Anyone get scared at treatment's end?

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Starleen
Starleen Member Posts: 40 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I have one more chemo treatment and I am done! Stage III with one node, colon resection, folfox after. The oxiliplaten messed me up (low platelets, low whites, diahrrea, neuropathy) so they skipped a few rounds. I thought they would tack those on at the end, but they're turning me loose!

Did anyone get scared when they finished? Like "it wasn't enough"? Or have a weird identity crisis? I feel so strange about this. I should be so happy, but I'm scared. A little.

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  • cahalstead
    cahalstead Member Posts: 118
    #2
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    Trust me, your fears and concerns are normal. I think I even posted a similar post when I was through.

    It's really scary to be done with it all, no more doc checking you out, prodding and poking. No blood work, well at least for a couple of months. You're free and it feels so strange. I'm getting used to not being poked and prodded on an every other week basis. Well, at least for now.

    You'll be fine, I've really enjoyed my freedom until now. I'm scheduled for the follow-up exams this month and that makes me a bit nervous. Having my onc's assurance that I'm okay would be just fine with me right now.

    Take good care of yourself, watch for any new symptoms and problems and enjoy life.

    I too was Stage III w/one node.

    Best wishes to you.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #3
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    Stage III, one node....3 years NED in May....

    Yup, normal. Just like graduating from High School...."And now, go out and live your life....". "Without a net." "Come see me if anything comes up." (But what IS my life?...hummmmmmm).

    I'm REALLY enjoying myself. I rarely think about the 'what if's' (don't tell my oncologist, I skipped my yearly colonoscopy last year completely....just didn't feel sick, and my gastro retired....sigh...).

    Yes, life will become fun again, if you relax and let it....

    Hugs, Kathi
  • mackabee
    mackabee Member Posts: 6 Member
    #4
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    This is my third time going thru chemo. I was (mis)diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer with spread to 3 or more lymph nodes. I say mis diag because it took quite a while before the docs finally realized that it was not an ulcer that was causing my abdominal pains. When they realized that it was something more serious than they scheduled me for a colonoscopy. This was back in 2004. By the time I got in to get my colonoscopy done I was bleeding and the abdominal pains were terrible. I knew that day that it was cancer. I did a lot of research and everything pointed that way. When I came to after the procedure the doctor and one of my sons came around the corner. I already knew what the doc was about to say. It was all over my son's face also.
    "Mr. Monterroza, we found a tumor in your colon and we believe it's cancerous. We are going to take you to surgery today." he said. Even though I expected it I went into shock. I had just lost my mother to breast cancer five months ago and I thought that this couldn't be happening. I was a few months shy of my 49th birthday. \
    Two months after my surgery I had chemo, they waited that long due to a staff infection on my wound which happened at the hospital. My first oncology doctor was totally incompetent. I was very proactive in my care and I was always suggesting to him what to do next. Since it was a military hospital and doctors there is now way you can sue them. This moron actually told me that I was "cured" after the last cycle of treatment only to find out a little less than a year later that the cancer had spread to my liver. Another round of chemo this time FOLFOX and a new doctor. She has been great so far. But the cancer just won't stay away. Last October after a pet scan they found it back in my liver and now both lungs, plus some of the lymph nodes in my belly. Tomorrow will be my 9th of 12 treatments with FOLFIRI which substitutes the Oxilaplatin with Irinotecan. I will also get the results of my second scan. The prognosis is I maybe have a year and a half left with the chemo.
    Sometimes I wish this nightmare would end right now, I'm not looking forward to a slow painful death. I saw first hand what it did to my mother.
    Sorry to go on a rant but I just had to let this out.
    In answer to your question the first time I was done with the chemo I was ok. The second time was a different story. I felt like the rug was pulled from under me. I fell into a very deep depression and my life became hopeless. I looked for professional help and I was put on anti-depressants which helped. I think what also helped was the acceptance of my disease. I was in constant denial and anger. Now I'm in acceptance and ready to go when the lord takes me, but I still have hope that somehow someway this horrible disease goes away and stays away.
  • chynabear
    chynabear Member Posts: 481 Member
    #5
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    mackabee said:

    This is my third time going thru chemo. I was (mis)diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer with spread to 3 or more lymph nodes. I say mis diag because it took quite a while before the docs finally realized that it was not an ulcer that was causing my abdominal pains. When they realized that it was something more serious than they scheduled me for a colonoscopy. This was back in 2004. By the time I got in to get my colonoscopy done I was bleeding and the abdominal pains were terrible. I knew that day that it was cancer. I did a lot of research and everything pointed that way. When I came to after the procedure the doctor and one of my sons came around the corner. I already knew what the doc was about to say. It was all over my son's face also.
    "Mr. Monterroza, we found a tumor in your colon and we believe it's cancerous. We are going to take you to surgery today." he said. Even though I expected it I went into shock. I had just lost my mother to breast cancer five months ago and I thought that this couldn't be happening. I was a few months shy of my 49th birthday. \
    Two months after my surgery I had chemo, they waited that long due to a staff infection on my wound which happened at the hospital. My first oncology doctor was totally incompetent. I was very proactive in my care and I was always suggesting to him what to do next. Since it was a military hospital and doctors there is now way you can sue them. This moron actually told me that I was "cured" after the last cycle of treatment only to find out a little less than a year later that the cancer had spread to my liver. Another round of chemo this time FOLFOX and a new doctor. She has been great so far. But the cancer just won't stay away. Last October after a pet scan they found it back in my liver and now both lungs, plus some of the lymph nodes in my belly. Tomorrow will be my 9th of 12 treatments with FOLFIRI which substitutes the Oxilaplatin with Irinotecan. I will also get the results of my second scan. The prognosis is I maybe have a year and a half left with the chemo.
    Sometimes I wish this nightmare would end right now, I'm not looking forward to a slow painful death. I saw first hand what it did to my mother.
    Sorry to go on a rant but I just had to let this out.
    In answer to your question the first time I was done with the chemo I was ok. The second time was a different story. I felt like the rug was pulled from under me. I fell into a very deep depression and my life became hopeless. I looked for professional help and I was put on anti-depressants which helped. I think what also helped was the acceptance of my disease. I was in constant denial and anger. Now I'm in acceptance and ready to go when the lord takes me, but I still have hope that somehow someway this horrible disease goes away and stays away.

    Yes, yes, yes! I felt this exact same way. It was the main thing that led me to this site, and I'm thankful for it every day. I found that knowing others reacted much the same way as I was, I was going to be ok. If the cancer returns, we fight it as hard as we can again. I also discovered that there are ways that you can continue your fight, just start doing things that will reduce your risk. I started reading informative books about reducing the risk of cancer and that helped because I felt empowered again.

    When I feel overwhelmed by fear, which happens rarely anymore, I found that a repeated prayer admitting my weakness and inability to carry the fear and asking for help eased the panic I would start to feel. You just need to find what works for you. It is a bit of an adjustment after chemo and cancer. Nobody tells you that things aren't going to be the old normal again. You will continue to heal from surgery and chemo for months to come.

    Stage III, one node.

    By the way, I am 3 years and 4 months NED.
  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    #6
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    You have had the surgery and the chemo. Your body has been hammered by being cut up and poisoned now it is time to heal and get strong you don't need any more treatment. Live your life ,stay vigilant and stay well.
    Ron stage 111 c 6 nodes 10 yrs.(((((((Starleen))))))))
  • claud1951
    claud1951 Member Posts: 424 Member
    #7
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    Hi Star,
    I was stage 3, with 2 nodes and yes..it seems strange. Like you are lost. BUT..I got over that real soon.

    My treatments ended 3 months ago. Had a colonoscopy just last month (1 year after being dx'd) and I was NED!
    Still having a few issues with pain in legs. Like deep down.

    You are so used to a routine of going to get the treatments and having the Onc nurses doing everything for you and being so nice.

    I actually had all my treatments but had to go off of the Oxil and Xeloda to another type of chemo.

    You will be just fine and you are going through normal feelings.

    Good luck to you and get out and enjoy your life!

    Claudia
  • sladich
    sladich Member Posts: 429 Member
    #8
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    When I finished my first round of chemo I definitely felt a loss. I was so scared. What you are feeling is normal.

    Debbie
  • KierstenRx
    KierstenRx Member Posts: 249
    #9
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    Starleen,
    What you are feeling is completely normal. You will probably even have more feelings surface after treatment ends. Acknowledge the way you feel and know that it is ok. I finished chemo in June 07 (Stage III rectal cancer)and am still dealilng with post treatment issues. I am so grateful to be here, but I am still having problems figuring out the "new me". I can't go back to being the "old Kiersten", but at times I'm not quite sure what to do with my new normal. It's tough relating to others sometimes because friends and family expected me to be back to my old self after I was declared NED. I am still dealing with post treatment chemo issues (neuropathy, wound healing issues).

    I have also had some depression issues after treatment. I finally realized that I needed some help and am taking an antidepressant. It has helped. I still think about my diagnosis and treatment and possible recurrance. That is normal. My one year anniversay for surgery was yesterday. I didn't let myself feel much during treatment so now a lot of these feelings are now surfacing.

    Don't be surprised what comes up as you come to a close with your treatment. Things do get better with time, but know you can still mourn your "old self" and still have bad days. It's important though to focus on the future and new goals. Don't feel like you have to put on a fake front for the benefit of others. You have been through more than most people. Take the time to heal yourself through prayer, meditation, excercise, nutrition, family, etc.... I thought I would be elated to be done with treatment, but I was totally freaked out not seeing my doctors. I like to call it doctor attachment. That aspect has also gotten better. You are a strong woman and I know with time you will be happy and less scared.

    Kiersten
  • impactzone
    impactzone Member Posts: 551 Member
    #10
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    Stage 4 here,liver and lung resection, chemo...have had a lot and I get scared all the time when I go off anything. I am currently NED...YEA... but the odds are that it will come back. The Dr. told me at Stanford that without a way to track the effectiveness of chemo and just giving you poison and hoping it kills micromets is not found to be effective. You will be closely watched...if something shows up...use some of the bullets they have in their chemo gun at that time. They said there are no studies out that show more use of chemo without signs of disease is effective in preventing recurrance. Eat well and be glad
    impactzone
  • barbc
    barbc Member Posts: 12
    #11
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    Thanks, Starleen, for posting this question, and thanks also to everyone who responded. This is exactly what I have been experiencing (stage III rectal cancer, finished treatment 8/07, NED per PET scan 12/07) and I really appreciate all the wisdom expressed here. It really helps!

    Barb
  • tmac35
    tmac35 Member Posts: 1
    #12
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    I also felt the same way. I was diagnosed with stage III Colon cancer with 15 out of 20 nodes. I am soon to go back to my oncologist for my first 3 month appointment. I am a little anxious. I am plagued with neropathy in my hands, legs, and feet from the oxyplaitin treatment. It is quite severe and my doctor has had me on 3 different anti-seizure drugs, none have helped. Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy as my doc says she has never heard of the pain increasing after treatment. Has anyone else had similar problems???

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