CSN Login
Members Online: 4

caregivers chat room

kasey52's picture
kasey52
Posts: 4
Joined: Dec 2007

I am interested in starting a weekly chat room to discuss the issues of being a caregiver. Anyone interested?. Let me know.

survivor51
Posts: 282
Joined: Jan 2008

Kasey,
I think that is a fantastic idea. I have two caregivers and will let them know.

evalencia
Posts: 3
Joined: Jun 2010

My father has been doing his chimo are receiving good treatment. He was a cigarette smoker for almost 33 years before chimo. Now he is in the hospital for an infection he had but is now beginning to belive there is "critters" that don't let him rest.

I know this is noy normal. Does chimo every go to brain?? Do any drugs relating to chimo have any kind of hullucinagenic properties? What is going on?

onhold
Posts: 24
Joined: Jun 2010

Yes evalencia, chemo or other cancer treatment related drugs do have an effect on the brain. Halucinations or vivid nightmares can be side effects, please bring this information to the attention of your father's nurses and doctors. Chemo can affect memory and reaction time, and can even lead to the patient making responses which don't seem appropriate to the conversation at hand. This is known as "chemo-brain", and usually goes away after chemo stops, but sometimes it takes a while. I think you should have gotten more information about chemotherapy from your father's oncologist.

grammy56
Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2010

Sweetie, don't panic! My girl went around the bend for awhile, but it wasn't the chemo, it was the infection. Once they got the anti-biotics on board she came back. I would suggest to you that you talk to the Doctor about the critter problem, a lot of times the nursing staff are helpful too.

caregiverk
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2008

I chat room for caregivers is exactly what i'm looking for. I've been taking care of my mom for about two years and i've experienced a range of emotions. We've had some highs and some lows. Some days she is overly sweet and other days she's saying some pretty ugly things to me. I have two brothers but they work and have families of their own just like i do,but they rarely come home to help out because of their obligations. I'm blessed to have my own business and my mother in law runs it while i'm away. Another blessing is the fact that my husband releases me without regrets and complaints to do what all i can to assist her. With all of this sometimes i feel that my ultimate sacrifice isn't seen and that those who rarely do anything are more appreciated. Being here is almost running me crazy. The mood swings, the negative words about me thrown from time to time is mentally draining in turn physically draining. One minute i'm the best person in the world and the next day i'm pretty much the worst person in the world. I feel guilty when i get angry and upset at the things that are said and done by my mother and even by my brothers who can do more than what they're doing. But, at the same time i think about that our emotions are all apart of us being human and that Jesus even got angry. I know that sometimes she can't help it because she is sick and is aggravated about the fact that she can't do for herself like she use to, but at times i get very upset because she's forgetting how much i'm giving up. When i think that way i feel like i'm being selfish. Anyway is there anybody out their that has been where i am now? Please tell me what did you do to cope? I pray and I fast but i don't know anybody that i can gleam from that has experienced what i'm experiencing.

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

caregiverk:

Kasey's idea is a great one, and easy to facilitate. I think all you need to do is establish a time and day each week (or month or whatever) when you are going to do it, decide on which room you are going to use, and do it.

I believe that CSN is looking forward to such groups developing over time, which is why they established two rooms beyond the 'lobby'.

In the meantime, be aware that the regular chatroom is open to all, and some of us actually prefer it that way. Personally, I believe that there is much that can be learned by survivors about the travails of caregivers, and vice versa, just as I believe that as a head/neck and lung cancer survivor, I can still learn much from those who have experienced other cancers.

The main point is, you are very welcome to come into the chat room right now and join the crowd. It is certainly not limited to survivors and, as you may imagine, some folks are both survivors AND caregivers!

Looking forward to meeting you in the Chat Room!

Take care,

Joe

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

In response to your isses beyond the chatroom, which are more important, let me simply advise that to be a good caregiver, you must take good care of yourself :). Make time for yourself, and schedule that time so that it becomes a part of what you regularly, rather than something you find reasons to set aside.

Whether it is a long walk, a bike ride, a trip to the library or book store, whatever it is, make time for yourself doing something that you find comfort and enjoyment in. Your absences will, perhaps, also make your presence at least a bit more appreciated.

Good luck!

Take care,

Joe

marybear's picture
marybear
Posts: 66
Joined: Jul 2008

hi joe it is mary from chatroom keep missing you i dont come on in the daytime i am caregiver to my husband stage 4 lungcancer no surgery he is getting weaker by the week as of yesterday his primary care phy told me after he evealuted him maybe by thanksgiving that would be it maybe sooner i would like a time frame even know ones knows but god would love a chat room for caregivers please keep me informed God bless Joe talk to you soon Mary

Gabbym
Posts: 8
Joined: Feb 2009

Gosh, some of your emotions sound just like mine. Our cases are a little different, i am caring for my husband of 29 years. It is heartbreaking to go down this road. I know the mood swings and i often get angry. I have 4 children, 3 lives close by and 1 is in Japan. When their DAd first got sick they were right there. Now, it seems to me and him that unless i call and ask them for some help ,they are not around as often.There are days that my husband says things to me or snaps at me when i remind him of his meds or another appointment that he has. I tell him i will quit if he does not stop yelling at me. I have said that so often he just smiles now. Let's be honest, our worlds have turned upside down, whether it is your Mom or my husband, life is not what we knew. I am starting to realize that it is one day at a time and one step at a time. You definately need your own time and space, I have one night a week i go to dinner with my best friend and vent. When he was under 24 hour care, i had one of our children come to the house and sit for a few hours. You need this. You are not selfish, you are human. I have had a few great comments from some of the people on this diccusion board, we are all here to help each other. You are not alone, take that time and God Bless you and your Mom.
Judy

miriam_hospital123
Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2010

caregiverk:

Caregiving is no easy task, as you have experienced. It requires you to stretch your patience in every way possible. It can be really stressful. Knowing that you are taking care of none other than a member of your family, let alone your mother barely helps. Have faith and be strong. Be sure to unwind and take a break from it every now and then for you also have a life of your own. :)

- Miriam

grammy56
Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2010

Most of the time, her anger is at her helplessness, not at you. Like you, I pray A LOT! I don't fast because I need the energy to cope with all I have to do. No matter what, you have to take some time for you!I go to my room, which is next to hers, pick up the remote, and for an hour, I take me time. She will forget how much you are giving up from time to time, because she is in a fight for her life, and all she can see is her own pain. What I did, and still do when I feel used and abused, is I stop and give thanks for her, and thanks to Him for sustaining and giving me the strength and courage for the day. I ask Him to ease her suffering so that she might be kinder to me, and if she isn't, I thank Him anyway.

hollyw80
Posts: 5
Joined: Sep 2008

I AM NEW TO THIS AND AM JUST STARTING MY JOURNEY AS A CAREGIVER AND WOULD LOVE TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO OTHER CAREGIVERS. LET ME KNOW THAT STATUS. THANK YOU

dell3
Posts: 7
Joined: Oct 2008

Will definetely like a chat room, please let us know

arbrab's picture
arbrab
Posts: 55
Joined: Nov 2007

In 2007 march my soul mate passed from lung cancer. I was his soul caregiver. A job that I wouldn't trade for in a million years. I have been in the Chat Room that Joe is talking about and have learned so much from survivors to caregivers old and new. But, we do need a place where it's just caregivers. Where we can talk about what each of us has been through and maybe help each other with the after. I go to the chat room because I still haven't a clue as to what I should be doing with my life now. And there are angels in there that have helped me deal with alot of issues. But, someone else with a life experience that has lost a loved one to cancer or death in general is sometimes a greater help than those who have not experienced this at all. I in fact just lost my first sibling to lung cancer = he was 62. Amd #4 of 11 kids. Also I am dealing with #8 a sister going through chemo and radiation for tongue cancer. Yes, i do have a full plate. It is hard to deal with the stress of just being a caregiver, but the added stress does take it's toll.
I would have to tell my mate everywhere I went in the house or just if I stepped outside to get fresh air. And alot of times wanted to just pull my hair out. So Please lets start a chat room for caregivers. we can still go to the regular chat room if we want.

Bevie
Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2010

I just lost my fiance' to lung cancer june 13th of 2010...I am now going through the anger stage. It took my whole life to meet this man and we never got our happily ever after. We had been together would have been 2 years aug 1st. At the 1 year mark he was diagnosed with cancer. It went from the lung to the brain then liver then spine. He was only 54 years old. I miss him so. I was his only caregiver. What now??? What do I do with the rest of my life?????? Help!

Bevie
Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2010

I just lost my fiance' to lung cancer june 13th of 2010...I am now going through the anger stage. It took my whole life to meet this man and we never got our happily ever after. We had been together would have been 2 years aug 1st. At the 1 year mark he was diagnosed with cancer. It went from the lung to the brain then liver then spine. He was only 54 years old. I miss him so. I was his only caregiver. What now??? What do I do with the rest of my life?????? Help!

1blessedamongus
Posts: 15
Joined: Aug 2010

My husband is 59 and was diagnosed just 2 1/2 years ago with lung cancer. He was just recently placed on hospice and has his good days and his bad days where he sleeps all day. On his good days when he is able to walk a little I think maybe we have another year or so then on the days where he is too weak to stand or eat I fear the end is near and that scares me to death. We have had good years mixed with bad years and I love him so but I wanted to retire with him and not have to worry about working when we got older. I am so afraid of being by myself as I have never really had to ever spend one night by myself because I am a scaredy cat. What will help me stay sane when our world falls apart soon. I love being home with him (I have taken FML )as his caregiver-we get to talk and just be with each other and we are able to talk about death. I try to focus just on him and stay in the Word because I intellectually know I can call on God to see me through but then I let worry creep in. How are you able to hold up after you loved ones death.

joanettefri
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2014

call me  at 502 356 5546 because im really scared of being alone

arbrab's picture
arbrab
Posts: 55
Joined: Nov 2007

so i know that you have already had a caregivers chat, but is there any way that the caregivers can be notified when these chats are. The chat room is a very good place for anyone, but I would like to chat with other surviving caregivers and know what their feelings are, what they are going through and how they are dealing with life now that their loved one is gone.

Thanks
barbra

itismepsa's picture
itismepsa
Posts: 21
Joined: Dec 2008

I am interested in the chatroom has anyone started it yet? It would be of great help!

itismepsa's picture
itismepsa
Posts: 21
Joined: Dec 2008

msn offers a free blog site. if anyone is interested my new blog site is http://itismepsa.spaces.live.com/blog/?&_c02_vws=1. if anyone wants we can chat.
Paula

2006 mainewife
Posts: 3
Joined: Sep 2008

Yes it would be nice to see a chat room for caregivers too as I am a caregiver for my Husband who has a few months left he has a brain tumor GBM stage 4

Mannie
Posts: 51
Joined: Oct 2008

I noticed that your husband was diagnosed with a GBM in March 2007. That was my original diagnosis in March 2007 and when I read that I felt like someone sort of punched me in the gut because it took me back to that unfortunate St. Patrick's Day. My diagnosis was changed to an astrocytoma about 4 months later. Fortunately for me I am as cancer free as I can be and we are watching what's left so I'm doing well. How is your husband doing? My heart really goes out to you because I know what you're dealing with, I remember. I will give you my e-mail address if you're interested, let me know.

Please take good care of yourself.

Mannie

marybear's picture
marybear
Posts: 66
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi my name is mary and i am caregiver to my hubby he has stage4 lung cancer nscl no surgery spread to lymph nodes and other lung diagnosed in june of 2008 only symptom was weight loss too far gone now nothing they can do we tried one chemo it almost killed him he ended up in hospital in ccu with heart failure no more chemo we tried 3 months tarceva lung cancer pill no good tumor got larger as of dec5,08 cat scan tumors on spleen and kidneys we have hospice now in the house he wants to die at home i am trying to keep to his wishes he may have a week or two or a month dont know up to God now very hard on me taking care of him watching him slowly die in front of me how are you handling your husbands condition mainewife it is so hard please keep in touch i will give you my email so you contact me personally cant wait for a chatroom just for caregivers my email is marybear6@aol.com hang in there Mary

hunpot's picture
hunpot
Posts: 90
Joined: Nov 2008

mary i had to take care of mom with hospice as her wishes too were to stay at home she used to be CNA nurse so she knew how nursing homes were. It was the hardest thing to sit and watch your loved one die and wither away and suffer nowing there is nothing you can do or say to make it easier.
All i could do was just give her encouragment, love, hold her, support and be there for her and try to tell her everything i wanted her to know before it was too late just sit and listen to her or just be there so she wasnt alone. maybe it was bad of me but i just wanted her to fight and not leave me it was so hard to sit with her everyday nowing she was going to die was just a matter of time but with the great nurses and volunteers of hospice they seemed to make things a bit easier explaning and telling me what goes on. I was able to keep mom home up until 4 days before she passed she told me she couldnt do it anymore and needed to go to nursing home that she didnt want to be alone even for a second, i CRIED AND CRIED and told her NO but she told me it was time i told her she was crazy she was doing great walking eating, bathing everything on her own, we had everything under control but she must of new she insisted she always thought she was a burden and didnt want me to have to take care of her even though i wouldnt of done anything differntly. Think she wanted to give me break at night or something ill never now. So we put her in home she was good and happy with it she liked it there for 2 days she was fine then on saturday something happened was strange all of a sudden and no warning sat by bedside and didnt move for 2 days till she passed.

My heart goes out to you I could only imagine if it was my husband he is the love of my life I dont know what i would do without him.

Try to stay strong and just be there for your husband everyday, tell him you love him, support him, hold him,tell him hes been great to you and youll never forget him also tell him youll be OKAY, our loves one fight and struggle because they dont want to leave us behind they want to know we will be OKAY and be able to survive with out them, I think that is what mom liked hearing the most, it was so hard but i had to tell her i would be okay and be strong for her and go on and make her happy. MAy god bless you during this difficult time and guide you along.

charbannon
Posts: 8
Joined: Oct 2009

this is a year to the day, how ironic. yes, i have been wanting to chat for quite awhile, which is a few months now, but when is i seen the date , i just let it go, then i thought what is it going to hurt to try .

charbannon
Posts: 8
Joined: Oct 2009

paula are you still on the network,iam a caregiver for my husband ,he has esophageal cancer for 2 yrs now stage 4, they stopped any treatment because he is only 103 lbs. definetly not . strong enough for chemo. we do have hospice coming in , with the hope he can build himself up and then when he is strong enough ,he wants to continue treatment, he's determined to fight this ugly disease well, paula this is my update on my husband. and the date is 12/28/09 if your still with the network, please reply, me email is charbannon@gmail.com

charbannon
Posts: 8
Joined: Oct 2009

paula are you still on the network,iam a caregiver for my husband ,he has esophageal cancer for 2 yrs now stage 4, they stopped any treatment because he is only 103 lbs. definetly not . strong enough for chemo. we do have hospice coming in , with the hope he can build himself up and then when he is strong enough ,he wants to continue treatment, he's determined to fight this ugly disease well, paula this is my update on my husband. and the date is 12/28/09 if your still with the network, please reply, me email is charbannon@gmail.com

charbannon
Posts: 8
Joined: Oct 2009

marybear, i'm sure if your still with the network, you would be able to read what i sent to paula, well everything i said to paula i also meant for you. please reply, if your still with the net. thanks char

marybear's picture
marybear
Posts: 66
Joined: Jul 2008

i am sorry to hear what you went through with your mom but joe wants to die at home trying to give him his wish hospice doctor coming tomorrow morning with tell me me i am sure i love him with all my heart but i cant do this for a month or 2 need to know what is going on here
his hands are swollen the hospice nurse expects me to change his bandages everyother day i dont have time for this she comes in once a week i pay privatley for a girl to come in and change his whole colostomy wafer and all 2 times a week a aide will not help me she cant change his wound dressings or colostomy so what is the point i will do it on my own i dont need a aide yet until he cant get out of bed anymore then will consider one thank you for replying to me best wishes for a happy and healty new year i dont know what the new year holds for me but pray to god to take him quickly so he doesnt suffer or me thank you mary

hunpot's picture
hunpot
Posts: 90
Joined: Nov 2008

I hope you are able to fullfill his wishes he may change his mind i wanted mom to die at home and thats what she really wanted but she changed her mind. Its strange how the mind thinks during difficult times.
Hospice should be coming in more often maybe you can ask and suggest, moms nurse came in 2 to 3 times a week sometimes more when she was having bad weeks. But they do expect you as the primary caregiver to take care of their needs, meds, bandages, feedings,etcc its gets to be alot on us when all we want to do is just hold them and spend time not take care of them. moms aide would clean the house for me change her bed and do laundry and clean bathroom etcc that way was one less thing for me to do they wouldnt help take care of mom either but if i had to run to store for something at least they were there for half hour, hour to give me a break and if something happened they could callme. I took all the help i could get from anyone even had hopsice volunteers come to the house 2 days week for a few hours so i could do errands or just spend an hour with friends, hubby or family members get a bite to eat.
I hope your new year is well it may start off hard but in time will get better try to take care of yourself so joe sees that you are fine will make his time left more pleasant and he may even let himself go sooner its hard to see the one we love die and suffer but we know in the end they are finally at peace and no more pain.I hated hearing those words form everyone but now i understand and thats what gets me through each and everyday is nowing shes in no more pain and not suffering as she suffered so much the last month. GOD BLESS

itismepsa's picture
itismepsa
Posts: 21
Joined: Dec 2008

On Tuesday's at 6 p.m. CST we will use chatroom 2 for any caregivers interested. Anyone interested please join us. If anyone would have a better time let us know.
Paula

JON-1
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2009

Just to let you know I'll try to get there. I, took care of my 1/2 sister with lung cancer for a yer now 'm care giver for her husband who has brain cancer. It's a different situation all together. My sister could and would tell me in know uncertain terms what was going on with her. My brother-in-law answers"I don't know" or " I'm fine". It makes it very frustrating. Also I'm just learning the computer and about this program Thanks

jonib
Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2004

My husband has Stage IV Male Breast Cancer. He has been fighting this for 4 1/2 years. He decided last month he was done with treatment. We have brought Hospice in for the past month on a weekly basis, until we need them more. I am still working full time. My heart is breaking as I watch this disease literaly eat away at him. He is down to 142 pounds, skin and bones. I know that things are going to get worse. The doctor told us last month that he would not see Christmas 09. I know that we have some really rough times ahead of us. I think the Hospice program will be wonderful for us. I guess my question is when do you know when you need to stop working to be with them 24/7. jonib

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

joni b, you raise an interesting question, but it may be lost within this particular discussion.

You may want to submit it as a new post in this same board (Caregivers). I have a feeling you will receive a number of helpful responses from those who have also been in the very place you now occupy.

Beyond that, I salute you for your provision of care to your husband. I have maintained from the first day of my first diagnosis that being a caregiver is much more difficult than whatever I have endured or will endure, and my wife has certainly borne that out, time and again.

Best wishes to you and hub. I hope that you receive some useful answers.

Take care,

Joe

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1161
Joined: May 2008

My husband is also dying, colon cancer, I also work full time, my in laws are there and hospice comes 3x a week . My hospcie nurse said that he will not get up anymore and sleep alot and then he will pass away. He also is just skin and bones now And the most heartwrenching is when he vomits eveything he puts into himself. he is aware of everything and he crys alot he is tired of it all, I feel so helpless to help him.I tell him i love him and i am sorry. I will be looking for signs and i will no its time to stay home

good luck prayers go out to you

michelle

MR_SAD's picture
MR_SAD
Posts: 91
Joined: Nov 2008

I know how tough your days are becoming. He will eat less and less. Don't try and make him eat. Cathy stoped eating all together about 4 days before she passed. She was also just so tiried of it all. It was difficult for her to keep anything in. This is a good Web site for end of Life Answers for Care Givers http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Resourcessupport/Ifsomeoneelsehascancer/Caringforsomeone
once you get there click on the left and the sheets on what to expect will come up. I just felt that I wanted to know for my self what lies ahead. This is a site in England. Take care of your self. It is just as hard on the ones that are left behind that have loved so deeply. Just take one day at a time, don't thimk ahead to far. Only time will ease the loss you are going thru. It has been 8 weeks for me. I still have some pretty rough days. Just knowing what you are going thru makes me feel so helpless. Know We are here for you.
Your Friend
Floyd

1blessedamongus
Posts: 15
Joined: Aug 2010

Dear Jonib
hope you still check in here occasionally because I am at that point of asking"When do I stop working to be home full time."I am on Family Medical Leave to be my husband's caregiver now but that is only for 12 weeks. I want to be here in the end but he is chairbound and not able to walk at this point. I could get a sitter but I don't want him to die with me out taking care of others(I am a nurse). Some days he is able to take steps and on these days I think he may get better. I know all this is wishful thinking and that as a nurse I should know better but our minds protect our hearts.

SonSon's picture
SonSon
Posts: 186
Joined: Jul 2009

I would love it - but how do I get to the chat room(s)???
Fatima

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1617
Joined: Aug 2009

I haven't been able to get in either. What's the secret? Fay

charbannon
Posts: 8
Joined: Oct 2009

i myself is new to the chat rooms, so i'm not trying to be smart, but who am i chatting with sonson or fatima. also marybear are you still with the chat room ?

charbannon
Posts: 8
Joined: Oct 2009

lets start a new chat line for caregivers for 2010.anybody interested please sign in ty charbannon

appleyellowgreen's picture
appleyellowgreen
Posts: 38
Joined: Sep 2009

Hi. I'm interested.
I'm a caregiver. My husband has lung cancer. Three operations over 4 years. Having a sleep study tonight re: apnea. Having a CT scan and an MRI next week and the 12th starts chemo.
Before his lung cancer resurfaced a few months ago, his mother had been living with us (90 years old) with lymphoma. She was treated for 12 sessions and 20 months altogether. She's doing great and finally moved home and left us alone just in time for Steve's cancer to keep us hopping.
Yeah...real interested.

ruthelizabeth
Posts: 146
Joined: May 2009

Please keep us posted on a chat room and how to get in.

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

It seems there is interest there (still), charbannon, so I, for one, encourage you to go forward with it.

I suggest that you post an email to the webmaster of this site advising that you want to be involved with (host?) a caregiver session in the chatroom, along with the date and time proposed. I suggest this because you can also ask that they post to the main page an announcement, a running announcement, perhaps, about when the caregivers meeting is.

This will help you to draw more folks seeking the excellent sort of group therapy/group discussion that you can get from such an immediate forum.

As far as I know, what I suggest is NOT a requirement to go into chat and go to one of the rooms to chat about a topic, but with that layer of authority and the hoped-for announcement, your cause will be 'legitimized' to an extent and certainly publicized.

Just a thought.

I wish you the best with this needed endeavor.

In the meantime, as others have noted, some folks, particularly, it seems, folks who are still using dialup connections, have problems getting into the chat area. For some, the real problem is merely that they have not downloaded the latest version of java's runtime environment. I believe I provide a link to what is probably the best site for downloading the JRE elsewhere in this stream, but if you need it again, let me know (CSN should, frankly, include a notice about this on the main page, too!).

Take care,

Joe

A1pena's picture
A1pena
Posts: 93
Joined: Jan 2010

My mother was just diagnosed yesterday with serous carcinoma- not sure if its uterine or ovarian. They will be running some tests on Monday with pre op on Wed and then surgery the following Monday. They are planning to do a hysterectomy and most likely chemo. I am terrified. I cant seem to stop crying at the idea of losing my mother. She is the most amazing woman and I cant imagine my life without her. Makes me even more sad to think she might not be around for my wedding or get to know her future grandchildren. Its too early to tell just how serious her cancer is or how much it has spread but just knowing that this thing is eating at her is killing me. She is only 58 and has so much life in her. All i keep doing is researching and researching thinking that somewhere I'll find an article that says its it totally curable, you have nothing to worry about. I think what upsets me the most is that my mom had symptoms back in May but didnt see a doctor until November who didnt refer her to an oncologist until January!! I cant seem to find anything pertaining to how fast cancer spreads since all cancers/patients are different. Has anyone lost a family member or friend to Ovarian/uterine cancer or know someone currently living with it? I think the biggest fear is i have is of the unknown... any advice or support would be great especially on Monday, 2/1/2010 when my mom goes in for her surgery.

Kind Regards,

Amanda

slickwilly's picture
slickwilly
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

Hi Amanda. I am sorry about your mother. I wanted to respond so your letter was not lost in this discussion board subject. Its perfectly fine to start your own subject here in the emotional support or caregiver group. Anyway, your feeling the panic many of us face when we are told we have cancer. Or a spouse, relative or friend has it. As a cancer survivor I can say the unknowns never stop. I am 7 years out of cancer and I still have questions. Its very hard not to jump to the worst conclusions when cancer is involved. There are so many factors involved with each type of cancer and patient. Your mothers physical fitness will play a big part. The will to keep going through the treatments. The ability to maintain a proper diet. The love and support she is surrounded by. We all wait for answers that don't come fast enough. After your mothers surgery I am sure you will have some answers. How far things have progressed and the stage, type ect. The next question should be "what can I do for my mother". Right now your mother needs a hug and a "I love you" from the daughter that knows she is going to beat this. I know its hard, but take one step at a time. I would almost bet that your mother had a feeling about what was going on before the doctor diagnosed cancer. A last note. Because of your name here I wondered if you were in Alpena Mi. If so I am 90 miles from you. Blessings Slickwilly

A1pena's picture
A1pena
Posts: 93
Joined: Jan 2010

Hi Slickwilly,

Thank you for your kind words. Makes me feel better to hear stories from cancer survivors. What kind of cancer did you have? Since I am new to this site I am trying to figure out how it all works...

I am actually in San Francisco- my user name is in reference to my first and last name :)

Thanks again,

Amanda

Barbara53's picture
Barbara53
Posts: 659
Joined: Aug 2009

I've been caring for my mother for a year. She was diagnosed with rather advanced OVCA, underwent surgery and chemo at age 78. When you need answers to specific questions, don't hesitate to leave them with the fine women (and men) in the ovarian forum.

Your mother will probably be around for some time to come, but the next few months will be rough. And, although it is good and right for your mother to think in terms of a long remission, you are right in that this cancer is very seldom cured. The good news is that ovarian cancer is s very slow. If the surgeon is able to achieve "optimum debulking" -- removing all visible cancer -- then she has a promising prognosis indeed. That's why with this particular cancer, it's important that the surgery be done by a specialist in ovarian/peritoneal.

There is much to learn, and everyone is different. No matter what, you will be okay. Nothing can take away your mother. You can never lose her, even if she's no longer here on earth.

A1pena's picture
A1pena
Posts: 93
Joined: Jan 2010

Thank you for your reply. I do find some hope in the surgeon that will be performing the surgery. She seems very capable and is pushing to use the da vinci robot. I guess right now, all I can do is be there for her and play the waiting game with her. Your last few sentances really touched me- i hadnt really thought of it that way.

Kind Regards,

Amanda

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network