Jan 17, 2008 - 7:41 pm
I am a survivor of breast cancer. Seven years ago, I got the bad news and my husband literally fainted. The doctor and I ended up taking him to the doctor's office sofa to recover. I called our pastor, told him the news. We went right over to his house for prayer. While praying, my husband was on his knees with back pain! He was present, was good with the kids, kept working etc. I would sit on the floor next to the couch if he was sleeping there and tell him I was scared. He would tell me I would be ok.
Today, I got the results of a biopsy I had because I saw some skin changes on my other breast. I was glad to hear no cancer. When I went to this new surgeon, they asked who I want present when I get results. I said a friend or chaplain. I do not want my husband to be there, or at least not to be the only one there. And I have been thinking, if he is there, he needs to bring somebody to take care of him.
That question made me face the fact that I took care of him when I found out I had cancer and I think I deserve to be taken care of if I am given horrendous news like that. I expected to hear this biopsy was benign. I was actually getting a second opinion because the first surgeon didn't think a biopsy was necessary. I never thought twice that my husband didn't come with me for the results. I didn't ask him. I am concerned that he didn't call me before to wish me luck at least or after the biopsy results to see how I did. He even called to give me a message about picking up my daughter while I was in the doctor's office...When we got home, I asked him if he remembered the reason I went to the doctor was to have a biopsy. He remembered. Then, he asked how it went. I told him I wished I could tell him I had breast cancer but I don't. Of course, I would not do that. I would never lie about that but when that came out of my mouth I thought, this is a terrible relationship. I wanted to hurt him, scare him, make him think about how I might not always be here. I am seeing a counsellor right now and will discuss this with him. But, I am wondering, is this a guy thing? Do I expect too much or not enough? I am wondering what some of you are thinking about this because you have been there on one side or the other. I am embarrassed to share this but it's time to be honest about it.