Jun 21, 2007 - 12:17 pm
The past year has been a journey of ups and downs unlike any other in life. My husband is battling stomach cancer stage IV. At this point in about 4 weeks he is going to have a surgery that is the turning point of therapy. Chemo has knocked it down enough that he can have the surgery but whether it will be palative or much better is not going to be known until the surgery. For the last year we have battled this, I went to school for x-ray, graduated, took my registry (waiting for those results), had two new grandbabies born, our son is getting married in 2 1/2 weeks, I worked full time and take care of all the household. Whew, I feel exhausted sometimes thinking about it. My husband has spent his days battling this disease and since the reoccurance, has no energy to do anything else. I feel guilty sometimes because I wish I could find something for him to do that he would enjoy and wouldn't exhaust him. Prior to his illness we were very active, we were gone several days a week with friends and riding our motorcycle. We both were active at work and had a wonderful personal (private) life after 32 years of marriage. Now he does nothing but veg all day and I work or do something here at home. I get so frustrated because I feel so lopsided on my life. I need more but don't want it without my husband. I feel so less like a woman these days and am very frustrated. He has no desire to be even close any more. I pray if all goes well some of his desire to live to the fullest returns, because right now we have no quality of life at all. I feel guilty and selfish for wanting more and knowing he can't or has no desire. Has anyone else ever gone through this and how do you get past the frustration and still care about the man you fell in love with. I just want that man back. Any suggestions?????