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Any help would be appericiated

MR_SAD's picture
MR_SAD
Posts: 91
Joined: Nov 2008

The Love of my life for the past 25 years was diagnosed with Lung Cancer and
a metastic brain tumor. She lost the use of her left side and had to have Brain
surgery to remove 95% of the Brain tumor followed by Radiation to her Brain and Lung.
She is very weak and canot have chemo. Is there any hope for me? The Doctors tell
me no. They have said She only has 6 months. Bed Pans, Baths, Kids, Work, the Household how are you suppose to cope, This has got to be the toughest thing I have ever had to face.

cabbott
Posts: 1046
Joined: Aug 2006

My heart goes out to you. I wish I had the magic wand to get rid of this nasty disease for any and everyone (including for me!), but the best help I know of is from the doctors and they don't have the "cure" yet either. Sometimes a second opinion provides hope, but only if you go to someone reputable that really knows all the options. Lung cancer clinics at teaching university hospitals tend to be the most knowledgeable about what is possible. Sometimes the options are nonexistent. However grim things get, please don't go it alone! Get with the medical social workers at your hospital and ask for all the help you can get. Things that cross my mind right off are things like hospice care to relieve you of some of the medical care, help from a local volunteer agency to help with respite care (yes, so you can take the kids and yourself for a mental wellness break every week so you can face all the rest of the week), arranging family leave act at work so you can be there, making her on disability if she had a job to help with bills, calling a local church to help with meals, arranging for a housekeeper or maid or yard assistance if you can swing it (or maybe help from a volunteer if you can't), meals on wheels, emotional support counseling, legal counseling for all those things like a living will and other legal issues, and ...well, none of those things will give you what you need. But know that I am thinking of you today.

MR_SAD's picture
MR_SAD
Posts: 91
Joined: Nov 2008

Thank you so much for your response and the advice. It does help knowing I am not alone on this journey.

cabbott
Posts: 1046
Joined: Aug 2006

I don't know if you have tried the chat room at this site. Sometimes it takes a while to download and sometimes it is down. But when it is up it is a great place to visit. In the evenings several folks tune in to "talk" to each other. Many are survivors but sometimes just as many seem to be caretakers. Shucks, these days many of us survivors live to be caretakers too! You might join in some time just to vent or ask for a few helpful tips or just get social with fellow caretakers.

C. Abbott

Mawoni
Posts: 20
Joined: Nov 2008

Dear Sad.... My heart goes out to you on oh so many levels. Try not to focus too much on the 6 months. "they" are wrong in many many cases. They don't take miracles into account, and God gives us many. But, it's also time to live life like they may be right. Get some help with the caregiving so that you can focus your energy and love toward your wife. The caregiving can be all consuming and unbearably exhausting and you must take care of yourself so that you can tend to the really important things. My health insurance coovered in home care and someone to do meals. Check yours out. If not, then start crusading for help from family, friends, church. If you don't have it in you to do the crusading, then find one person who can do it for you. It is important.
Time to share wonderful memories and plan for making more. Time to say "I love you" each and every day. Time to touch and cling together.
Holding you up in prayer ... M

Mawoni
Posts: 20
Joined: Nov 2008

Just checking in to see how you are doing with divorcing yourself as much as possible from the caregiver role. I think of you and your wife a lot and hope that she is comfortable and that you are able to cope and devote your daily cup of energy toward loving her.
Sending a hug .. Maw

MR_SAD's picture
MR_SAD
Posts: 91
Joined: Nov 2008

I am doing pretty good. You know one day at a time. My wife is coughing more and more each day
I give her the medicine but it really does not do much good. She is really hanging in there and for the most part still has a good attitude towards everything. I am so lucky to have a lot of Help from the ladies from my church. They have made sure I have Food for me and the boys almost every other day. They have been a blessing. The Hospice care has been a great help. Thanks for your thoughts and response. I know that all the Prayers for my wife are working. She is not in a great amount of Pain and I try and keep the pain under control by making sure she gets her meds at the proper time.
Have a good Christmas.

Mawoni
Posts: 20
Joined: Nov 2008

Hello Mr_Sad .... I am so happy to hear that you have help now and that your wife is not in a great deal of pain. It is so important to stay ahead of the pain, for your wife and for you too. I am always amazed (and I don't know why since it happens all the time) how people step forward and help us in our times of need. One of the many blessings we can cling to.
May you find peace ... Maw

Bobby Lister's picture
Bobby Lister
Posts: 37
Joined: Feb 2009

Dear one. I have been married 47 years to my first love. He is my shadow and life. We have gone thru my 99 surguries (from Lupus,Fibromyalgia and 3 bouts Of Malignant Cancer, Lung,Overian,Uterin and Cervical and Skin) He is a Mechanic of 67 years. He regularly asks me,"I can fix anything that I put my hand to, Just give me a hammer or skrewdriver, Why can't I fix you??" You are at that stage. It is not your Job. You are your lovely wifes support,Love and courage and Hope. She is having to face saying "Goodbye" and is scared too. I know I have been there too. I was first diagnosed with the repoductive Cancer at the age of 24, My hubby was down at the South Pole. The Navy wouldn't let him come home to be with me and the girls. I left him a letter to say "I Love YOU" and one each for the girls, and drove myself into surgery. Not knowing if I would ever see them again. It is a path your dear wife will have to travel alone in her body, but the knowledge that you are there will keep her from giving up. I have died on my guy three times once on the other side. If you wish go into my "Blog" and I wrote about going thru the "tunned of Light". It is there when you need it. Give yourself a BIG HUG from this great grandma of 65 years and know you are never alone. we all DO care how you are.
May God Bless you and Yours
Love and Hope
1survivor
Bobby Lister

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