrangements in the first place perhaps says that you would like to replace your breast. Only you can know this for sure. Good luck with your decision. I hope that whatever the outcome, you will be happy. God bless, Eil
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    Joyce, as you know I also
    Joyce, as you know I also went through a mastectomy a few months before you. Honestly, I was truly miserable until I had my reconstruction. Though I hid it very well from everyone, it was very depressing to me, to see myself without a breast. I went for the tram flap reconstruction and have not regretted it. I too will be going in on the 17th to finish up and hopefully I will be done. Ultimately the decision is yours, but, I don't think this surgery is any more violent or invasive as the mastectomy you already had. It's just a pain that we have to go through this again. Hugs, Lili
  • Joycelouise
    Joycelouise Member Posts: 482
    Thank you ladies. Your
    Thank you ladies. Your comments are helping me sort out my feelings. I am also realizing I just wanted to really talk to someone about it and not just hear a quick dismissal comment. But where's a girl to find someone who wants to talk about her breasts? Right here, and I am thankful. Marcia, thank you for the time you took to explain your journey. I really liked that you were able to rebound quickly. Sometimes I feel like when the medical profession prepares us for the worse case scenario they sap some of our positive energy and make that scenario more likely. I will let you know when I decide and let you know how it goes. love you all, Joyce
  • NorcalJ
    NorcalJ Member Posts: 187

    Thank you ladies. Your
    Thank you ladies. Your comments are helping me sort out my feelings. I am also realizing I just wanted to really talk to someone about it and not just hear a quick dismissal comment. But where's a girl to find someone who wants to talk about her breasts? Right here, and I am thankful. Marcia, thank you for the time you took to explain your journey. I really liked that you were able to rebound quickly. Sometimes I feel like when the medical profession prepares us for the worse case scenario they sap some of our positive energy and make that scenario more likely. I will let you know when I decide and let you know how it goes. love you all, Joyce

    Decision
    Hi Joyce,

    Is there a reason that you've decided to do this now?

    From my understanding, there isn't a timeline on this. I've heard of people doing it even 20 years later. Not that I'm suggesting THAT. In my case I'd be in my 80's, and they'd have to do the reconstruction to sit somewhere around my knees.

    Are you feeling pressured for one reason or another? Sometimes right around this time of year, we all feel like we're on a merry-go-round.

    Whatever you decide, good luck, and believe in your own decision making. Only you know what is right for you! But keep us all informed because we care!

    Hugs,
    Jan
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    Hi Joyce, I think the fear
    Hi Joyce, I think the fear of more pain and surgery certainly can affect a decision to have more pain and surgery. And there probably will be some discomfort but I think you'll be happy you did. I think you will make the right choice for you and like someone said, you don't have to do it right away, it can be done later if you're feeling a little gun shy.

    Whatever you decide we will always see you as beautiful.

    Good luck to you
    jan
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    It's so personal...
    Just look at how many women get breast enhancement surgery!

    I only had a lumpectomy, but had the implants (yes, me...lol!) for almost 20 years prior. Truth be told, I like not having to think about dressing. Should the future bring a mastectomy, well, I can only imagine that I would have reconstruction...

    Again, that's me. You have to be comfortable with your choices.

    I LOVE what Jan said...we here find you beautiful regardless...

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Joycelouise
    Joycelouise Member Posts: 482
    KathiM said:

    It's so personal...
    Just look at how many women get breast enhancement surgery!

    I only had a lumpectomy, but had the implants (yes, me...lol!) for almost 20 years prior. Truth be told, I like not having to think about dressing. Should the future bring a mastectomy, well, I can only imagine that I would have reconstruction...

    Again, that's me. You have to be comfortable with your choices.

    I LOVE what Jan said...we here find you beautiful regardless...

    Hugs, Kathi

    And I needed to hear that I
    And I needed to hear that I was beautiful without. Thanks, Joyce
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    KathiM said:

    It's so personal...
    Just look at how many women get breast enhancement surgery!

    I only had a lumpectomy, but had the implants (yes, me...lol!) for almost 20 years prior. Truth be told, I like not having to think about dressing. Should the future bring a mastectomy, well, I can only imagine that I would have reconstruction...

    Again, that's me. You have to be comfortable with your choices.

    I LOVE what Jan said...we here find you beautiful regardless...

    Hugs, Kathi

    Sigh.........
    Of course WE find you beautiful, gorgeous, whatever adjective you want/need~ but we never see you NAKED!!! As I wrote this,it was meant to make you laugh,but ya know? at the proverbal "end of the day", that's what it's all about~ the nakedness of it all~ and the KNOWING when we are wearing close fitting clothes, or muu-muus or bathing suits or sweats, that underneath it all we are perfect and voluptous. I have said before, and will say again, I wish someone , ANYONE had told me I could have had surgery~ I would have done it in a flippin' heartbeat. And, thanks to these boards, I am asking my DR~ 5 years after surgery if I am a candidate, AND if insurance will cover it.

    So, go for it.......

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • GreeneyedGirl
    GreeneyedGirl Member Posts: 1,077
    chenheart said:

    Sigh.........
    Of course WE find you beautiful, gorgeous, whatever adjective you want/need~ but we never see you NAKED!!! As I wrote this,it was meant to make you laugh,but ya know? at the proverbal "end of the day", that's what it's all about~ the nakedness of it all~ and the KNOWING when we are wearing close fitting clothes, or muu-muus or bathing suits or sweats, that underneath it all we are perfect and voluptous. I have said before, and will say again, I wish someone , ANYONE had told me I could have had surgery~ I would have done it in a flippin' heartbeat. And, thanks to these boards, I am asking my DR~ 5 years after surgery if I am a candidate, AND if insurance will cover it.

    So, go for it.......

    Hugs,
    Claudia

    My ten cents worth
    Joyce, for what its worth....right after my mastectomy in April, I opted for having a tissue expander to try and stretch that radiated skin and muscle. I invested 6 mo of healing and expanding to the conclusion of "it didn't do what we had hoped". So, I now am 5 weeks out of the latissimus flap surgery with another expander -which my surgeon suggested back in April at the time of the mastectomy. I was afraid at that time to go so invasive. But now I can see the light at the end of my tunnel. I probably have 6 mo of healing and expanding again...but I am excited. It is looking fabulous! Take your time and process and decide.. and ask over and over again for input. It is a big decision. And I healed very nicely with little discomfort.
    Best to you, dear.
    Melanie
  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    You have already had great
    You have already had great comments, but I will add mine, just because. I had bilateral mastectomy and had expanders put in at the same time because I knew I wanted reconstruction from the beginning. I do not consider it vanity to want breasts, or to be concerned about the issue. presence or absence of breasts is the most noticeable and most immediately distinguishable feature that sets us apart from the rest of humanity as women. How many times have you seen a person from the back and thought it might be a man, just to change your mind when you seen her from the side or front, even at a distance? Anyway, I had my surgery December 21 and was back at work by the first of Feb (6weeks off). I have not regretted the expanders. I am smaller than I was before, but I do have breasts. Also, the skin is already stretched, so the reconstruction should be easier (I don't have to wait and be expanded before surgery) I have had chemo and radiation and am planning to do bilateral reconstruction with the DIEP or TRAM procedure at the beginning of summer to allow time for healing before I go back to work (I work in a public school).

    It is definitely a decision each person must make for herself, and fear and uncertainty are just part of the bargain. Best wishes to you in making yours. seof
  • ladybug22
    ladybug22 Member Posts: 646
    in need of some help
    I am going on Dec 11 to talk to doctor about reconsttruction .Dont no what to ask the doctor how long will it take will i be in hospital more that one time thank for the help
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    No answers here only hugs!
    Ah Joyce,

    I wish i had some pearl of wisdom for you, alas i am in the same boat. One minute I want the surgery the next I do not. I just hate the idea of more pain and recovery, of going under again. Gosh, this probably is not helping you and I hope it is not hindering you I just wanted to say I understand exactly how you feel. Now all that said after reading your post I called my surgeon and made an appointment for Dec 22 at 9 a.m. for a consult to help
    me make an informed decision. I will be thinking and praying for a swift recovery for you.

    (((((HUGS)))))

    RE
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    ladybug22 said:

    in need of some help
    I am going on Dec 11 to talk to doctor about reconsttruction .Dont no what to ask the doctor how long will it take will i be in hospital more that one time thank for the help

    Hi Lady, it all depends on
    Hi Lady, it all depends on what type of surgery you want and what options are open to you. The doctor will give you options once he examines you. Many factors are involved such as age, general health, and the type of procedure you may want. The most common one is the implant. Of all the reconstruction options it is the least invasive. Then you have the tram flap whereby they do a flap from the stomach tissue with the fat still attached to the muscle then tunnel through up into your chest area. Then they have the diep flap, which is a transplant of fat and skin from the belly area and then microsurgically attached to the chest. This procedure requires a specialized surgeon, is generally done in teaching hospitals or big university hospitals and takes the longest to do. You may be in surgery for about 8 to 10 hrs. If you are looking for the shortest recuperating time and the least invasive and fastest recovery, then the implant might be your best option. Hugs, Lili
  • Joycelouise
    Joycelouise Member Posts: 482
    RE said:

    No answers here only hugs!
    Ah Joyce,

    I wish i had some pearl of wisdom for you, alas i am in the same boat. One minute I want the surgery the next I do not. I just hate the idea of more pain and recovery, of going under again. Gosh, this probably is not helping you and I hope it is not hindering you I just wanted to say I understand exactly how you feel. Now all that said after reading your post I called my surgeon and made an appointment for Dec 22 at 9 a.m. for a consult to help
    me make an informed decision. I will be thinking and praying for a swift recovery for you.

    (((((HUGS)))))

    RE

    To all of you kind
    To all of you kind respondents! Thank you for your input. I have decided to have the surgery and am scheduled for friday. It will be a hassle to heal again, but it would be a hassle to have the decision hanging over me all my life too. And I truly feel like I am doing it for fun...not because I have to to be loved. It took me a while to get to that point. I will keep you informed (Re especially) as to how tough the whole thing is compared to the original mas. And Lady, I am having this implant put in, the doc. will increase the fluid in the implant over the weeks/months to stretch my chest to allow for a silicone implant. That will be another surgery. Yuck! But, here I go....love you all, no matter how many breasts we have between us. Joyce
  • KSB
    KSB Member Posts: 3

    To all of you kind
    To all of you kind respondents! Thank you for your input. I have decided to have the surgery and am scheduled for friday. It will be a hassle to heal again, but it would be a hassle to have the decision hanging over me all my life too. And I truly feel like I am doing it for fun...not because I have to to be loved. It took me a while to get to that point. I will keep you informed (Re especially) as to how tough the whole thing is compared to the original mas. And Lady, I am having this implant put in, the doc. will increase the fluid in the implant over the weeks/months to stretch my chest to allow for a silicone implant. That will be another surgery. Yuck! But, here I go....love you all, no matter how many breasts we have between us. Joyce

    Hi - I'm also scheduled for
    Hi - I'm also scheduled for reconstructive surgery (TRAM) in February. I was diagnosed in May of 2006. I had chemo, mastectomy (left side) and radiation. I'm told that I'm NOT a candidate for implants - so the TRAM is my only option. I'm SCARED TOO DEATH. I've often considered canceling the procedure. I've heard good and bad about this procedure. I don't know what to do. I NEED to do SOMEthing - because I'M A MESS. I absolutely HATE looking at myself. This has affected intimacy with my husband tremendously - I have lost what little self confidence I possessed before all of this happened. What do you recommend?
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    KSB said:

    Hi - I'm also scheduled for
    Hi - I'm also scheduled for reconstructive surgery (TRAM) in February. I was diagnosed in May of 2006. I had chemo, mastectomy (left side) and radiation. I'm told that I'm NOT a candidate for implants - so the TRAM is my only option. I'm SCARED TOO DEATH. I've often considered canceling the procedure. I've heard good and bad about this procedure. I don't know what to do. I NEED to do SOMEthing - because I'M A MESS. I absolutely HATE looking at myself. This has affected intimacy with my husband tremendously - I have lost what little self confidence I possessed before all of this happened. What do you recommend?

    Go through with it please.
    Go through with it please. I also had the tram this past February and here I am much, much happier. It wasn't easy because of the abdominal surgery, but it is DOABLE and you will be much happier looking at yourself in the mirror. Make sure the doctor puts you on a morphine drip while in the hospital, and gives you Flexerall which is a muscle relaxer and you will do fine. First week is tough, as if you would have had a ceserean, but by the 2nd week you are walking straighter. Hugs, Lili

    PS You will be in the hospital for 5 days.
  • ladybug22
    ladybug22 Member Posts: 646
    KSB said:

    Hi - I'm also scheduled for
    Hi - I'm also scheduled for reconstructive surgery (TRAM) in February. I was diagnosed in May of 2006. I had chemo, mastectomy (left side) and radiation. I'm told that I'm NOT a candidate for implants - so the TRAM is my only option. I'm SCARED TOO DEATH. I've often considered canceling the procedure. I've heard good and bad about this procedure. I don't know what to do. I NEED to do SOMEthing - because I'M A MESS. I absolutely HATE looking at myself. This has affected intimacy with my husband tremendously - I have lost what little self confidence I possessed before all of this happened. What do you recommend?

    I had chemo then mastectomy
    I had chemo then mastectomy on left side also and rad.I may only have one option.Hay you are alive that is A number 1.I am sure u as SCARED when u was told u had cancer.If u can get though that i know u be fine with this.I recommend you pick up your self confidence take one day at a time and dont look back your going with life. I am going to have something done not sure what i can have done. I am telling everyone i am getting a new boob for Christmas.Tomorrow i will find out just what i can do. WE CAN ALL DO THIS TOGETHER.