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how to deal with grief of husband

bksew
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2008

My husband died 4wks ago from only 8months of fight with stomach cancer!! I'm just not sure what to do with my self now!! I quit my bussiness to help him and we thought we would have more time--but we didn't!! I don't know where to go to talk!!
please help!!

survivor51
Posts: 282
Joined: Jan 2008

BK, I am sooo sorry for your loss and to only have the 8 months must be awful. How long were you married? I have dealt with grief unfortunately too much but I do know that going through all the stages of grief is extremely important. Other than the total loniness, is what to do with your time. I'm sure you were 24/7 taking care of him, doctor, test, hospitals, etc. It is a state of emergency all the time and then there is nothing. How does one deal with all the aftermath of such a tragedy? There is mail and thank yous, bills, calls, and just to make a list of tasks is unbearable. Remember to be kind to yourself. I don't know if you have children, relatives, friends, church, etc but if you do, have a cup of coffee/tea with a small group of friends. Spend time with people that you know and trust. Also, I highly recommend visiting this message board regularly and there is the chat room. I'm not sure if there is a particular day and time for people dealing with grief. You might want to ask that on the chatroom. There is a woman, Dana, that I believe is in charge of this site and she usually responds to you. I have found this number to be a life line: 18002272345. This is the ACS number and they are 24/7. Someone always answers and can talk with you or direct you for help. They don't hound you and you never receive solicitations. I even called at 2am and they are great. Sometimes just speaking/writing with a stranger helps. You will be wondering the what if I had....or the shoulda coulda list. This is OK but remember: You were there with him. Feel free to email me or respond on the message board. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Angela

hopefulone
Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

I am so very sorry for your loss. As the wife of a stage IV survivor, dx in 06 , it's very hard even thinking about losing my husband although it's something I do think about every day. I don't know what will happen if that time comes and how I will deal with it, but I urge you to get as much support as you can, whether it be family members, good friends, counselling, clergy, here. etc. A big hug and God Bless. As Angela said, feel free to email here and keeping you in my prayers.
Diane

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 7948
Joined: Aug 2005

I went to the grief counsellor at my treatment center. She also gave a seminar.

First off, take your time. I know you must be at a loss now, it's hard to believe. I lost my 22-year-old daughter last year.

I agree to go talk to your pastor. And anyone else. Grieving follows a cycle. You will go around and around, each time feeling a tiny bit more able to handle things. Don't make any big decisions now.

I'm sending big, warm, comforting hugs.

Hugs, Kathi

hpat's picture
hpat
Posts: 15
Joined: Jul 2006

I know how you are feeling. I lost my husband of 33 years to stomach cancer in September of 2007. It was after a 15 month fight and he was so sick in the end. I too thought we would have more time and that he would be a survivor. He fought hard and had a great strength. How to deal is one step at a time. Some days I feel I am doing a little better then I have a total melt down of tears. I am still trying to find a way to live without him and I throw myself into work alot. The pain is still there and I think I will always have some of it. It does get a little less. I know things will always be different and that I need to carry on. My husband would have wanted that. If you need to talk e-mail me on this sight. Maybe we can help each other as we work through this process. God Bless and hang in there.
Pat

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