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new here and dealing with my cancer and friend who palliative

Asha
Posts: 3
Joined: Sep 2008

hello, i am new to this site, and the web communications. I was surgically treated for my cancers in 2006. Very early grade cancer. There are other health issue rendering me handicapped. I have no words to express how helpless i feel for my friend who is like a younger brother to me. He had some issues 2 years ago, but recently,the past 3 weeks, the melonoma have taken over. He is stage 4. All he wants to do is fly to see his mother, and begin the accepted clinical trial in November. His sister can not hear him. She has made appts had all of us running him from trial to trial appointment. I am trying not to be caught i the middle, but I am. Suggustions?

NETsurvivor's picture
NETsurvivor
Posts: 16
Joined: Oct 2008

Asha,

I am so sorry that you feel caught in the middle. I am not sure I have any profound advice for you. I can relate though, both with your friend and his sister. I am stage IV also. When I was diagnosed, I had way too much advice from many people. Those closest to me were devastated by the news.

His sister feels it is her mission to save her brother. Your friend needs to sort through all the help his sister is trying to give him and firmly state what he will or will not be willing to do. We need to be in control of our own choices and our own destiny.

All I can see that you can do is try to support your friend and if you know his sister well, try to support and reassure her that while her brother may not choose to follow all her suggestions that you understand she is doing so out of love. Then try to encourage her to let him make his own choices.

Asha
Posts: 3
Joined: Sep 2008

Thank you, your kindness and sharing mean a lot to me.I guess I should trust my spirit (inner) voice more. It is full of more loving discernment than I, alone am capable of. Three of us told her just as you suggusted He has a Bucket List, he shared it, and his hopes of survival. It is happening even as I reply to you. My lessson is; We all have a rule book. The book of what/how we think ourselves/others should do or be. When it comes down to it, all I need to do is put the rule book down, speak openly and honestly.Indura Ghandi said you can't shake hands with a closed fist. I think a closed mind can fog our understanding what another needs, too. Thank you, adgain, NETsurvivor.Asha

NETsurvivor's picture
NETsurvivor
Posts: 16
Joined: Oct 2008

Asha, I glad that some resolution is coming to the situation. You said it really well about the rule book. I have never thought of it that way but yes, we all tend to judge each other and think we know what's best. I like your picture of putting the book down (very visual) and then speaking openly and honestly. I do wish the best for you, your friend, and your friend's sister. Your fellow traveler in the cancer journey, NETsurvivor

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