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The Greatest Loss

paula57
Posts: 93
Joined: Jul 2005

I have been staying clear (Pretty Much)of this site for many reasons. I felt guilty that I was doing so well and others were having such a rough time. I may be having my first recurrance. Time will tell, but that is not why I'm writting. I have recently lost the best friend that anyone could ever have. Sheila was 50 years old and had been sick for a long time. She was a kidney transplant patient that was too busy taking care of everyone else to take care of herself. She had been working so hard all week for her granddaughter's dance recital. The evening of the recital she died on my arm with 911 telling me to stay on the line and her granddaughter dressed and ready to go. Of course, the recital was missed. That was the hardest thing that I have ever been through. She was my rock. She will be missed.

mopar
Posts: 1954
Joined: Apr 2003

Paula:
My heart breaks for you this morning. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. And my heart also goes out to Sheila's grandaughter and family. How awful this must be for all of you. I was with my mother when she passed away, and I could never explain the experience to anyone. The emotions run too deep.

I know you will miss her terribly, but it sounds as though she was a great inspiration to you. I pray that, in time, your broken heart and sorrow will be replaced with fond memories and strength.

I also tend to feel a little guilty sometimes when I know what everyone is going through here, and I am seemingly doing well. But having been through this journey twice, I have been on both sides. And I believe that for all the times I was given good advice, lent shoulders to cry on, and given so many hugs and prayers, now I can hopefully give back. But I also know that if I ever have to face the beast again, I can come here for the same love and support. And you must do the same. Don't feel guilty. And ESPECIALLY, learn from Sheila that it is SO important to take care of yourself. I have gotten caught up so much in doing for others, that my needs had sometimes become secondary. Then I realized, what good am I for anyone if I'm not here or able to do those things because I am sick? The better you are, the better you can be for others.

Please take care. And please let us know how you are doing. Sending my love, hugs and prayers for healing and strength.

Monika

jamilou's picture
jamilou
Posts: 202
Joined: Mar 2005

Paula
I believe Monika's beautiful response says it all. I too feel guilt at times being a long term survivor but...I can be their cheerleader and I can pray! As for the loss of your dear friend I know that your hurt is tremendous and I hope that with time the hurt will begin to heal. You along with the other wonderful women are in my daily prayers.
Jami

BonnieR's picture
BonnieR
Posts: 1549
Joined: Jan 2004

Dearest Paula,

Sending my deepest sympathies on the loss of your friend. Lots of prayers for you and her family. How wonderful that you got to hold her and be there for her as she left this world.

Sorry also to hear you are dealing with a recurrence, hopefully you'll go right back into remission. I can understand how one might suffer a little survivor's quilt but know it gives us hope that some woman beat this disease. Plus your faith and support are always appreciated no matter what place one is at in this journey.

I am sending buckets and buckets of prayers N hugs your way.

Bonnie

lizper
Posts: 199
Joined: Nov 2006

Paula, may God grant you peace and serenity. Take her life as an example to live your own..always happy and willing to be there for others...but with difference of taking care of yourself too. God bless. Liz

Keelie
Posts: 98
Joined: Jan 2007

Oh, Paula, I'm so very sorry to hear about your dear friend! I echo all that the other girls have said here today! I lost my best friend, my brother, suddenly 10 years ago, and it is still the worse thing that has ever happened to me. It took me years to feel better, so I'm recalling today the unexplainable pain you are feeling. Here's hoping and praying that you are not really in recurrence....stay positive if you can. Are you close to Sheila's granddaughter? You will need each other. As you know, we're all here for you! With love and prayers, Keelie aka MM

paula57
Posts: 93
Joined: Jul 2005

Thank you all for your replies! I will always stay close to Sheila's family. Her son, his wife, and three grandchildren (ages 4,6,&7) live next door to me and I even knew her husband before she did. She went with me to DRS, M D Anderson, hospitals, weddings, birthday parties, and even funerals. She even spent 9 days at a hospital in Dallas with me when my son had heart surgery and stayed at the hospital all night when my daughter had her first child. I know that I did things for her and her family also. Friends like Sheila are one in a life time. I thank God everyday for Sheila and all the blessings that he has given me. Thank you all for caring. God Bless You All!

Paula

pholechek
Posts: 5
Joined: May 2007

Sheila sounds like a wonderful friend. I'm sorry you have lost her, but glad you have good memories. I'll pray for you, both for the possible recurrence and for your grieving your dear friend.

May you experience God's comfort.
Patti

floridajo
Posts: 485
Joined: Sep 2006

Paula57,
Please accept my heartfelt sympathies on the loss of your friend..I know this is very hard on you and her family. She also was doing what she loved to do, and spent her time with the ones she loved the most..what a gift she has given to them, memories never fade.
I'm sorry to hear you may be having a recurrence, and I'll be praying that there is another reason for the sx.!! Don't ever feel badly because you are doing so well...it is the posts from women like you that give me strength and believe that I too can be dancing with NED soon. Take care and (((hugz)))..Joanne

saundra's picture
saundra
Posts: 1390
Joined: Mar 2007

On my way home and read your sad post. My bestest friend just moved to take care of aged partents. We still talk by phone but it is not the same. I know you will miss your friend. Take care of yourself. Saundra

paula57
Posts: 93
Joined: Jul 2005

Saundra, I have read how rough you have had it lately. I sure hope that you are doing better. My first cousin has OC and she has been going to Baylor for over 6 years. She has been on Gemzar for over 2 years but doing good. I am from New Boston, Tx. It is close to Texarkana.

About my friend, thank you for caring. Cherish your friend even though it is by phone.

Best of Luck on your recovery!

Paula

shegal
Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2007

Hi Paula,
My cousin is on gemzar by itself for Ovarian Cancer. She just had her first treatment on Thursday and is experiencing stomach cramping and dull ache in her stomach as well as nausea. Has your cousin had several recurrences in the 6 years? My cousin is always trying to find 3rd stage survivor stories. Anyone else have experience with taking only gemzar after recurrences or have any 3rd stage, with recurrences, success stories?

Thanks, Sheila

paula2
Posts: 163
Joined: Oct 2005

I am really sorry that you are having to go through this and that your friend's granddaughter had to have this awful memory and loss.

I think this board is about all facets of the experience of ovarian cancer. Yours is an important point. Please don't even have any kind of guilt about feeling good.
I went through a very strong, 'what now' stage when in a lengthy remission. I joined a wellness group at hospice and still attend, thankfully, and find that everything I am feeling is pretty normal for someone with a life-threatening illness.

Remember to take very good care of yourself through this trauma and try to think positive thoughts.
Sending you love and healing energy and prayers for your continued strength and wellness.
Paula2

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