Oct 15, 2007 - 9:31 pm
I am a new CSN member and never ever thought I would be on a website expressing my thoughts about my personal life. However, I feel confused, angry and all I know is writing seems to help me feel better.
My mother was diasgnosed with kidney cancer in February 2007. Afther surgery and using medicine she seemed to get better. She has some real rough days but at times she had wonderful days. I am a recent graduate from college. I moved into my 1st apartment in Chicago on Labor Day. My mother had a check-up appointment later that week and her plan was to come to Chicago after seeing the doctor and she would help me decorate my apartment. My mom never left that doctor's appointment. The doctor found a tumor in her brain and my mother died September 9, 2007. I was there with her. I went to the hospital as soon as I found out she was admitted back into the hospital. The night before my mom passed, we sang songs, cracked jokes and talked about everything. We recited scriptures from the bible and we said "I love you" before she went to sleep. The next day, I came to the hospital. My mother squeezed my hand twice and the rest of my family showed up. My mom left me. I don't want to make anyone feel depressed or down on this website. I am just very sad and angry. My mom left very peacefully but she was my only friend. We talked everyday about 5-10 times a day about EVERYTHING. She knew everything about me. I am 23 years old and she has always been my best friend. My father, siblings and I are all close also. But no one is as close to me like my mom.
I am in need of someone holding me and hugging me, telling me that they love me. But I know the feeling will never be the same feeling I got when my mother hugged me, held me and told me that she loved me.