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My mom is nearing the end

believer28
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2007

My mom was diagnosed 3 wks after I was diagnosed with breast cancer with colon CA with mets to the liver. It was too advanced for surgery so she started chemo. Actually, we started chemo on the same day and went together every other week for 4 months. My chemo stopped, hers never did. This was 2 yrs ago. She has been switched several times to new chemo drugs and now the cancer is winning. She is losing weight, has virtually no appetite and is getting that "look" about her. I know we are blessed in that she outlived the predictions, but she is my best friend. I don't know how to do this. Intellectually, I understand it, but emotionally, I can't. My dad passed away last year and I know Mom misses him so and soon they will be together in heaven. That I am sure and it does give me peace, but sadness overwhelms me. Anyone's experience similar to mine, how do you handle losing your MOM/best friend..............

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

I survived metastatic testicular cancer only to lose every member of my immediate family in the years that followed, my mother two years ago this month. I decided to remain in our family home, where I feel spiritually connected to my family, as if they were still with me. I could share incidents that have occurred here, but you would think me delusional! The point being that you may find comfort in things that were important to your mother, be it a house, sweater, book, coffee cup, dish, whatever, and keep it close anytime you wish to establish a connection. Know also, that "they" are not really ever gone from our lives, they have merely made a transition to a happier pain-free existence.

Love and Courage!

Rick

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

You're very welcome, Zahalene! (Today, is my 57th birthday and I am celebrating at home, with my family!)

Rick

TereB
Posts: 288
Joined: May 2003

Happy Birthday, Rick and many happy returns!!!
TereB

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

Thank you very much, TereB!

Rick

janinemah's picture
janinemah
Posts: 53
Joined: Feb 2006

I lost my mom/best friend a year ago June 7th to brain cancer. My life feels empty without her, I try to find things to fill it up but its hard. Somedays are better then others.

Eil4186's picture
Eil4186
Posts: 967
Joined: Dec 2007

Hi Believer, I am so sorry about your losing your Dad, and now your Mom doing so poorly. It must be very, very difficult for you. As you said, it is a blessing that your Mom has been able to be with you these last two years. I know though that no matter how long we are given with our parents, it will never seem like enough time. My Mom committed suicide when I was 25, and the shock was devastating. I think of her and miss her all the time. My Dad died of a stroke but not before we watched in horror as Parkinson's and dementia slowly and cruely took everything that he loved away from him one thing at a time, till eventually he had trouble even talking and swallowing. All of the things that he liked to do that brought him joy; taking walks, gardening, even cooking, eating and laughing were all taken away. It was unbearable to watch and know we could not do anything to stop it fom progressing. Losing a parent is one of if not the worst things that one can go through. You never think that your Mom or Dad will die and then one day it happens and things are never the same. You are right about them being in heaven together some day and that will be glorious for them. I try to remember that myself about my own parents. I will keep you in my prayers that you will stay strong and endure this difficult time. Blessings, Eileen

puppy28360's picture
puppy28360
Posts: 6
Joined: Aug 2008

Believer28 i know how you are feeling right now. In August of 2006 I was told that my mom had double lung cancer and I was appointed the task of being her primary caretaker. On December 30, 2006 we lost her. In Jan. of this year, my dad was diagnosed with lung and brain cancer. We lost my dad on Feb. 22, 2008 and that was the hardest thing I have ever been through. I lost both of my parents in just a little over a year. The old saying that you think your parents will never die is said by alot of people, but when reality sets in, it hits you like a bomb. Yes when my mom dies a piece of my heart dies with her because she was my best friend in the world. I was holding her when she took her last breath, and when my dad died I was holding him in my arms. May you have peace when she passes and I send you and your mom lots of hugs and prayers.

freddyfox
Posts: 10
Joined: Sep 2009

god bless you sir. life is hard . death is easy i believe. we have to have faith in this world full of unknowns. you seem like a man (pic) so at least u got 2 b appreciative of the time you had with them.they got to see you grow.

RE's picture
RE
Posts: 4606
Joined: Feb 2004

I am so sorry that your Mom is so ill. I do understand, my mom and I were in chemo at the same time as well. She was my dearest friend, we chatted daily and each night would call each other to say good night. My mom passed on 8/18/2000. To this day I miss her so much. I must add that time does make it a bit easier. I know that my mom is in heaven and that helps as well because I will see her again someday. At first the sadness was all consuming now i can think of her and smile at all the great memories and all the gifts she gave me. When my mom passed i sat down and wrote down all the things about her i could think of so i would not forget. Her fav color, her jokes, her sayings, special things she did. Occassionally i revisit it and it is comforting. Mom's are special and cannot be replaced. My heartfelt prayers go out to you and your mom.

Hugs,

RE

caseyface
Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2008

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am an 18 year old girl, and my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer over 10 years ago. At the time, they gave her about 6 months to a year to live, and yet she is still around today. But now, it seems like she is not doing well at all. It seems as if it is very close to the end, so I know how you are feeling. It's scary. My mother is my best friend, and I love her more than anything. You just need to hold on to everything good about her, but slowly start loosening your grip on her physical existence. I compeltely agree with you that its much easier to understand intellectually, and not emotionally. But take comfort in the people around you, especially her. I'm sure your mother doesn't want to leave you on this earth without her, but it is inevitable. Stay strong. You can get through this. I know you can. If you ever need to talk, you're welcome to talk to me. Good luck and you're in my thoughts.

Destry
Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2009

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I lost my mother on Jan 17, 1995 to lung cancer. Being the youngest of seven, I took it pretty hard. She was my best friend, my rock, my everything. I miss her very much and cried just a few hours ago. My father just passed away on June 21,2009 (Father's Day)and now I am just lost and very emotional. I know they are in HEAVEN together and that's giving me peace of mind. My father waited 15 years to be with my mom (his wife)again. I am a christian and will definitely be reunited with them both when it's my time to go. Just remember that the LORD will help you through it and Faith will see you through each day no matter what may come and when your journey is complete, tis faith that leads you home. GOD BLESS

marc24
Posts: 92
Joined: Mar 2009

yes intellectually i kinda got the idea of what and why my mom passed away but emotionally, i feel like crap...im only 24 yrs old and i saw my mom take her last breathe....to be honest, ur mom isnt gone so try to really spend all her time with her because my biggest regret was even though i was with her every night, i didnt take a leave of absence from my work for her 4 month battle..instead i worked worked worked....bad idea...she is now gone but in a better place....again its tough for me to deal with it and i cried rivers the day before she died since i knew what was coming the day after...even the palliative director stopped by to talk to me that my mom was "dying"...and i was asked earlier if i wanted my mom to be continually in life support breathing machine, and it was tough to think for me and for anyone else...like i said spend every minute with her and really do your best to impress her if she does pass away...my goal now in life is the same as ever, make sure to grow up well and show that my mom didn't give me life for no reason so my future is now to become the best person, best friend, best future husband, best future father, best on anything since i know i will meet her again eventually and she will whoop my a** up there if i don't....think positive and we can all get through this eventually, hope she gets better and i am truly pulling for your family as i completely understand 100% what u are going through...thanks for sharing as this post helps me release my emotions too...thank you

sue Siwek
Posts: 281
Joined: Jun 2009

believer, i too lost my parents . my father died of a heart attack and 6 mo. later my mother from cancer. actually, she just gave up because she couldn't fight it with out my father. my siblings and i all had families. we all took turns caring for her. none of us had regrets because our parents had been wonderful parents and now it was our turn. that was twenty yrs ago and i still miss them. i am comforted by the fact that they are buried next to each other along with their youngest child who proceeded them. i believe they live forever in the hearts and minds of their children and grandchildren and indeed my grandchildren know of them. memories are dear.

freddyfox
Posts: 10
Joined: Sep 2009

I am 22 and i lost my mom july 10. its all ****ed up now. not fair, but **** what is???...my mom was my whole life. best friend,etc..... NO WORDS WILL HELP US. NO WORDS WILL DESCRIBE MY PAIN. I am destroyed and have no soul left yet there are positives..she will no longer suffer something she never EVER DESERVED. she was and is (she is still here, only physical left)the BEST MOM I COULD HAVE EVER ASKED FOR.

YOUR DEAR MOMMY is STILL HERE ....BE WITH HER AND LOVE HER ALL THE TIME....ALL WE HAVE IN THIS WORLD IS APPRECIATION...WITHOUT IT WE ARE DOOMED.

GOD BLESS AND PLZ KEEP ME UPDATED...I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR PAIN TO NOT OVERCOME YOU. If i was suicidal i would have left because i know what your going through--PAIN!!SO MUCH ******* PAIN. I watched my older brother get murdered infront of my eyes _ PAIN , My mom was the only good thing left ..and now shes gone too. LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME...LIVE FOR THE MOMENT AND DAY .We are ALLL born to die. GOD BLESS YOU

devangray
Posts: 3
Joined: Sep 2009

It's so heartbreaking that I can say I can relate to your story. I'm 19 & the past few months I have watched my mother become unrecognizable. She was so jaundice from the cancer being in her liver ( stage IV colon cancer ), and the closer she got to the end, the worst she began to look. Her face began to sink in from being dehydrated. Just thinking about her condition before she passed makes me start to cry. Like you, my mom was my best friend. I told her everything, even things I probably shouldn't have told her. My biggest fear throughout my whole life was that I'd lose her, the person I needed the most, and sadly, it happened. I know what it's like to feel helpless. I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep at night. And I know what it's like to bury the person you loved the most in life. I wish that nobody had to go through the things we have had to go through, but I figure God doesn't give us anything we can't handle.. so I hope you find peace through all of this and that this makes you only love people more deeply.

Devan

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