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worried sick over all that is going on please i need to talk to someone

kristinem
Posts: 13
Joined: Oct 2008

Hi, I'm 39 years old and for they past month i have had really bad pains in my stomach, blote and gas and lot's of BM. My periods have changed as well and are much more heaver and the blood is so red. I went last week for my yearly. Blood work came back good . Estrogen low and CA125 NEG. She sent me for sono just to check things out. Came back with something on my cervix ( PAP GOOD) and a 3cm mass as they are calling next to my right ov. She wants me to have a MRI and see. She thinks they are polyups on my cervex and the other she dosen't know yet?? Im so worried because it seems everyone her or on the other board had same symptoms and told not to worry and all have cancer. I also have lung issues that i have had for the past few years and so now im worried over that also. I have sarcadosis and scaring and nodules of bacteria.. No malignacys in the lungs as of now. The year fear is that I have always thought i would get cancer and die... I have 2 small kids that worry about me anyway, They are just those type of kids that kiss me and need me close all the time. I look at them and have to walk away because im so sick with worry. Does anyone here know of anyone with these same symptoms that was ok... And do people beat these types of cancer. Im so sad and sick to my stomach with FEAR!! Im so sorry for everyone her going thur this... I feel so alone...

saundra's picture
saundra
Posts: 1390
Joined: Mar 2007

Worry is wasted energy, so until you have the results of all the test you can just ask yourself each morning if you want to waste that energy today or do something else. If you do this for a week you'll feel better.
It sounds like you have a doctor that is on top of everything and doing all the appropriate tests to get to the bottom of your questions. Should you have to have surgery, I would suggest a gyn/onc as they are best to clear out any suspicious spots they find and are considered the optimum surgeons for female operations. Yes people do beat these types of cancer. You need the energy to fight like the dickens though and none to waste on worry. Hug those kids. Saundra

kristinem
Posts: 13
Joined: Oct 2008

I know you are right.... I'm trying so hard! I just wish that I could have had the dam test already.. I go for the MRI on the 12th... I live in NY so I know that I will be able to find a good Dr. (if I neeed to) I guess I also have such a hard time with the Why me crap. I would not say in general i have had such a good life so Im having a pitty party and I know it! I hope in the long run I can find something good out of this no matter what I come up with in the end. Thanks so much for talking to me. My hubby is so worried that he is trying tp pretend that this is not happening, I feel like there is no one to express this to and I really don't want to either... You know they havealways sadi to me no matter what has ever been worng YOUR YOUNG IT WILL BE NOTHING... Well, That is so untrue as I see here so many young people are ill...

Dreamdove's picture
Dreamdove
Posts: 175
Joined: Sep 2008

kristinem, I didn't think I'd make it but I did. I'm nearly 18 months cancer-free. I had stage 3c ovarian cancer. They took out my uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, cervix, and even my appendix. I had one child left at home who was 12. I was the only parent in her life. She is 14 and in high school now! Everybody thought I was going to die. I didn't know what was going to happen to me. It happened so fast. I drove myself to the ER and next day I had the surgery. Soon after they started the chemo. Chemo isn't as bad as it used to be. I didn't get sick to my stomach at all. I felt tired at times but not all the time. Many times I felt good. The hair loss bothered me the most. I didn't have great hair to begin with but I felt that was the worst part of the treatment. Anyway, you can't help but worry. But not knowing is worse than knowing, at least to me. Good luck.

kristinem
Posts: 13
Joined: Oct 2008

Im glad you are ok. I just think it is so unfair to children to have to go thru this. I guess all the worry is making my asthma act up and I just feel so ill.

Dreamdove's picture
Dreamdove
Posts: 175
Joined: Sep 2008

I felt it was very unfair to my daughter. She depended upon me so much, being her only parent. I was very concerned about her and worried who she would live with if "something" happened to me. I wanted her to be able to go to the same school and have her same friends around. But it worked out ok. I am still here. But all in all I would rather have had myself go thru cancer than her.

kristinem
Posts: 13
Joined: Oct 2008

I know your so right! I guess im just so confused... I just want all the tests to be over!!! I just want to be well, I feel badly about even saying that knowing so many peopel here are ill and wish the same. I feel like I'm living a dream.. I can't believe this is happening to me... Does any one know after the MRI will they be able to tell if it is cancer or not just from that test

knarrly's picture
knarrly
Posts: 24
Joined: Oct 2008

I can tell you that when they did my MRI, they still had no clue it was cancer. They still thought it was a benign cyst. They proceeded with surgery to remove only the "cyst" and then it was the pathology report that was the final indicator.

I know how you're feeling though...I've already gotten the diagnosis and I still feel that I'm going to wake up and this is all going to be a horrible nightmare.

Susan523's picture
Susan523
Posts: 235
Joined: Oct 2007

My name is Susan, and I was diagnosed Stage3c on May 17, 2006.

Have they mentioned a CT Scan? I think this is more informative than an MRI;
but I'm no Dr. Just going by what my Dr. says. Hopefully you have a good
Oncologist/Gynecologist who specializes in this area.

Anyway, I would ask for a CT Scan. But the fact that your CA was normal is
encouraging.

Best of luck to you,

~Susan xoxo

BonnieR's picture
BonnieR
Posts: 1549
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi Kristin, I am so sorry to read all you are going through. Lots of people are here for you , we do understand, and yes there are people who have these symptoms and it is something else. In fact my sister has fibroids and at times even has an elevated CA125 but no cancer. And again yes to the question does anyone beat these types of cancer. Know you are not alone. Come here often and share or ask questions, we are here for you. Hugs ♥ Prayers Bonnie

Isaiah 41:10 do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right

leighbigcat3's picture
leighbigcat3
Posts: 3
Joined: Sep 2008

I had some of the sympotoms that you are having and found out that I had ovarain cancer. The symptoms are also linked to polyups but if you want to be sure that nothing is going on then make an appointment with Dr. Robert Mucullen at Lahey Clinice in mass.
goood luck leigh

mopar
Posts: 1948
Joined: May 2003

Kristen:

So much good advice from so many wonderful women who've 'been there, done that'. Add me to the list of everyone who is praying for you and sending hugs. As was mentioned, worry is 'wasted energy'. It won't change a thing, and God willing, when you find out it's not cancer, you will realize the good breaths that have been wasted worrying about it. Live in the moment - don't look ahead - it only causes anxiety.

Monika

kristinem
Posts: 13
Joined: Oct 2008

Thanks so much for all the words of wisdom and hope. I go on the 12th for the MRI i guess she wants to waite till then to do anything. I would think after that my next steps should be D&C and biop the stuff in the cervix??? and Then removal of the mass unless it is a lymph? Is this correct? kristine

saundra's picture
saundra
Posts: 1390
Joined: Mar 2007

Everyone is different and the next steps depend on test results and it is useless to jump ahead. My personal experience from bloating and abdominal pain, to sonagram, to CT scan, to CA-15, to needle biopsy to four chemos, to major debulking surgery, followed by more chemo. There were waits inbetween all of these proceedures and you just have to deal with the waits. I say an internist, gastroenterologist, gynocologist, gyn/onc. The CT scan and CA-125 along with the gyn. physical were the diagnosing proceedures. Needle biopsy confirmed it. My tumors were too large and widespread to go straight to surgery, therefore I had to have chemo to shrink them first. I am 70 years old, and Stage IV. You will be entirely different. Each of us have to have the pieces of the puzzle put together piece by piece and not all of it concludes to the ovarian cancer diagnosis. Stay calm and live in the moment. Start a journal writing down all your symptoms, appointments, etc. to refer back to later. Saundra

kristinem
Posts: 13
Joined: Oct 2008

Hi all,
Yesterday was a good day. I was calm, my stomach did not hurt really at all. Today I woke up prayed and felt ok. All of a sudden I feel very sad. MY kids are home today and im staying away from them! I just feel like im going to explode inside. I still have the rest of the week till monday and the MRI. This is so hard waiting to see what is going on with my body. Im going to call and see if I can get a quicker appt. My heart is beating out of my chest with worry.... any words for me

ggggsister
Posts: 38
Joined: Sep 2008

Hi Kristen, my sister reported her symptoms to me back in April and they sounded just like the symptoms for Crohn's disease (which my daughter has). I was just sure that was what she had. Your symptoms could be related to Crohn's disease. Have your docs suggested that? Stay positive...and don't avoid your children!!!! No regrets. I pray that your doctors will bring you good news.

umaof6's picture
umaof6
Posts: 25
Joined: Mar 2008

Hi Kristinem, I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry that you are going through so much anxiety. When I was diagnosed with cancer, my husband had to call my GP and get anti anxiety script for me. I was able to sleep a lot with the aid of the medicine. I realize that you can't do that since you have children at home. I also prayed and cried a lot. Thank goodness my children are grown and were compassionate to my feelings. Although, the grandkids didn't understand why I was so sad. Hang in there.

My cancer was found through CT scan and CA125 tests. I was having "colon" issues. There are so many other things you could have other than cancer. Of course, we don't realize this until we have tests and do a little research.

I will pray that all goes good for you. Keep you chin up.

((hugs)) Carol

lindachris's picture
lindachris
Posts: 175
Joined: Aug 2007

Hi Kristenem. Not another woman here, but a husband whose wife has gone through two rounds of cancer treatment. Just a year ago we were in the thick of chemo and she was so tired and worn out emotionally. Indeed she required some support through anti-anxiety medicine and anti-depression meds too. It was necessary. As caregiver I ultimately took some anti-anxiety medicine as well. It just is difficult. As for strategies leading up to steps in diagnosis, our philosophy going in always was: "It is what it is." No imagining the worse. Many times our fears were much greater than the reality, even when the reality wasn't that good. Many times there have been options and ways to address what's going on. We went through ascites and emotional drains and fatigue last year. The previous treatment was more about pain from chemo (fixed through adjustment) rashes and discomfort. All things we addressed working with the doctors. And the worry wondering whether it is cancer and wanting to push appointments up: Understandable. The media has done stories that the waiting for news about treatment is difficult for all cancer patients. You are right to pray for strength and sustaining hope. Because there is hope in what can be done for cancer patients and also hope in the Lord. God Bless you and keep coming to the site. These women helped me and by proxy helped my wife. When you're scared, let it out! Write it down. Keep a journal of your own too. It helps you own and dissuade your fear and turn it into determination to do what you need to do to get and stay healthy

Chris

kristinem
Posts: 13
Joined: Oct 2008

Dear Chris and others,

Thanks again for your words of wisdom and hope. I'm trying so hard to have the :What ever it is it is" kind of attitude. I knwo that for a long time I have felt so removed from God, and no matter how hard i tried to get close i gould juts not feel it. But since this has happened I'm really trying to put my life in his hands and im praying ever so hard that im ok... Not sure if anyone else has ever felt this but, I really feel like if I was going to have to die I would be ok with it. Now noone wants to die but if it was my fate then so be it. BUT my children may little children to have to suffer and see so much is really what brings on the anxity !!!! my daughter is 10 and my son is 5 and they are my life. I smell my kids cloths when they are not home that is how much I need them... Maybe that is crazy. My mother was very into her own life and i always felt alone as a child. So maybe i have made my kids need me to much. I know im just drving myself crazy at this point till Monday and the tests are done. My prayers are with you all for strengh and the will to fight for what ever your reasons may be, You all now know mine. My Victoria and Michael.

lindachris's picture
lindachris
Posts: 175
Joined: Aug 2007

I know these emotions feel foreign in some ways. We all know God can feel far away even when you need help the most. Caring for your kids is nothing to feel guilty about. Even indulging them in your love and care to a fault is expected. You love them. They love you. Of course they need you.

What I do suggest is if the weather is not so bad by you, get outside with your children. Let them romp and play with you. Get fresh air. Breathe. Live in the moment. Hardest thing in the world to do sometimes, but you'll sooner or later feel reconciled that right this minute you are very much alive and with your children. But you need to go "be" and let the worries float up into the sky. Even if it's cloudy out! Pray on the move if you have to. Keep an eye open for the little things God sends us. Signs of love and care. Unexpected phone calls from friends. Your child grabbing your hand when you least expect it. The care of a nurse who takes a bit of extra time with you. You can do this. No need to analyze your life just now. There will be time for that if you need it. And if your brain runs on, pick up a $3.00 notebook at the office supply store and write it all down. Everything that bugs you. Take control through your own words. You'll see that God slips between the cracks. Fills you up. Gives you strength.

And let yourself rest. Get sleep. Be patient. The doctors will do their best. God Bless.

saundra's picture
saundra
Posts: 1390
Joined: Mar 2007

I have been on 10 mg Paxil (generic of) which is an anti depressant and anti anxiety prescription. I was not sleeping and this evens me out so that I don't get that panic feeling. It does take a week to 10 days to start working. You might talk to your doctor about it and be honest with how this waiting is making you feel.
Saundra

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