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Stage 4 Brain Mets

swint31321
Posts: 4
Joined: Nov 2008

Hi all. I am new to the post. My husband has been fighting this for 5 years now. It all started in the colon, then the liver, then the lung and now the brain and the colon. He has been in hospice now for over a month. He has been 4 or 5 days with no food and very little liquid. He has been paralyzed from the waist down for over 2 months from the brain mets. He was a pretty big guy (5'3" and 225 when this started in mid August). He was running a fever that they thought was the "terminal" fever, but it went down a couple of days ago. They have stopped his decadron a few days ago. Does anyone have any words of wisdom of what I can expect? I have 3 children to prepare for what is to come. God bless you all.

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. I am praying that God hold you and your children in His arms and comfort you, giving you the strength you need to see this through. Please take advantage of all the resource Hospice has to offer you; they have counseling for all aspects of what you are going through, including financial. You are in my heart, please let us know how you are doing.
mary

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

I am very sorry about your situation, according to how old the children are is how I would go about informing them as to the situation. I accepted the fact only after all my emotions were drained and even though it was hard to let go it actually felt kinda like God said let me have him for my own. That was the peace I got when he passed and I know that he is in a better place. That was my comfort, my children 4,6,14 and 23 know the same comfort now as I did with my dad in case something was to happen to me. They know that I will be with God and that we will see each other again someday. I am very sorry for your suffering and hope that the Lord will comfort you and yours and he will.......God Bless ya hun.........

swint31321
Posts: 4
Joined: Nov 2008

Thank you all so much for your kind words and thoughts and prayers. I need all I can get right now. You can never have too many prayers!!

krystiesq's picture
krystiesq
Posts: 242
Joined: Jun 2008

I am praying for you and will be sure to pray for you to receive the guidance you need to carry on and lead your children. As a daughter who is the caretaker of my mother (stage 4), I think the best approach is to be quite honest with the children. If they are seeing dad suffer, it may relieve them to know that he will be healed and will walk in heaven without pain. Furthermore, they may be prepared. I know it isn't easy to lose someone you love, but somehow it does make their passage easier when they are suffering. I am speaking from very relevant circumstance. I had to go to a funeral yesterday for my husband's family member who had a stroke last week which rendered her partially paralyzed on the right side. We thought she was going to pull through but sadly she had a subsequent stroke which not only rendered her paralyzed totally, she was of sound mind just trapped in her ailing body. We had the privilege of being with her in her last hours and while it was not an experience I looked forward to, she left us in peace and that propelled us to find our peace with her passing. I had a dream later that night that was very symbolic. I was looking up at the stars and they all began to turn into numbers and fade away into darkness. Not to be hooky or cliché but to me it symbolized that we all have a plan and it is one that we have no control over and when our number is called, our light will fade here on earth and go on to a different place. My husband did the eulogy at the funeral and ended with this quote...

"Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us; our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life."

--letter to Dutch physicist Heike Kamerlingh-Onne's widow, February 25, 1926; Einstein Archive 14-389.

peace be with you.

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5006
Joined: Feb 2008

I'm so very sorry about your husband. I pray that you and your children will find peace in this very difficult situation.

*hugs*
Gail

tmd
Posts: 36
Joined: Jul 2004

My wife had colon cancer in 04/02 stage 3. She also had it in the liver and lungs and than went to the brain in 08/07. We put her in hospice on 12/27/08 and she went to see the Lord on 01/29/08. Everyday in hospice she became more week and slept more. My daughters ( 26 and 33 )
stay many nights up there and had a very good "closer" with their mother. She was a great fighter and was very brave. We are all doing very well , because she believed she was going to a better place. I`ll pray you and your family.

God Bless
Mike

swint31321
Posts: 4
Joined: Nov 2008

Just a short update here. My husband is now to the point where he sleeps more and more. He hardly ever opens his eyes anymore. It's been over a week since he's had anything to eat or drink. His breathing pattern has changed and the fever keeps coming and going. The urine output is still minimal and getting darker. I told him yesterday that when he gets ready and he is tired of fighting that it is okay for him to let go. I would talk to him off and on and he would give me one word answers sometimes. Mostly he just mumbles and sleeps. I appreciate everyone that has posted and all the prayers. God is holding me in his hand to keep me going at this point. I will keep you all posted and God bless you all!!!

chynabear's picture
chynabear
Posts: 483
Joined: Jul 2005

I want to share a story that I haven't thought of in years until I read your post.

A few months before I was diagnosed with cancer, I was a nurse aide and worked on a medicare wing in a health care center, which meant that my patients were not "long term" but were there because they needed time recovering from an illness or accident or surgery.

There was a man who came to my wing who had just received brain surger removing tumors. He didn't regain consciousness for the few weeks he was there, and yet I felt my heart strings pull for him. He was fairly young, in his late forties or early fifties, anyway. And his wife was a sweetheart. I got to know her pretty well during her visits. It really tore her up to be losing him like this.

I never really believed in an "after" and just can't see or believe that anything waits for us after we pass.

One day, I was in this fellow's room tending to him and just as I was walkign out he said, "tell my wife that I am going to be ok." Thinking that I was imagining things, I looked back and he appeared to be asleep. I went back to his bedside and stood for a minute and he looked right at me and said, "Tell my wife that I am going to be ok. I am going to a better place and will be with my son soon. Tell her that I love her." And then he was quiet again.

The next day, he was silent as usual and I struggled with whether to tell his wife or not. I didn't want to crush her hopes that he might come out of this ok.

I didn't know I had cancer at the time, but found myself often sick. The day after, I was home with a 104 temp. I came back to work to hear that he had passed during my shift. I never got the chance to tell his wife what he had said.

About a year later, after I had been diagnosed, went through treatment, and moved, I was visiting and ran into her. I finally found the courage to tell her what he had said. She gave me a big hug and thanked me for this. She was having a hard time still dealing with losing him, but I think this helped her a little.

I pray for you and your family to get through this... there is somthing better waiting for us in the end. I think I was tought this lesson through a miricle.

*HUGS*

Tricia

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