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Hi gals, need some advice...

lizper
Posts: 199
Joined: Nov 2006

It's been a while... update on my Mom's recurrence. She is still on chemo. She developed a hand rash on 3rd cycle so Carboplatin was changed to Cisplatin which she will start this Friday along with Gemzar. CA 125 was taken yesterday I will have results tommorrow..I pray it's working. The reason I write is the following.. as you all know we live in Mexico. My husband has been offered a job in New York he is a derivatives Trader for the Mexican Stock Market. It isn't 100% sure yet he needs to hear the offer. But I'm going through a lot of worries. Mainly my Mom's treatment and how we will pay. She has no insurrance due her age (76 in August)and no social security here in Mexico..so at the time she pays medication with her savings and they are bought in pharmacies which give lower prices instead of buying them in the hospital were they cost 3 times more. Her Onco Dr. is a good friend of my father in law so he doesn't charge anything for administration of chemo. If we do move the idea is bringing her to live with us (she lives a block away from my house now and by herself). So the otherthing I worry is they she may not except... she most probably will stay that she wants to stay here, were her family is (she has 10 siblings)and that she wants to die in her country. I'm thinking she will not like the idea of leaving her stuff behind (furniture, car, etc.) basically leaving her life behind. The only argument I have is that I love her, need her and her grandson needs her and that is all what matters. What I do know is it could be eventually better for her to be in USA because they always have more treatment options than Mexico... but I can imagine how expensive medication, tests and specially Drs. are there...what if she can't afford it?????
My Father was american and I she has Medicare Part A, I don't know if she can get Part B. That would be are only hope. I know Memorial Sloan Kettering is in NY.. and said to be a good cancer institute..but I don't know if they take Medicare. This is so hard on me... I understand how important it is for a man to have the opportunity of a lifetime to grow profesionally speaking and this opportunities come only once, and as a wife I must give support to my husband, and how important this could be for our family but this is such a bad time if you know what I mean. What can I do????? Liz.

mopar
Posts: 1950
Joined: May 2003

Liz:
What a wonderful opportunity, but at the same time I see your heart-felt dilema. You sound pretty sure your Mom wouldn't want to move, and I would completely understand that. On the other hand, your are right when you say the medical opportunities may be better for her. How much longer is her chemo? Can your husband go for a while and try this on his own, maybe have time to check things out like housing, medical facilities, etc.? That would give you time to stay behind with Mom and your son and follow through with treatment. Maybe her doctor knows someone in the NY area and can refer her and work with her regarding costs, etc.

I know there is so much to consider. Literally, write down all the pros and cons, for you, your family and your Mom. Have you talked to her yet about it? Knowing how she feels might help you to make your decision. Can her siblings help her out while you maybe check everything out in New York?

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray that whatever is best for all of you will come to light. Certainly, men have to think of what's best for their family in regard to jobs, etc. So I truly understand his position too. Let us know how it turns out.
(((Hugs)))
Monika

paula57
Posts: 93
Joined: Jul 2005

Hi! Most all DR's and Hosp's will take Medicare. There is a certain time of the year that you can buy back the Medicare Part B but it can be costly. Your Mother may qualify for Medicaid and there is no cost but some DR's and Hosp's will not accept it. So while your checking things, check on Medicaid also. I wish you the best of luck. My prayers are with you.

Paula

paula2
Posts: 163
Joined: Oct 2005

Hi Liz, Hope you are making progress with finding information about medical coverage in the US for your Mom. Have you tried using your computer? Most programs will have a website.

I am writing to express only an opinion, and that is that if I were your Mom and I wanted to live and die in my own country and with the extended family she has there, then that should be honored. Moving her will be life altering in itself.

It sounds like your Mom is receiving the same meds as the rest of us...as there is a protocol for recurrence of ov cancer that includes a list of chemos to try. If she cannot afford them, sometimes the drug companies will respond with help...again, check their website...or maybe the pharmacist.
My point is really that quality of life is the most important thing for her right now. If she is moved from all that is familiar, will you be happy if she isn't? Can you make arrangements to stay awhile after your husband goes, to ease the transition for her, and then come back often to visit?
Your Mom is lucky to have such a devoted daughter. I have been asked to move out of state to be closer to family, and for me, the decision was clear, that I love my life here and will not move at this time. I sacrifice not being able to see my grandbaby very often, and then I walk along the bay in this familiar environment and thank God to be here.

This is only my opinion. I wish you all the best of luck and strength and happiness.
Paula2

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