Some People Are Never Satisfied....

chenheart
chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I am truly glad that this is a venting place~ I am positive I need my attitude adjusted, and you are The Women to do that for me! So I thank you in advance....

Saturday I went to a birthday party for my brother -in-law. My b/f and I drove 400 miles to surprise him and the family where they were having dinner. ( My sister knew we were coming, but kept it from the rest of the family). We had a great time! Celebrations are always wonderful!

We toasted his turning 57~ we toasted his daughter's engagement~ and when I announced that it was also my 5 YEAR anniversary of BC surgery...well, the Hoorah's were not quite as forthcoming. It wasn't quite as if I had passed the proverbial gas in church,but the celebratory mood temporarily changed.

So, here's my need for mood adjustment: On the one hand, I want this Beast to be a part of my past ( who doesn't?) but I also wanted, and perhaps NEEDED the hugs and hoorah's for my 5 year milestone! I must admit, although I covered it well, I was hurt by the non-reaction I received to what I consider momentous!

Help me out, Sisters! I admire and respect your opinions and insight, and it is obvious I need it now, isn't it?

Hugs,
Claudia
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Comments

  • babs49242
    babs49242 Member Posts: 193
    Happy ,congrats dance for you on your 5fer!!! they jest don't understand the great milestone of life! Piss on them...we'll HIP HIP HORRAH for you!!! Go have a banana split or hot fudge donut!!
  • kbc4869
    kbc4869 Member Posts: 159
    Hi Claudia,

    I'll share something that a director at work told me when I was diagnosed with BC . . . she was the first person I told at work . . . not being a survivor, I'm not sure how she knew this, but she did . . .

    She told me to prepare myself for some people to treat me differently because they'd be uncomfortable with not only cancer, but BREAST cancer. Especially men. She told me that if I was a 50 year old man that had just had a heart attack, they'd be clapping me on the back like I'd completed some rite of passage. I didn't believe her at the time -- I thought -- surely my cancer isn't going to scare anyone -- not anyone normal or reasonable anyway.

    But it did. Not everyone, but a lot of people. And some people I would have never thought were so small minded. They are uncomfortable with the C word, and even more uncomfortable that it's in your [gasp] breast! When you made your declaration about hitting a milestone, they probably thought that the fact that you got it in the first place was horrible. Remember when you'd meet or hear about people with cancer before being diagnosed? How you thought -- how awful! How can they deal with that? They could die. I could never deal with something like that! But it happens and we all deal with it one way or another.

    And if your family is like mine, they'd probably just prefer that you pretend it never happened.

    I say screw em'. Congratulations! Bring on the cake and beer!

    Hugs,
    Kim
  • 3cbrca
    3cbrca Member Posts: 206
    Hi Claudia
    HOOHRAH!!
    CONGRATULATIONS on your 5 years and big hugs to you. It is a momentous event and you've earned the right to celebrate!!

    I'm slowly learning that others not only don't always get it, but I also trying to accept that some will likely never get it! There are some people with whom I share nothing (good or bad) about my cancer and others with whom I share very little. It makes them so uncomfortable that it always creates that "mood shift" that you are talking about and then I feel guilty, and mad, and I feel like I have to "fix it" or make the recovery that you mentioned.

    Sad to say - some of these people are my family and others "were" friends. You probably know after 5 years who the people are that will celebrate with you - plan a celebration and a toast to you with them. You deserve it.

    Here's a virtual toast: To Claudia - You are fabulous!
    She
  • skt48
    skt48 Member Posts: 19
    3cbrca said:

    Hi Claudia
    HOOHRAH!!
    CONGRATULATIONS on your 5 years and big hugs to you. It is a momentous event and you've earned the right to celebrate!!

    I'm slowly learning that others not only don't always get it, but I also trying to accept that some will likely never get it! There are some people with whom I share nothing (good or bad) about my cancer and others with whom I share very little. It makes them so uncomfortable that it always creates that "mood shift" that you are talking about and then I feel guilty, and mad, and I feel like I have to "fix it" or make the recovery that you mentioned.

    Sad to say - some of these people are my family and others "were" friends. You probably know after 5 years who the people are that will celebrate with you - plan a celebration and a toast to you with them. You deserve it.

    Here's a virtual toast: To Claudia - You are fabulous!
    She

    CONGRATULATIONS! I hope their will be a day in 5 years, I can say the same thing. Some people seems to not want to think about our fight with breast cancer. Thats why these forums are so helpful.Congrats again.
  • jackiemanz
    jackiemanz Member Posts: 85
    Congradulation to you. Some people just don't understand what all we have been through and what it means to make it to 5yrs.

    If you want to celebrate this milestone in your life just give me a call and I'll be there.

    Jackie
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    Claudia, that is absolutely wonderful that you have made it to 5 yrs. May you have many many more. About your relatives, well they just can't possibly understand what a milestone 5yrs is. You know alot of people seem to think it's a piece of cake nowadays and don't view it as a life threatening disease. I know it hurts.
    But listen, I'd be more than happy to come celebrate with you, Apr 3rd is 1 yr from my last chemo tx and I'm starting to feel life stir in my soul again so we can party hardy.

    You must be doing something right, so whatever you're doing, keep doing it.
    Lots of hugs
    jan
  • Claudia,, I totally understand what you mean. Cancer is an event and experience that is devastating, and while with the passing of time it begins to fade a bit from the forefront of your mind, it will never diasapear. It does become part of your life. Your anniversary is cause for celebration and you have every reason to want to share that excitement with your family. I also get the feeling that friends and family are ready to stop hearing about cancer issues(and have been for a while). They just have no idea what its like to have cancer and go through treatment. They don't know what hearing that your life is threatened feels like. That kind of fear changes you and how you look at life. Thank God we have eachother with which to talk and share. I don't know what I would do without you all or how I managed before finding the site in January. Congratulations on your big 5!!! Eileen
  • toninasky
    toninasky Member Posts: 102
    Hi Claudia,

    I agree with the fact that most don't want to know or think about what we have been through, and as good as we can feel about our surviving the Beast, unless they have walked a mile in yours, or my shoes----- well you can just forget it. If it is not about them, and people can be truly cruel, and insensitive. I will share what my boss said to me after I had a few words about my committment to my job thru my treatment. Her response was THAT IS WHAT YOU WERE EXPECTED TO DO ! Yet if she gets a hang nail she is out the door and off. AGAIN IF THEY HAVE NOT WALKED A MILE IN YOUR SHOES OR MINE OR ANY OF US, THEY HAVE NO CLUE. Pray God they never have to.
    Congrats,you have every right to be oblivious.
    I hope I can say the same in just 2 years this July.
    Toni
  • claud1951
    claud1951 Member Posts: 424 Member
    I'm barging in, again. >>>>grin>>>>

    Congratulations, Claudia! How cool is that to be cancer free for 5 years! Way to go.

    Oh Geezz. It is to bad that your family was not in celebration with you. They just don't get it.

    Now...had you driven 300 miles and seen me( while in Northern Ca), well that's a different story. We'd be celebrating big time!

    Kim did a great job in explaining the things I was thinking about.

    We are all so happy for you so don't let that mood stay very long, okay? >>grin>>

    Good vibes coming your way!!

    The "other" Claudia
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    Woooo Hoooo Congratulations on your FIVE YEAR milestone! That is truly wonderful and I am so happy for you. As many others have stated those who have not walked down the path we have just do not have a clue as to how marvelous a celebration 5 years is! You just don't bother yourself with their lack of understanding, we understand and I am rejoicing with you! May you be blessed with many many more years!

    Hug and a High Five to ya!

    Rena
  • Cindy54
    Cindy54 Member Posts: 452
    Hi Claudia..I thought I would chime in with everyone else. I think to reach the 5 year mark is just awesome!! That is one huge milestone in the battle of the beast. And I'd have to agree with the others..some people just don't get it.

    I have had "friends" avoid me just because they thought I would use the C word. Not all my conversations are about it, I usually share very little with the people I work with or my friends. In my case most of the people I know were there for me when my Mom had her ovarian cancer and I had my spinal tumor. Now to see me go through this is just too much for them I think. Yes it bothers me...I would be there for any one of them no matter what. But really the only people who can understand are the ones who have gone through this.

    I will raise my caffiene Pepsi in honor of you tonight...this is a wonderful thing. Claudia, try not to think too much about the folks who just don't get it. a HUGE hug to you...Cindy
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    Hi Claudia:

    Congrats on that important milestone. I think Kim explained everything just right. Some people are very uncomfortable with the c word, I think because it makes them aware that everyone is vulnerable to this beast of a disease. Wish I was closer to CA not clear across the country, otherwise I would have definitely celebrated with you in person, In the meantime I am celebrating with you in virtual space. I guess, once we are dx we truly know who our friends are. Don't despair because it's not worth it. We are celebrating with you and I hope that 4 years from now I can celebrate with all of you.

    Sending you virtual HUGS and KISSES.
    Love,
    Lili
  • ladybluepgh
    ladybluepgh Member Posts: 76
    Hi Claudia...congrats on your five year mark...Hip Hip Hoorah for you gf....I can't wait til I can celebrate even the first year ...you have every right to expect a celebration as you have fought to get to that mark...keep fighting..keep winning...you are a SURVIVOR!!!..take care, lady
  • bev49
    bev49 Member Posts: 42
    YEA!! Five down and many, many more celebrations to come. NO, they don't get it, but we DO..so you came to the right place to celebrate. I know how absolutley excited I was on Feb. 8th of this year to say I had 3 years down, so 5 is wonderful, and all of us understand how you feel. Congrats..Hoorah...and let the party begin! HUGS for you!
    bev49
  • LindaR48
    LindaR48 Member Posts: 26
    First "Congratulations on 5 Years!" I know how you feel. I'm approaching my 1 year since DX. I live in a RV community. At our daily gathering, I announced that I was participating in the Relay for Life and If they wanted to help I would sell them Luminaria or take donations for the event. We have several people here currently fighting this beast,so I expected them to be happy to help. The response was silence. I agree they are afraid of the C word since we have had so much exposure to it lately. I felt like you. I'm trying to do something positive for me and my friends. The least they can do is show some support.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    LindaR48 said:

    First "Congratulations on 5 Years!" I know how you feel. I'm approaching my 1 year since DX. I live in a RV community. At our daily gathering, I announced that I was participating in the Relay for Life and If they wanted to help I would sell them Luminaria or take donations for the event. We have several people here currently fighting this beast,so I expected them to be happy to help. The response was silence. I agree they are afraid of the C word since we have had so much exposure to it lately. I felt like you. I'm trying to do something positive for me and my friends. The least they can do is show some support.

    I am trying to think back to my life Before Cancer, and wondering if I was also as obtuse and non-responsive as the people I am now surrounded by! I hope to think that I was different, but perhaps I wasn't....

    Congrats on yur First Year of Survivorship, and many more to you!! Enjoy the Relay~it is an incredible experience. I visualize the names of my Kindred Spirits here on the Boards and silently chant their names as I do the laps. It helps me to truly focus on WHY I am there~ and I also imagine that I am walking for/with my friends from CSN who can't make it in person.

    Thanks for your kind words; you made my day!
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    babs49242 said:

    Happy ,congrats dance for you on your 5fer!!! they jest don't understand the great milestone of life! Piss on them...we'll HIP HIP HORRAH for you!!! Go have a banana split or hot fudge donut!!

    YUM! I think I will say, calories be damned ( may I say that??/) and have that chocolate dessert as a Reward! Thanks so much! I knew I could count on you for a great suggestion!

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    I intended to write to each of you personally and thank you for your most loving, exquisite expressions. I simply could not~ my heart is too full of admiration and gratitude for all of you to do you justice.

    May I just say Thank You for being my Real Family??? We do "get it", don't we? Much as perhaps we don't want to!

    I never imagined a life with cancer...but knowing you all has made the trip not just bearable, but a pleasure. Not the cancer part, but the connection with you.

    I only hope that sometime, in some small way, I can contribute to your emotional well-being too. It would be an honor to be able to give back to you what you have given to me....

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • Skybuf
    Skybuf Member Posts: 143
    Hi Claudia....I say "WOW" and Congratulations on your 5 years clear....that's all our goal to get a clean bill of health 5 yrs from now and 5 more yrs after that....you inspire us!!!
    I lift my hat to you girlfriend.....you go girl.
    As for the 'family' I learned a lot going thru this cancer.....you find out who your true family and friends are. And God bless them all for their support....
    way to gooooooooo
  • doodles
    doodles Member Posts: 7
    chenheart said:

    I intended to write to each of you personally and thank you for your most loving, exquisite expressions. I simply could not~ my heart is too full of admiration and gratitude for all of you to do you justice.

    May I just say Thank You for being my Real Family??? We do "get it", don't we? Much as perhaps we don't want to!

    I never imagined a life with cancer...but knowing you all has made the trip not just bearable, but a pleasure. Not the cancer part, but the connection with you.

    I only hope that sometime, in some small way, I can contribute to your emotional well-being too. It would be an honor to be able to give back to you what you have given to me....

    Hugs,
    Claudia

    Chen,
    You definately helped my well being by telling me about the website we are using now until they fix CSN chat. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Doodles